My Autistic Son's Generous Spirit

When you here the word autism, the characteristics of sharing, love and compassion isn't always the first things to spring to mind.  I will admit not everyone on the autism spectrum possesses these character traits, but being autistic doesn't preclude one from excelling in the caring department.

I'd like to brag a little bit about my son Bubby, who is 11 and diagnosed with classic autism.  I think he displays a lot of positives traits everyday,

A Library Adventure

Yesterday, the boys and I set out to the library.  CJ went to work with Dad,. He was short of help,so she happily filled in.  Kudos to her for stepping up to do hard manual labor out in the heat!  This meant I'd have to brave the library trip that I already promised to Bubby without help.  He even had a certain book in mind: 'Captain Underpants'.  Never mind that it was the same book that he read over and over for most of the school year.

Before going to the library, I needed to stop at the bank.  This was tricky.  I wanted to walk, but wasn't sure about going inside. If I drove, Beans would be securely in his seat as I went through the drive through. Inside could mean a meltdown or me chasing him all over the bank.  Beans is the type of kid that needs one hand on him at all times, or he runs off.  I've been known to pin him with my leg while paying at a check out, but not while writing.  Both buildings are within 2 blocks from my house. I really didn't want to drive, plus all of us could benefit from getting out and walking, so I made the decision to walk. 

As we entered the foyer of the bank Beans let out a loud groan.  He was obviously displeased with my choice of destination.  His loud verbal stims echoed all the way through the big mostly empty room as I made my way to the counter. "AAAHHHH" and "Modom" and "Uhhhhhhh" .  I noticed one teller was on the phone and I was getting anxious that Beans was disturbing her.  I was thinking already that I made a bad decision, but too late now.  We're already here.  Thankfully, there is no line and I'm able to get the transaction going smoothly.  While we wait for the deposit to finish I notice lots of lollipops on the counter and that Bubby has already gotten one.  I always weigh everything by fairness in my head. I don't know if this is the result of my aspie brain, or if it's more about just being a mom.  I want to make sure that I am always being as fair as possible with all of my kids, so when I see Bubby having a lolli, I think Beans should, too. What if it hurts his feelings that his brother got one and he didn't, but he just can't tell me?  Then he has to carry around this resentment forever locked inside about the times his brother and sister got stuff he didn't?  Yes, these are the mile a minute thoughts that plague my brain all day and night.  It's exhausting being me, as much as I over think everything.  I reach up and unwrap a  red sucker for the Beans. I have no idea if he even wants one.  Most times, he doesn't, but this time he reaches for it when I hand it to him.  He takes it to his lips, feels it, and sniffs it.  He taps it with his fingertips, like he does pretty much anything and everything, including every piece of food that he eats.  He tastes it, and looks pleased. 

We get all the finished up and now we're back on our way to the library.  Beans keeps tapping his lollipop with his fingers, causing him to get all sticky.  I start to think I have made a bad decision in giving it to him. We enter our tiny little small town library and head for the kid's section.  Beans seems quite content to sit on the kid's corner on the little loveseat. Bubby immediately notices that there's a young man on the computer playing Minecraft.  He's drawn to him like a magnet and I have to call to him to remind him to get busy looking for his book. I know we could very well be on borrowed time.  Beans may decide at any minute that he doesn't care for the library and wants to leave, causing him to meltdown and run away from me like has happened every other time we have tried to visit.  I try to help Bubby search for the 'Captain Underpants' books, but I don't want to walk too far away from Beans.  If I try to have him follow me, he will get very irritated from being asked to transition away from where he was.  I know that I must keep the transitions to a minimum where Beans is concerned, especially if there is no way for him to understand why we are moving from one place to another.  Bubby asks me to ask the librarian.  I tell him he is going to have to, because I can't leave his brother, so off he goes.  I am proud of his initiative. He knows what to do and who to ask and does so without hesitation.

They finally locate the book and we are on our way to checking out. Except my card is expired. Ugghh.  How long is this going to take?  I wonder. Beans is losing patience by the second and I know that my minutes are numbered at this point.  They get the process going and inform us it will be a few minutes. Bubby has already found his distraction.  In the other corner of the library there is a Nintendo and 2 kids are playing Super Mario on it.  He could probably stay here all day.  Beans loves to watch people play video games, so he finds a seat and is happy to just sit for a few.

