Happy New Year from Level 39 :)

Today was the first day of 2018. I don't really get into the whole 'new year, new me' type of thing, but I do like to take some time in late December and the first days of January every year to reflect on my life. With my always [over]thinking brain my life, and it's direction,  purpose, and meaning is probably something I reflect on about every other day, if I were to be honest. Heh. I probably never fully stop thinking about it. There is just something more appealing, more magical about the concept of evaluating one's place in life at this time of year. Possibly because others are partaking, and it's a good time to share with each other our visions of future goals, and past aches.

As I sit in my quiet, dim lit living room sipping sleepytime tea as the clock approaches midnight I struggle to come up with concrete words to define what I would like to do in this upcoming year. I think the irony hits me that at an age where I am feeling more and more content with me, my physical body is beginning to flail, and gray hair is now the norm, if I dared to skip the dye for more than a few weeks. My youth is quickly fading into the distance, but I have never felt more alive. I don't mean this in the way of not having struggles, or that I began meditating, and now inner peace has beget me. Not at all. It's deeper than that. It's not a skill, or a place. It's more of a state of being that I've acquired, like a level in a game. Ha. It sounds pretty cool to say that I'm level 39, and have collected wisdom points. But, I have, and not everyone will be the same on level 39, but that is where I am.

I don't know what's different. I can't find any one thing to tease out of this tangle of inner concepts of feelings, and well being to definitely say, "This is what changed." I just know that I feel as if no matter what happens I'll be okay. even if I'm not okay, I will be okay again. As a matter of fact, I can bet that there are gonna be times in life that are so hard, that are so arduous that I won't be okay, I won't feel okay, but I will exit out on the other side, eventually. The only for sure thing in life is that there will be challenges, and smooth times, and mostly in between times, but the difference between now and earlier is that I felt like I might not be able to handle them. I didn't enjoy much of the good times, because my anxiety was always preparing me for a bad one, as if a person can ever be prepared for life's extreme challenges, anyway. It doesn't matter how hard we try, or how much we think we can, we can never truly prepare for situations like loss, and catastrophe. Losing people we love, and life shattering events, and even facing our own mortality are pieces of life that we try to predict with worry to give ourselves the illusion of control, but in the end we have none. We try to make sense of the patterns through the chaos of life, because we fear the fragility of it all. One thread might unravel everything. While that's true, I know that I can face it. I can fall into turmoil, and come back out again. I know this because I've done it again and again. Nothing is permanent, least of all not an adaptable human such as we all can be.

This whole different way of filling out my own skin has opened me up to accept more positive experiences. I don't fret with worry as much anymore. I don't find myself as dragged dow

Fried and Spanish Rice Recipe

I make stir-fry, and Mexican food at least once a week. Rice is a big part of my family's meals, so I have had a lot of practice on how to make it well, and cheaply. I have tried several ways to make it, and the following recipe is the best, by far.

Now, I have to admit, right off the bat, that these are not authentic recipes. I am not claiming they are native to the Spanish, or Asian cuisine. I just like the way this technique comes out, so it's what I use, and I figured maybe a few of you might be able to use it, too.

The basic recipe is:

-1 1/2 Cup rice
-3 Cups Liquid/broth
- Oil for sauteing

Body Image and ED-From an autistic perspective

Last night I participated in a Twitter chat about eating disorders, body image issues, and how they affect me as an autistic woman. I didn't find Twitter to be as accommodating to my long winded style of writing as I'd have liked. I thought that maybe it might be a good idea to do a blog entry on this topic, as it does seem to be a popular one that needs addressed.

After the chat I had so many thoughts swirling around in my brain. I am not sure how to organize them here to share without this entry turning into a small novel! The questions, and answers brought forth memories long forgotten. There is something about looking back on certain things in one's life as an older adult, and having a different POV, and appreciation of things that only time, and maturity can facilitate. Some things shifted into place, while others still remain tangled within my odd personality of contradictions.

As a young child I do recall not having a very positive relationship with food. How much this contributed to my body image issues, I don't know. I know it didn't help. I was always a very thin, underweight kid. There were always more interesting things for me to do than eat. I don't think I find the same enjoyment out of eating as other people do. Most of the time I would eat just enough to make the annoying hungry feeling go away, but not enough to be very full.

I had a certain way I would eat, as well. Things on my plate could not be touching, and certain textures were not okay with me. I would eat only one thing on my plate at a time.

