"Get your what?" My husband replied to me from around the corner as I dashed to the bathroom.
"My polish. I bought some fingernail polish last time I was shopping so I could paint my toenails." I said, as I reappeared from around the corner holding a shiny, new bottle of muted dark pink nail polish up to eye level.
It seemed like it took several seconds for him to quite gather, and make sense of what I just said. "Oh," he replied surprised, but approving.
I am not sure the last time I painted my finger, or toenails. It's been maybe a couple of years. It's been probably a good 18 since I've done it on any kind of regular basis. It's not something that I have found high priority in the last several years as a busy mom raising kids with different ranges of needs.
I have found lately that in the last 19 years of being a mother balancing everything has left me unbalanced.
In recent dreams I find a recurrent theme of forgetting I have a baby girl, and then trying to bring her back to health by feeding, and caring for her. Almost always in these dreams I have the best of intentions throughout, as I try to tend to everyone's needs. It's not that I am lazy, or sinister in my forgetting. I try, and I try hard not to forget about this baby. Often when I do finally get to her, I end up feeding her the wrong things. I forget the food, or the milk. I do too much of one, and little of the other. Sometimes I run out of formula, and have to sub something else less healthy.
I am finding these dreams to be symbolic of my need to care for myself properly. The good news is that I am recognizing this need, and trying to remedy the situation. The bad news is that I am not quite proficient at it yet.
What does it mean to care for ourselves, though?