When it's time to get the card I get informed that I need to go through a tutorial of how to use it, because now there is new features, including online services.  Beans has transitioned for the last time.  He is angrily tapping on the counter making "Arrrrrrrrr" noises. Meltdown in 3....2..... I rush them through the spiel and rush the boys out the door. I know I have to get Beans home quickly, or I might end up with a boy flailing around on the sidewalk beating his head into the ground.  We are still over  block away from home.  Beans is getting madder and madder with every step we take.  I pick up the pace anxiously moving across main street while trying to not get bitten.  It's hard to hold the hand of someone trying to bite your arm at the same time. I manage and we arrive home, safe and sound.

So, that was our trip to the local library. It was better than subsequent trips, and I think with practice it will get easier.

The Scariest Words An Autism Parent Never Wants To Hear

Ask any parent what the scariest words they can imagine coming from their spouse's mouth that pertain to their child and one of the answers is likely to be "I can't find _____" (insert child's name).  This is especially true of you're a parent of an autistic child.  I had the unfortunate experience to hear this the night before last.

Let me start from the beginning.

Sunday morning started off well. My father in law was in town and wanted to take us all out to do things around town.  My husband let me sleep in while he got up with the boys, and even went to go get doughnuts.  It was looking to be a pleasant day.

We got into town and settled on eating downtown.  The boys were less than thrilled and Beans especially didn't care for the venue change.  When I say venue change, I mean not fast food.  :)  Bubby could not handle that there was no plan to speak of, and was instructed that he was to let others make the plans for once, by Grandpa.  He always gets to do what he wants, and it was someone else's turn. We got through lunch with Beans picking at his food the way he always does, but not eating much.  Bubby asked upwards of 20 times (in different ways) if we would pleeease go to a museum. Beans and museums aren't a good mix, so we were unable to honor his request, much to his dismay.

We went to a few places and did a bit of window shopping, while taking turns staying in the van with Beans, in the places he finds too noisy or overwhelming.  When we arrived at the mall I thought it was a good place for him to finally get out a bit and enjoy his day.  He typically likes the mall.  However, he remembered he does not like escalators, and the first store we went into had one.So, I had to carry all 55 pounds of screaming Beans out of Sears to the van with onlookers wondering (I'm sure) if I was a kidnapper.

By the time all was said and done when we got home it was almost time for bed.  The first thing everyone in my family does when we get home from a long day out is scatter to spend some time alone to regroup.  After that it was late and definitely time for baths and bed.

It wasn't long after putting the boys to bed that I hear "Mom, Bean's stinky!" Which is pretty common. No big deal.  Except this time Beans decided to get naked before pooping.  It was a pooptastrophe and it was everywhere.  I handed him off to Dad to get cleaned up and I scrubbed the carpet and the heating vent. Yes, he pooped on the heat register. We got it all cleaned up and put him back to bed at about 10:30.  I had to go back in a time or two to tell him to get to bed, and give Bubby a drink.  But, relatively quickly after there was silence.  I thought Beans had settled in and gone to sleep, as it was late.  My husband and I watch TV for awhile and decide it's time for bed at about 12:30.

We go to do the routine nightly checks on the boys before bed.  Usually to uncover faces, and make sure Beans has his blankets on him.  Then I hear "I can't find Beans" from my husband.  I think to myself, what do you mean you can't find him?  I go in the room expecting him to be curled up in the corner of the bed with blankets covering him. I quickly find this NOT to be the case as I remove all the blankets from his bed. Then, I turn my head and see one of the most scary things I've ever seen in my life.  The window and the screen is open. I yell "The window is open!" at my husband who proceeds to try to run so fast through the house that he falls down and gets hurt several times.  He is not calm in emergency situations.  We get outside, in our robes, barefoot, in the cold running around calling for Beans. I begin heading for the backyard, because that's where he often goes when he runs outside. About as I am to turn the corner I see a police car driving down the street.  My husband and I begin running for it, yelling "I lost my son!"  When we finally get to the car, the officer replies "Is it this one?" We say yes and he asks if he's autistic.  I'm so dizzy and out of breath I can almost pass out in the middle of the street.  I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life.

The officer brings him in and explains that he was called to the next street over about an hour and a half ago because he was found trying to get into someone's house.  They opened the door and let him in, then called the police.  I so appreciate whoever did that! The officer brought him back to the police station for awhile, then decided to drive around the area he was found to see if any doors were open to indicate maybe where he had come from.  That's when he came across us. He asked us if Beans was always moving like he was at the station and when he brought him home, and we verified that yes, he never is still.  He always moves and is always into things.  The officer said he couldn't keep up with him very well at the station.  I'm guessing he thought that he could take him to the station and write up a report, and found out that was not possible in a room that's got much of anything in it. I'm sure he was knocking everything off of desks and shelves and trying to leave.  Trying to eat any plants, paper, or whatever he could find.  We live in a very small town, so I doubt there were other officers around to help much.  There's not too many on duty at once. I think the officer had enough experience with Beans to have some empathy as to how he could be more than a handful.  I was so worried that they'd think we were awful parents.  He remarked how many gates we have in our house and extra locks.  We thought we were on the up and up in safety.  Guess beans found the weak spot.