I don't think I can stress this enough to any, and all parents

5 Easy Tips for Eating Healthier on a Budget

One of the things that astounds me about America (and probably other countries, too) is how unaware we are of nutrition. I mentioned a bit of this in this entry. We are diet obsessed, but that's not the same as being healthy. Even when I do hear people talk about healthy eating it's usually all about organic whole foods markets, and posh foods many of us don't even know what they are, nor could afford on a regular basis. There is a gray area between eating a bunch of junk because we don't know any better, and going to the extreme of being that know-it-all health nut that has a huge grocery budget at their disposal.

So, how do we eat better on a budget? What are some basic rules?

17 Tips for Eating Healthy on a Tight Schedule

Do you think that you're too busy to eat healthy? Do you often find yourself stopping at a convenient store, or drive thru due to tight schedules, and a a rumbling stomach?

This is such a common issue that I believe it is warranted a bump up on my blog posting list about developing healthier habits. On a previous post about this topic a reader asked me for some tips about how to eat healthy while balancing a hectic schedule. I would have liked to do a post about what to eat, and what to keep in check first, but I wanted to address this question, because it is a terrific one. I believe that time is probably one of the biggest, second only to maybe not having the correct information, obstacles most of us face in eating better, more nutritious food.

I will address the reasons why in a later post, but here are some tips to eating a healthy diet when busy:

*If you can afford it, take advantage of the already prepared produce trays at the store. This can cut down time when you're in a hurry, and is still likely less expensive to prepare a meal using already prepped ingredients than eating fast food.

*Cook things likes beans in bulk, and freeze them for tacos, and chili meals.

Tackling My Food Anxiety

Here in the US, yesterday was Thanksgiving. It started out rocky with me dreading the social gathering of my husband's family.  I knew that I would be okay in the end, but getting there was harder said than done. My anxiety built all morning, as every minute ticked by.  Despite the positives of the morning so far I was feeling more and more on edge. I had an opportunity to sleep in a bit, and wake slowly as my husband made breakfast for the kids.  I could not feel calmer, but one thing that was different than years past, I knew that I was being irrational.  I knew that I would be okay in the end, if only I just pressed forward and kept a positive attitude.

The other part of the day was that was difficult for me was that Thanksgiving is a holiday about food.  It's all about food and as many of you that follow my blog may know food is something I have issues with..  I was almost paralyzed in fear of the thought of eating all that food. Some of my thoughts were:

New Thanksgiving Traditions

Today I'm thankful for:
* The food I cooked and ate.
*The kitchen I cooked it in.
*The family I cooked it for.
* The ability and skill to make nutritious and tasty meals for my family.
* The courage to finally make the holidays be about what my family needs and not worry about everyone else.
*The laughter that my family shared today.
*Beans, because today is his 8th Birthday. :)
*My husband and his unwavering love and support.
*CJ and all of her help around the house.
*Bubby, and his unique, authentic self.


As this Thanksgiving winds up and my 33rd birthday is right around the corner I feel that my life is opening to new and adventurous paths.  This is a time where I think that maturity of life sets in and we start to see things in a different light.  We begin to see life as more meanigful in less big ways.  We slow down just enough to see the past and and future from the vantage point of the present.  Love, marriage, children and the mortgage might have been had by now in our lives.  Some of those things might have been lost, too by now. At this point in life most of us have experienced some loss.

My kids are smack dab in the middle of being grown.  One foot out the door.  It was only 3 years ago I remember buying my daughter an easy bake oven and polly pockets for Christmas.  Now, she has a boyfriend, and goes to school dances. Soon, she'll be driving.  This gives me an idea of just how fast time moves at this time in life.  Time is precious and not to be wasted.  Looking back, I wasted too much of it worrying about this or that.  Trying to make others happy, or worrying over what others thought.  Each moment I let go into my obsessive worrying, my obsessive needs to be perfect, my over focusing on me in a negative way, is one in which I can never get back.  When I let anxiety take over and take me to the place in my thoughts where I dwell in negativity I lose time to be here in the present.  I miss moments of my kids growing up, or an opportunity to just be in the company of my husband or to think of a friend, because I was too preoccupied with me own thoughts.  There isn't much room or time left when we let negative emotions take up residence in our minds, using up the present moment.

So, today my family and I stayed home, as is our new tradition.  We ate what we wanted, on our own schedule. My boys had pizza and no one batted an eye.  It was the pace we liked and how we liked it.  It was our holiday and we made it our own.  No one to tell us otherwise, and it was the best Thanksgiving we've ever had.  I just wonder what took me so long to shake the negative influences of others and do what works for us?

