Today, I am still actively aware and working on my need for obsessing, and attempts at perfection.
My first thoughts this morning was a loooong list of important 'to-do's' which left me feeling overwhelmed and panicky. I decided to take one small task at a time and not worry about the whole day and minor tasks. I want to be calm and feel optimistic, but reeling in stress about daily tasks is not achieving that. I decided that I value being calm and optimistic more than I value having a clean house, all my errands ran, and exercises done. I realized that I could do some of those things without going to the extreme of all or nothing, black and white thinking that usually plagues me and hold my emotions hostage as I get more and more panicky trying to achieve it all.
I am still feeling anxious about possibly not getting everything done that I'd like to. I'm still feeling anxious about posting this. Feeling uncomfortable is okay. Discomfort is my body's way of letting me know that I am testing new waters. That's a good thing, because without discomfort my life will never grow. You can't get different results by doing the same things, so I am going to keep it up. I think this is something that is difficult for many on the autism spectrum. We see the world in such detail that we want everything to be 'just right'. Combining that with our tendency to be black and white rigid thinkers an, and it's a sure way to a path of anxiety and depression. I will continue to post daily or every other day on how I'm changing my old habits into new, more productive ones that align much better with the things in life that I value. Every minute of everyday offers up opportunities to change that one thought, that one action,that one word to be more reflective of a life that I choose. I choose confidence, self esteem, family, love, kindness over self-defeat, sadness, isolation and frustration. It's my life and I need to take responsibility to make these things manifest.
So, today my goal is to not worry about getting everything done, staying vigilant in getting what I need to done (means not over-thinking or spending time I don't have on FB and Twitter! lol) and feeling good in knowing that I'm doing what I love, no matter what else happens, or what others may think.