We purchased window alarms yesterday.  I don't know if they'll work or not, because he keeps removing the sensor, which does set the alarm off.  I know when he removes it, but I don't want to have to be constantly reattaching the alarm everyday, and him getting his ears hurt by the shrill sound of it.  I wish I could say he was more cognitively aware of the fact that removing the alarm is going to hurt his ears, but I'm not so sure he'll get that cause and effect.  Maybe, he will.  I'm still considering other safety measures for his window, and a few others he can get to.  I will be doing an entry next on all of the safety precautions that we have done so far to help others (especially newly dxed autism parents) put together a safety kit. You can find that entry here.

This is far from over as Beans ability grows and he learns new skills, but remains unaware of danger.  I am astonished that I have sent out e-mails for help in finding him a medic bracelet that he can wear, but not remove and I'm met with a lot of "i don't knows' from people like his autism specialist and developmental disability case manager.  This has to be common in the autism population, especially those that are severely affected by their autism/and or intellectual disability.  There is nothing in place at this time to help our children if they are lost.  More about all of that in my next entry about safety.  I am just glad that ours was a happy ending and my handsome guy was returned safely to us.

Losing Beans- Last night's bad dream

Last night I had one of those dreams that you wake up from sobbing. At first, I thought that the meaning was pretty straight forward, but after thinking on it, and looking up some of the main themes in my dream dictionary I quickly realized the meaning was much deeper than I originally thought.

In my dream, I was sitting around with some friends that I used to have when I was a teenager. We were back at my hometown, doing fun things that 14 year old girls do, except I was not 14.  I was the same age I am now. It was nostalgic, and I was having a really nice time. Then, it was evening and we were sitting by a pool. The next thing I know Beans has disappeared. I can't find him anywhere. Panic sets in, as I look for him.

Then, I am in a sort of haze, or something. It was like I was unconscious, and had woke up. I asked some people around me where Beans was, hoping it had been a dream, or he had been found, but they confirmed what was my worst fear... he was still lost. They said he had wandered into a nearby forest. I held back my tears, as I asked how long had this been the case. Two or three weeks was their reply, and with that I knew. I knew he was gone, likely forever, and I just kept saying "Oh man, oh man. no." as I sobbed, and sobbed. I think I made a few attempts at following up, but I knew it was pretty final. He was gone, and that was that.

I tried to move on, but life felt so empty. I tried to keep things

Safety Solutions For Autism and other Developmental Disabilities

After our big scare the other night I have upped my previously tightly secure home to that comparable to Fort Knox.  In doing this, I thought others might be able to benefit from my research, especially parents to kids that are newly diagnosed.  Our lives are often so busy that having the time research and put together the proper resources can be a daunting challenge for parents. So, below I have listed a few things that can be done to help make life safer and less stressful for for autism parents.

Items shown below are examples only and not necessarily promoted for brand or site.

Alarms and Gadgets For the Home:

Wireless Door Alarm/Chime This is what we have and it works well, installs without tools and the chime (receiver) can be plugged into any room you choose, or even unplugged, if you want to silence it for a short time.  I can hear it on both floors of our home.

Wireless Window/Door Alarm  This is what we bought for the windows.  We bought the 3 pack, plus door.  I haven't used to the door alarm yet, but plan on putting it on our back door.  The alarms are interchangeable, as far as I can tell (meaning you can use them for either windows or doors) and are very, very loud.  So far, they have worked well. Beans has opened the windows a few times, and the alarm definitely let is know!


Baby Monitors  I know this one seems to be pretty much easy to figure out, but I thought I'd list it anyway. I use one that has more than one monitor, so that I can put it on different floors and rooms of the house. That way, I can always hear what's happening in the next room.  Even though my youngest child is over eight, I know that I will need to keep utilizing monitors for many yrs to come.

Baby Gates  This one is one that not all households will need.  I have 4 in our house, one to guard the upstairs, the kitchen, the bathroom and utility room.  Any of those places could be dangerous if Beans got in unsupervised, even just for a few seconds.

