So, I did. As the morning went on what did answer rather quickly was a rising sense of frustration and anger. I had no patience for anything. I felt a hair trigger away from a catastrophic meltdown toward anyone who crossed certain lines with me. Not just anyone or any argument, but certain people with certain topics mostly. I felt overwhelmed with emotion that threatened to seize my inner workings of my mind into slow motion. With my mood and limbs heavy the day is one to be survived more than tackled, or accomplished.
On these days I have to remember that I have been here and I will be here again, but each and every time I get past this mood. It is just a mood. It is just temporary. This is depression dressed as anger. It's visiting today, but it won't stay. It feels like this is forever. I feel like I have to react to all the feelings, because they are in my face taunting me. They threaten my ego. They tell me lies about my life and others in it. My nervous system feels on the edge of fight or flight and I am ready to fight, so I'm looking for the the person, or situation who wants to trip that trigger. Of course I'm not looking on a conscious level. There's nothing I can do to change the way I feel. It's just here. Something to be mitigated and contended with.
When I was younger and I would have these strong emotional days I'd wonder two things. I'd wonder what was wrong with me that I had such a strong reaction to seemingly nothing, or possibly something, such as stress, or some other unknown and two; when was I going to be able to mature enough to where I would no longer feel this way?
