Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Perceiving Beauty

I had an odd dream the night before last.  I only remember parts of it.  It was one of those kinds that the colors are faded and kinda tinted or washed out.  That's how things often look to me when I'm depressed. Everything literally looks faded to me.  When I begin to notice that happening I know it's a warning of sorts to get myself moving in a positive direction before things get too dismal.

Anyway, in the dream I felt overwhelmed with responsibility.  I was carrying one of my kids around and trying to make phone calls.  They were all very important calls. If they weren't made things wouldn't get taken care of and my family would be without. It just had the feeling of everything being almost an emergency and me not having the time to even prioritize anything. 

I was in a house I used to live in before we moved to our current house 5 years ago.  While I was walking through the living room I peered out of the big window.  As a walked past the image changed.  At first when I looked everything looked dead and bleak. It was all dull with big weeds growing in tall brown grass.  But, then as I walked a little further and looked from another direction it looked different.  I could still see the same grass and the same weeds, but  the sun was brighter and shining through the puffs of dandelions.  I could see the white wisps of the dandelions blowing gently in the wind, and I said out loud in my dream "When I look at at things this way, I see a dead, overgrown yard, but when I look at it from another point of view I see the beauty in the weeds.  I see the seeds are floating away to make new flowers for later, even if things look dead now. It is the cycle of nature.  It just depends on how you look at it what you see."  My mother was there and I asked her to look to see if she could see the same.  She could not.  She thought I was being crazy, but that was okay with me.  I knew what I saw and I knew it was beautiful.

This morning when I woke up, things seemed lighter.  The sun was sunnier, the coffee was yummier, the day seemed longer.  It was as if a light was turned on and my perception was better, more accurate, more sharp.  I don't know what happened, but I'm glad it did.


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