Monday, August 26, 2013

#Autistic Know-it-all, or Could it be #Anxiety?

On my Inner Aspie page I spoke of a  little personal challenge to not correct my husband, or critique anything he does for a whole entire week. I made it about 24 hours before I blurted out "That's wrong!!!" when we were making the bed, and he was going to put the blankets in the wrong order. I tried to slow my thoughts down, and think of another way to say it, but I got so anxious.  In the afterthought of it all I realize that something so small as the blankets being in the wrong order shouldn't feel so nerve-wracking. I wish it wasn't met in my mind with such obsessional urgency that I feel the energy shoot from my stomach, up through my chest, down my arm, and out my fingertips in a flappy expression of overwhelm. However, it does.

In my mind at that moment it feels like the world is collapsing. My blankets won't feel right while I sleep. They'll probably not stay on the bed right. The satin fabric one is too slippery. It will slide off in the middle of the night, and I will be cold, then I will have to get it. Then, I will be tired from fixing blankets all night. Not to mention what it will do to the color scheme of my room! They won't match like that, and then my room will look dark, and dark shadowy room hurt my eyes, and , and, and,....

That is how anxiety works in my head. I'm not trying to be critical of others. I'm trying to control my world so that I can feel comfortable.