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss

Different Perspectives: Dining Out-Part 2

In my Previous post I talked about some of the sensory difficulties and such that can be associated with going out to dinner when one is on the spectrum.  I promised a follow up with some ideas, and suggestions to some of these common problems.

First, let me take you back, just a little bit to how I came about these different ways of doing things.  My older child, Bubby is almost 10 years old.  He is on the milder end of the spectrum, some doctors say PDD-NOS and other Asperger's, and still others High functioning autism.  I tend to to go with HFA, or mild autism, as I don't care much for functioning labels on humans.  Anyway, he wasn't diagnosed until he was almost 5 and wouldn't have been then if it weren't for his brother being evaluated due to his unmistakable autism features, namely nonverbal.  So, I trudged with him in tow to every place, including restaurants treating him as if he were a typical child until autism came into my awareness when he was 4.  He wasn't a typical child and the disparity between my expectations and his behavior became increasingly clear via meltdowns.  He threw a whopper of a meltdown every place we went the first 4 yrs of his life, without fail.  I came home and cried after every time I attempted to leave the house with him during that time.  It was awful.  After discovering he was on the spectrum (and subsequently myself) I was able to arm myself with this knowledge.  I was able to accommodate what he needs to help him feel comfortable in his environment, and this made all the difference.  These little nuggets of info would have made a world of difference in my family's lives 8 years ago, so I am hoping they might help some other parents to be able to go out to eat and have a little time to relax without it being such a drag out struggle.

1. Decide where you want to eat.
I know that seems pretty simple and something you do anyway, but... let's take it back a few steps and think a little more about it.
Firstly, does it have your child's favorite food, or food they like to eat?  Many kids on the spectrum will only eat a small variety of things.  With my boys, they almost always will insist on chicken strips and fries, or pizza.  Where we go must have these things, otherwise there will likely be a meltdown, or at the least some bored kids and wasted food.  You can call someone you know who has been there and ask, or call the restaurant and ask.  Depending upon where you're going, I have been surprised to find menus on line for many restaurants.

If there is a good chance of no food on the menu that your child will eat, and you need to meet at a specific place, say for a social gathering, then you can bring food in with you.  This one is gutsy, and takes courage, but I've done it before when a group of people we were meeting at a European cafe  where there were no chicken and fries, or pizza.  I had my going out to the zoo/beach bag with us, so we stopped at McDonald's and got the boys some food and brought it with us, purchasing their drinks at the other restaurant., and taking our trash with us.  As long as you're patronizing the restaurant you're eating at as much as possible, and it's for special needs only, then I don't see why this isn't okay.

How are your child's waiting skills?  Keep in mind your child's emotional, and cognitive level when selecting a place to dine.  If they can't stay seated for than a few minutes, or has had some major issues in the past with dining out, then perhaps you may be better off doing fast food.  Fast food venues offer quick escapes and quicker overall eating time than other restaurants.  Save the nicer places for grown up times, like dates with your spouse for the time being.  We rarely took our kids anywhere else for a few years, because Bubby was just unable to handle the slower, more formal atmosphere.  Fast food places are excellent places to practice manners and good behavior. 

2. How crowded is the establishment likely to be? 
Any place around where we live that's  any good to eat at, and that's not fast food, is packed during meal times. This is not only an issue for my boys, but also for me.  I can't handle the noise and the crowds.  It really takes away from my whole experience of going out, which I do enjoy doing.  If you know ahead of time that the restaurant might be super busy, then it might be a good idea to go on an off time.  Sometimes, we will go at 5:00 or 5:30.  Other times, we will have a snack and go closer to 7:00 or 8:00. (the later time sometimes is still just as crowded,so beware of that) If it's busy and we need to go at a peak time, due to not planning ahead, or unforeseen circumstances we will split up and my husband will wait inside and me and the boys will wait in the car or walk around until our table is ready.  My husband will text me and the dreadful wait in the shoulder to shoulder crowded corridor is avoided.  Also, I sometimes see if there is a 'call ahead list'.  It's pretty much the same as reservations, but not as strict of format.  That way you can shorten your wait for a table that way.

3. Picking out your table.
I doubt that NTs really ever think about their table placement, much, but I know I sure do!  First, if at all possible, always pick a booth.  I hate sitting at tables.  Booths are much more private, quiet, and block out so much more stimuli. Tables make me anxious and nervous.  Plus, I can kind of pen in my boys in booths.

Next, locate where the most noise is coming from.  The cash register, the door , the kitchen, ect.. Find the table as far away from these areas as possible.  The least amount of traffic and noise, the better.  If you have child who is frightened of motor noises it is imperative you not sit by the kitchen where blenders, and other machinery will likely set off a meltdown. Beans is that way, and it really hurts his ears to be subjected to these noises.

