Honoring Motherhood- How I learned to turn away from our mother-bashing culture, and embrace my own instincts.

I was doing some thinking since writing the entry How Can We Best Support Autism Parents? As I thought about the question I posed in the title I kept coming back to the slideshow of my worst parenting moments in my head. I know that I am not alone in those moments. I know that other moms feel this way , too. For this entry I am mostly referring to mothers.

Let me explain why.

As a group, mothers are judged so openly, and harshly by others about every move, decision, and idea we have. I rarely hear of fathers shouldering this kind of judgement. They might be judged on their finances, and employment decisions, but even that pales in comparison to the daily barrage mothers face.

Don't believe me? Here is a short list of things I have heard people say before in relation to mothers, and their ability to effectively parent their children. All of them are completely false judgements.

#Autism Mom Mcjudgypants

This is one of those posts. If you're a writer you know which kind I mean. Those posts where you begin, and erase, and begin again. You feel the words, but they remain elusive, just out of reach..... You know what you want to say, but can never manage to really convey it. The words you write don't do your thoughts justice, so you erase them, and stare at a blank page, and blinking cursor, until it's time to do something else. This has gone on for months with this post.

I think I have touched on the issue quite a bit about parenting,  kindness, and what we can gain from not being so judgmental. I talk about it quite a bit on my page, too. I know it's not a novel concept, yet I want to bring this topic up again in the context of special needs parents speaking to other special needs parents. (Sorry, I don't use person first language).

What does this interaction usually look like?-You may ask.

Well, it usually goes something like this:

Scenario One:
Usually, a topic is brought up by parent 1. Parent 1 may be asking for help, or may just have mentioned a certain topic of discussion, but either way parent 2 has heard, and has some advice to offer. They offer it, even if it's completely not useful to parent 1. If they are pushy, they will insist that it works, and ask a bunch of questions about why it won't work. Now, this is where I get flustered. Usually, I can just thank the advice giver, and be on my way, but if they are insistent, then that is much harder. I am not good with being evasive. I always respond with long detailed answers that will usually make parent 2 try to come up with reasons why their way can work despite all of those things.

With this scenario I feel kind of defensive, and almost like I am being attacked. I feel like it is obvious from what they are telling me that my child's autism is not the same as their child's.

Most Parents Are Lazy

Did the title get your attention? Good. If you agree with it, then this blog is written with you in mind. Please, keep reading, before skipping to the comments section.

It happened again. I got sucked into another dreadful parenting debate. I always tell myself that I won't, and usually I don't, but sometimes I do. I just have to respond to people. I have to let them know just how narrow minded they are being, and in the end I doubt it matters to them one iota.

These people know just how every child should behave, and how every parent should respond when they don't.

These commentators know that every misdeed of the kid (no matter how old) is the parent's fault.

They know, because their child would never...

They know because back in their day......

How do I know these parent's POV so well? I have a confession to make here.