Furniture Straps These are a must.  We used them with Bubby, who was a serious climber, and now for Beans, to ensure nothing heavy ever falls over on him. Very inexpensive and well worth the peace of mind.

Cabinet locks The ones in the link are the exact kind that we have.  I bought some when my daughter was a baby to lock the fish aquarium cabinet and I am still have and use the same ones today.  They've lasted a good 13 yrs and she still can't get them undone when they're on tightly, none of my kids can!  They're not convenient, but they will keep your kids out of any cabinet you put them on!

Screen Door With a Deadbolt The screen door in the picture is the one we own.  It's very difficult to unlock, but not impossible for Beans.  It's pricey, but worth the money.

Identification and Emergency Awareness:

Medical ID Bracelets   I ordered one of these for Beans with the first clasp option, as it looks the hardest to undo.  On the front I have his first and last name, Nonverbal Autism, and on the back our address, and family cell numbers.

Short range child locator 

Temporary Tattoos 

Child Harness We don't have to use ours that much anymore, but there was a time when it was necessary for Bean's safety to use a harness.

My husband and I also made a little info sheet with Beans picture on it to take to the local police station.  It just basically says his name, address and states that he is nonverbal/ autistic.  We live in a very small town and just assumed that all the officers around here (all 4 or 5 of them) pretty well knew who we were. The one on duty that found Beans was new, so we thought a little info sheet for the police station would be a good idea.

Also, if you live in the US you should go to This Site and fill out a profile for your whole family.  Smart911 is a wonderful site that allows you to already have your address, detailed instructions to your home, your vehicle and plate number, as well as a photo and details of every member in your family already on file, so that in an emergency emergency responders can already have this info without wasting precious moments for you to fill them in.  There is even a place to put special instructions.  I put a few things, like Beans loves water, so in the event of him wandering they can know that info ASAP and begin to search near water. There's no time to waste when you have a child with no sense of danger wandering by themselves.  Smart911 allows you to share vital info with first responders without you having to verbally relay this info, thus saving precious time in the search for your loved one.

I had these stickers made for our front door, the boy's window and both sides of our van window.  This is mostly to warn first responders in case of an emergency that there are special children involved that need special care. I know that in the event of a fire it's unlikely Beans would try to leave the house, or respond to a firefighter coming to rescue him.  It's likely Bubby would, but then would not think to alert anyone that his brother is still inside. The stickers were only like $5.00.  

My mother in law made this shirt for Beans.  It's a good idea for when you might be going out to the zoo, or somewhere where he mat get lost in the crowd.  Though, the print came off after a couple of washings.  I'm thinking that if one was to get these made it would be best to go to a professional.

Holding Grudges & Social Politics

The other day my husband and I were talking about the school situation with Beans last year, and how I was still angry at one of our friendly acquaintances (Beans bus driver) for not taking a stand for Beans. He said I was taking it too personally.

I said, " I don't think you're taking it personally enough!"

Here we have a very outgoing, friends with everyone, well known,very popular person from our town, and probably whole area. In an effort to not get messy she chose to pretty much not take a side, though I do feel like she leaned on the school's side a little. She seemed to always give them the benefit of the doubt. "Maybe he fell down?" She would pose. Or, "So and so's mom said that her daughter had GREAT results with that teacher." She totally ignored the fact that my child was sent home seriously injured from that classroom, and then thrown aside as the school attacked me, as if I was the one who was wrong for asking what happened. She chose to remain quiet, and supportive of my family so as not to ruffle feathers.

It was very personal.

The Next Chapter- #autism and #injustice

If you're unfamiliar with the entire story you can get up to speed here  and  here .

I'm sitting in a blissfully quiet house sipping coffee, contemplating my day, my week, and what to do next after a devastating outcome to what appears to be the final meeting with Bean's special ed provider at school.

I was not able to persuade them to allow Beans to go to another school. They stated it violates Least Restrictive Environment, due to the other structured learning room being further away than the one he was attending. I know that there will be 20 comments about how I can fight that, but their wording, and their reasoning doesn't have to make sense. I had 2 of the best advocates in my entire state helping me through this. If there was a way to fight effectively against our special ed coop they would have done so. If there was words to use, and ways to fight that wouldn't be wasting my time, and money they'd have jumped on that opportunity. The fact is, our local special ed coop is run pretty much like our government. We all know they're not doing things right by the people, but there isn't much we can do. We can take it to the courts, where their friends, and acquaintances work, and there is rarely ever a judgment in the parent's favor. Government agencies rarely like to step on the toes of other agencies.

With that being said, I am of course going to go forth with reporting the misconduct of the whole situation to

What The R Word Means To Me & My Family

Today is the official pledge day for Spread The Word To End The Word so I thought I'd like to do an entry about the R word and what it means to me, and my family.

As most of my readers know, I have two sons on the spectrum.  Only one has an additional diagnosis of a cognitive delay. When Beans got this diagnosis at age two I assumed he may eventually grow out of it, or things might change.  The developmental pediatrician didn't really explain to me what this meant, other then he was delayed in all areas.  I didn't think too much about it at the time.  I accepted him as he was, autism and all.  Not a big deal.

Then one day about a year or so ago, I happened to be waiting with my kids in our regular pediatricians office.  It was a lengthy kind wait. My eyes drifted over to Beans chart on the counter.  It was considerably bigger than the other two kid's charts.  I couldn't help but wonder what was inside.  I assumed nothing of all that much interest.  I decided to peek.  I came across the developmental pediatrician's report. I quickly began scanning it with my eyes.  I quickly felt my stomach drop as I saw the words 'mentally retarded',  'challenged', 'significant' and 'functioning' peppered though out the report. I could hear the doctor's voice coming down the hall, so I only got a small sampling of words before quickly shutting the folder before she entered the room.  This was not the report the dev, pediatrician had sent me.  It was not it at ALL.  I knew my son was delayed.  I knew that he seemed different then all of the other kids with autism I've met, but I had not thought that he was tagged as with an intellectual disability.

That night, I told my husband about it.  He was nonplussed.  He said he understood that the the day we had left the office 5 years ago.  I guess the doctor had probably said it, gently, between the lines. Cushioning the truth the way many NTs like to have it.  I was not able to infer this truth. I was not in denial, but I was not fully aware of our circumstances, either.  It didn't really change much for me after the initial realization.  Beans is still Beans.

I know that when most people use the R word they are usually doing it in a way that is making fun of themselves.  I used to be one of those people. (Not proud of that, but there ya go.) I know that most decent people would never call a disabled person like Beans a derogatory name.  I know most people aren't that awful.  I also know that the language we use reflects on the people that hold certain labels and statuses in our society.  Think about it this way. Think about every time you might be tempted to use the R word.  Maybe you made a mistake and said "I'm so R worded."  Or maybe something looked funny, or didn't work, or was wrong, or was defective.  The R word = those things, and my son has an intellectual disability that technically means the R word.  What if your name was replaced with the R word.  What if when people saw something nonsensical they said "That's so ______"  (fill in the blank with your name.)  What would the public's perception of people named _____ be?  Would who you are be affected by this?  Would you like to be equated with all these 'bad' things?  What if people said to you, "but I didn't say YOU were dumb.  I said the X was dumb.  Why do you take things so personally?"  You would probably know that they DID say you were dm,b, bad, wrong whatever indirectly by using your name, who you are to describe something unwanted, or bad.  This is what this sort of language feels like to those that are intellectually disabled, and the people that love them.  This is why it's harmful.

I want to leave you with a short video that I took of my son last night.  I was playing one of his favorite games with him, peek a boo.  He just loves this game and could play forever.  His smile and laugh is incredible.  Think of this face every time you think of using the R word.  Think of who you are hurting with your language. He is none of those negative things. He is beautiful.



*Sorry for the poor quality of the video.  It's a new camera and I was just trying it out. 

Give Me a Sign- Expressions of PosAutivity: #AutismPositivity2014

I have been thinking about doing a Autism Positivity blog post entry  for a few days. I kept drawing a blank on what to write about, so I was unsure if I would participate. Then, I read last night that this year's suggested theme is communication, and expression. This new info reminded me of a post that I have been thinking about writing for awhile. I hesitated, because I don't know if many will think it's positive. I don't know how it will be received by others in the autism community, especially those that don't typically follow my blog who don't know our story. Then, I remembered how much I tend to care about people who don't know my story who want to lend judgment on how I should express myself. I have no cares to give about those opinions. While speaking about the themes being self expression,and communication style of people with autism I can safely say this blog is how I express so much of my inner self. The people that follow me here know me more authentically than anyone I know in real life who has never read my writing (save maybe a couple people), so I do myself a disservice when I censor my writing to fit what what I think others want to read.

As most of you know I have a 10 year old profoundly autistic son named Beans. He is nonverbal. For years, the school, and private speech tried to teach him to use Picture Communication Symbols, or PECs for short. We tried the symbols, the actual pictures, and even objects. We tried devices, and differing methods all the while Beans became more, and more irate while virtually not improving in any of the methods, at all. As we all know, behavior is communication. It didn't take me very long to decipher what he was upset about. Life is confusing, and overwhelming for him as it is, but imagine being asked to participate in an activity for 7 years that made no sense to you, everyday. You were asked to point at random pictures, and not allowed to do anything until you did. This activity would follow you from eating to playing. Always that book of pictures. I often wondered what they looked like to him. Were they just colorful pieces of laminated paper? How did he feel when he saw that book come out day after day? He melted down more frequently, and his communication had not improved any measurable amount in that seven years. We had some of the best service providers in the country teaching him to use the book in private speech, and public school. No, to little improvement was a clear indication this was not working for him. The meltdowns from frustration was a clear sign to me that he does not learn this way.

I didn't know the struggle that lay ahead of me in getting professionals on board to use another method. It was such a shocking, and sobering experience to me to be completely shot down when

What If I Can?- letting go of the belief that I am limited

There are events that occur in our lives that change our path to something radically different in just a few minutes, or hours.  Last month, one of those life changing events happened to my family.

When Beans came home from school hurt on the 10th of last month my journey as a mother took a sharp turn.  I pulled everything to a halt, as I searched for answers as to what happened, and what I can do to help Beans get the education he has a right to receive.  I didn't count on the odds being stacked against us. I didn't anticipate so much hostility from the people that are supposed to educate my child, and have his best interests at heart. The shocking amount of covering up for each other, and adversarial nature of all involved was a life lesson I wish I never got.

As my biggest fears were realized in this situation I realized something else. I realized that my biggest, most tallest fear was that I was incapable. The way in which I underestimated who I am, and what I can do is by far my biggest weakness, and my biggest fear producer.

I realized that in this moment of adversity I could fight it, and get stuck on the part where we are the victim, or I could move forward on this path that I have been suddenly thrust upon.  I began to see the new situation, and the new found path as a journey full of opportunity, borne of unfortunate circumstance.

Oh My Migraines!

There has been more than one post here on this blog began recently by me only to be abandoned in the draft folder, unfinished, and gathering mental dust. I'm not one to usually start a writing project, and then move to another before finishing the first. When I do, it is usually certain death for the first piece, as I never again get my thoughts back on track to completion. I tend to forget where I was going, and it all gets derailed.

This time is different. Or, maybe it isn't in the grand scheme of finished products, but in the situation behind what is driving my haphazard writing. In the last few months I have been suffering from migraines. They seem to be be getting progressively worse to the point where I am now, which is almost always in a constant vortex of pain, nausea, and vertigo. I lose my words. My thoughts get lost in a cloudy fog of confusion. I find it difficult to complete daily tasks that need to be completed, and things like writing get put way at the end of my to do list. My ability to read, and write is so compromised at this point that being able to complete more than a few sentences with comprehension fully intact is difficult at best.

This has been exceptionally hard for me, because I am a very active person. I am fully dedicated to my fitness routines, and am always baking, cleaning, and playing with Beans. When I am not up, and moving I am mentally engaged in writing, couponing, social media, and more. I am rarely sitting still passively watching TV, or something like that, so when an illness strikes me that compromises all those things, the things that make me feel like me, I have extreme difficulty coping.

Update- Beans and the School Investigation

In my last post I talked about the beginning of what has turned out to be a nightmare on so many levels. Today, that nightmare has gotten scarier.

I received the update from the school police officer who told me that he could not find any criminal conduct in his jurisdiction. He says he interviewed everyone, and no one is criminally liable for Bean's injuries.

I asked him then how does he explain them, and he just kept repeating that he couldn't find anyone to hold criminally liable. No one (obviously) owned up to it, and Beans can't tell us, so he says a crime hasn't been committed.  This makes about as much sense to me as finding a murder victim lying dead with a gunshot to the head, no gun around, and declaring it not a crime, because the victim can't tell anyone what happened, and the police don't know what happened.

Changing Perspectives #ThisIsAutism

I must admit, I did not fully read Suzanne Wright's Call To Action until this morning. I am familiar with Autism Speaks, and their agenda, so I had a pretty good idea what it would contain. I wish I could say I was shocked, dismayed, or even surprised at what I read when I took the time to fully consider the entire letter, and what it meant, but I wasn't.

I would like to counter Autism Speak's ideas that autism is somehow new, and somehow only affecting children. I would like to somehow understand how an organization could have so much access to autistic advocates, yet deny those people a say in advocating, and speaking on behalf of a 'disorder' they're diagnosed with. I would like to ask them why they alienate us. Why they scream for support from the government, but offer not a dime to adults on the spectrum needing support today.

But, I won't.

Sensory Solutions Part 3- Auditory

In the first two sensory solutions posts I discussed the different types of sensory input and began to break down the different ones by category starting with visual senses first.

In this post I would like to discuss the sense of auditory as it relates to someone with sensory processing issues.

I feel like this topic is one of a very wide terrain. It will be a difficult task to cover every auditory type of issue one might be prone to with sensory processing issues, and autism. I will try to touch on all of the ones that I know about, and have heard of in this post.

From what I have seen auditory issues are the most frequent of all sensory issues to affect people on the spectrum in a way that really alters our life. I have found this to apply to those diagnosed with Asperger's to those with profound autism. We all tend to be able to relate to each other in the way of auditory stimuli wreaks havoc on our lives at times.

As with all sensory issues those auditory in nature can be hypo and hyper sensitive.  With auditory issues I find that there is certain things that bother each person that would make them hyper, and hypo sensitive, as well as have what is known as Auditory Processing Disorder- which I will cover in greater detail later in this article.

Hypersensitivity to noise

What are some the things that can cause someone with auditory processing issues to be sensitive to noise?

* Children yelling/babies crying.
* Dogs barking.
* Horns and sirens
* Motors
* White noise- such as fans blowing, water running
* Chewing noises
* Breathing/snoring noises
* Any repetitive banging, ticking, or clicking
* Lots of people talking at once
* High pitched noises- some of which others seem to not even notice
* Toilets flushing
* Phones ringing
* Other people's music
* Voices in general can cause overload 
* Any noise that is unexpected 
* Any noise that is above the level of a quiet conversation has the potential to be too much for someone with an auditory processing issue.

What are some of the things that can cause hypo sensitivity to noise?

17 Tips for Eating Healthy on a Tight Schedule

Do you think that you're too busy to eat healthy? Do you often find yourself stopping at a convenient store, or drive thru due to tight schedules, and a a rumbling stomach?

This is such a common issue that I believe it is warranted a bump up on my blog posting list about developing healthier habits. On a previous post about this topic a reader asked me for some tips about how to eat healthy while balancing a hectic schedule. I would have liked to do a post about what to eat, and what to keep in check first, but I wanted to address this question, because it is a terrific one. I believe that time is probably one of the biggest, second only to maybe not having the correct information, obstacles most of us face in eating better, more nutritious food.

I will address the reasons why in a later post, but here are some tips to eating a healthy diet when busy:

*If you can afford it, take advantage of the already prepared produce trays at the store. This can cut down time when you're in a hurry, and is still likely less expensive to prepare a meal using already prepped ingredients than eating fast food.

*Cook things likes beans in bulk, and freeze them for tacos, and chili meals.

Injured Wrists and a Nonverbal Child- Autism mom looking for answers

There is one thing that is in the back of almost every parent's mind when they send their special needs child to school everyday. Those of us parents with nonverbal children are even more prone to worrying about this.

Is my child safe? Are the staff treating him/her well?

Tuesday afternoon when my son got off the bus I quickly realized the answer to both of those questions was no.

I'll start from the beginning.

Most Parents Are Lazy

Did the title get your attention? Good. If you agree with it, then this blog is written with you in mind. Please, keep reading, before skipping to the comments section.

It happened again. I got sucked into another dreadful parenting debate. I always tell myself that I won't, and usually I don't, but sometimes I do. I just have to respond to people. I have to let them know just how narrow minded they are being, and in the end I doubt it matters to them one iota.

These people know just how every child should behave, and how every parent should respond when they don't.

These commentators know that every misdeed of the kid (no matter how old) is the parent's fault.

They know, because their child would never...

They know because back in their day......

How do I know these parent's POV so well? I have a confession to make here.

Recovering from a Hysterectomy in an Autistic Household

In my last post I talked about preparing for an upcoming hysterectomy.  It now has been a week, so I thought I'd do a little update. When I was recovering what I appreciated most was knowing what to expect in my recovery period. Especially the first week. I knew the vague details I had been told by the hospital, and read online, but I wanted to know a more day by day play of what others experiences were. I thought that I could write about mine so that other women might be able to learn something from it. Especially, those of us on the spectrum who need a lot of preparation ahead of time for things. Also, this might be helpful in terms of what to expect if you're a mother of children with special needs. This post is bound to be long-winded, and maybe boring to many. You've been warned!

Day 1- The Day of surgery.

Who is Turning Seventeen?!

I know it's been a minute since I have blogged. It's been even longer since I've written a personal, from the heart, rambling post. Time always has a way of slipping by. I intend to get over here all the time to write about this or that, but something else always comes up.

I've noticed that blogging in this kind of sense isn't as popular anymore. Most people are using YouTube for this type of thing and reserving blogs for business. That has made me wonder if I should keep writing. I have thought about vlogging, but it's just not the same to me. I don't love being on camera. Speaking doesn't allow me the creative room that writing does. It does allow more available time, I would think, but that is likely the only positive I can think of for that platform. So, for now I will write as time allows.

This week is going to be busy with a lot of big things. I have IEP meetings for both of the boys, or should I say "young men"! Ha ha. They are both in high school now. I am still homeschooling Beans, but he still gets speech services through the school district.

Bubby is a junior now and his meeting will be highly focused on transitioning out of high school and into some kind of vocational school, or program. He has stood firm in that he doesn't want to attend anymore schooling after high school, so I guess maybe it will be a program? They do have several around here that he can get started doing soon. It's an exciting and anxious time for me. I feel so nervous about helping him to make decisions. It feels like the beginning of school again, I guess. I used to feel so intimidated by the school administrators and think that it all seemed so scary and permanent. I realized a couple years ago that it wasn't as hard as I was making it out to be, and that I had all kinds of options for schooling if one didn't work out. I was stressing too hard over nothing. Now I have that part figured out, here comes another new chapter that feels scary. Guess that's how it goes.

Bubby will also be turning 17 Friday! He was so little when I began this blog. I can't believe he's already going to be 17.

Of course it's fall again.

Compassion > Judgment = True Inclusion

This morning I came across a blog post by a mother of two special needs kids about a site called Too Big. (I'm not gonna link the site, because I'm not wanting to drive traffic to it. Nor, do I care to even look at it.) The blog post is called Tides We Shouldn't Have To Swim Against .  In it the author, Julia Roberts, talks about how a site like Too Big helps spread the biased, discriminatory attitude that any of us with disabilities ourselves, or have children with disabilities/special needs face everyday.

Basically, from what I've gathered, the site is composed of pictures of kids with their faces somewhat covered that are in strollers that are beyond the typical size most kids would require one.  I already don't see how that is so funny, even if the kids don't have special needs.  What's even more, the idiots that make the site actually think it's worthwhile enough to make fun of little kids that they pay to put up a website to do it.  That's what caliber of people we're dealing with here.  I don't expect to make them understand somehow that what they're doing is not okay, and harmful.  When someone is that awful on the inside it would take much, much more than me and a few others complaining to get them to see, or care how they're affecting others.  I'm not sure that anything could get someone that is that much of a bully to change. I just hope that by saying something to others that may visit the site, or another like it at some point, we might put that little bit of knowledge in their head of the other side of what they're looking at.  That there may be more than meets the eye when you encounter something that seems out of the ordinary.  Maybe, instead of laughing and staring one ought to have a bit of compassion.  One of my favorite sayings is that 'you can't know everything about everybody.'  Meaning, that everyone has their own life, their own struggle, their own story, their own pain, their own private life and this affects how they behave and come across to others.  I find that it's best to always try to practice compassion when we encounter behavior or people we don't understand, because we can't always know the other side of the story.  It's when we look through the eyes of compassion that we can truly see the other person as they are, not who we think they are, or what attachment of ourselves we're putting onto them.  That's all our judgement is, anyway.  It's a biased belief we hold as a result of our perception of what we think we see, or don't see.

I hope that the Too Big site disappears soon due to lack of interest on the public's part.  I know that I have gotten the ugly looks when my son was younger and I still used a stroller.  It wasn't because he was unable to walk.  Much to the opposite, as he would run and was impossible to keep by my side at any given moment.  Add that to the fact that my older son was also a runner, I had to employ methods to keep them both safe.  Since, Beans was unable to even so much as acknowledge when he was being spoken to, much less follow directions, or hold my hand, I chose to use a stroller until he was about 5.  Then, I used a harness for about a year, which also garnered it's fair share of attention.  One thing I was adamant about was that I was not going to let others make me or my children feel inadequate.  I never once flinched in the adversity of stares, or kept Beans at home unless I thought he would be uncomfortable with where we were going.  He has every right to be out in public.  So, special needs parents everywhere... hold your head high and do what is best for your family even when it may not always be the most popular, or comfortable.  Inclusion means everyone.