4. Ordering
If you are familiar with the restaurant, or already know what your child is going to eat, then by all means, order with your drinks.  There's no need for the waitress/waiter to take the orders all at once.  If you don't need to see the menu to make a decision, then by all means, get the food on it's way. I know my boys take forever to eat, plus get bored waiting. Letting them get their food quicker is a bonus for everyone! If they are verbal, then let them order for themselves, if they want to. Being able to order food at a restaurant is a very important life skill that may require lots of practice.  It's important that they feel confident and encouraged without judgement.

5. Waiting....
Before you leave the house you should pack an entertainment bag of some sorts.  Bubby is old enough to remember his own, which now consists of his DS.  I used to allow him to pick 2 or 3 Thomas Trains to take to play with, or some other toys that were small and easy to pack up.  Beans doesn't play with toys, but likes to tap on random objects.  Cardboard being his favorite, especially the little boxes gum comes in.  I save those for restaurant and shopping only. They're tiny and novel, because he doesn't get them everyday.  People stare. I let them. They will do that more and more as he gets older and his voice continues to deepen when he makes his noises and taps at everything.  If he gets to loud I remind him he needs to use a 'quiet mouth' but I have no idea if he even understands me.

6. Manners.
This is more meant for parents than the children here.  It's up to us to model appropriate behavior for our kids and to let them know what they can and can't do.  If your ASD child is going into meltdown (and you know what that looks like) and can't get calmed down in less than 5 minutes, then please take them outside to walk around or to sit in the car to calm down.  There was not one time before my son was 5 that my husband and I didn't have to take turns eating at restaurants due to having to take Bubby out to cool down during his many meltdowns.  It's not okay to let your kid scream bloody murder in public and ruin everyone else's meal.  Also, even ASD kids need to learn that it's not okay to scream like that in public.  Meltdowns are to be dealt with with dignity, not in front of a gaping audience.

The same goes for letting your child run around a restaurant.  Not okay.  It's disruptive and someone could get hurt.  I've seen other ASD parents do this before, then proceed to hand out their Autism Awareness cards.  I find that sort of awareness humiliating.  My boys were sitting there nicely while theirs were running around, making all sorts of noise and got so far ahead of them he ran out into the parking lot.  Sometimes, ASD kids do need to move, and it's okay to walk around with them holding their hand, or even take them outside and walk a few minutes if they need to.  I have to do this at times with Beans, though thankfully not Bubby anymore.

I hope that helps make your next dining out experience a little more enjoyable. Let me know if you have any questions or would like to share some tips of your own.

Different Perspectives: Dining Out

This entry I would like to discuss dining out and how that might effect someone on the spectrum.  I'm using the word 'person' instead of child, because I find that they sensory experience can be daunting for autistic children and adults alike.  I will also follow up this entry with a some practical ideas to help make dining out more enjoyable of an experience for everyone.

NT Perspective:
I admit that I don't know exactly how NTs feel while having dinner out... I'm guessing that they have a filter that easily filters out most of the background noise, thus freeing them up to socialize.   They can listen to the music, talk to friends and enjoy their meal all at the same time.  This tends to be a very popular and enjoyable multi-sensory experience for them.  Good food and good company seems to be a pretty common goal for most social experiences.

Autistic Perspective:
For someone with autism dining out can be enjoyable, but is often filled with anxiety.  Oftentimes, some people on the spectrum are very uneasy trying someplace new. They might be unsure if they will like what's on the menu, or how it is prepared.  (Remember, we can get so tripped up in our anxiety that we forget that the current situation isn't forever and that there may be another option that we aren't thinking about at that moment,)  Once inside, there might be a wait, which for young kids on the spectrum might be too much to deal with.  Most restaurants have music playing, which is extraordinarily loud to most of us.  I often find that I can't hear over the music to be able to listen to conversations.  Too much sensory input starts making everything get all garbled. When that happens my head starts feeling confused and cloudy.  I might get irritable.  Very low light bothers me when it's arranged in certain ways.  I don't know how to explain it differently, other than there are some lighting fixtures and arrangements that bother my eyes.  Sitting still in a booth or table can be challenging for on the move types.  This isn't squirmy like all kids get, but a real sensory need to move around and physically interact with one's environment.  I almost always feel cold in restaurants, which make it harder for me to deal with other sensory stimuli that is unpleasant.

With all that being said, my family and I really do like to go out to eat.  It took lots of effort and trials and errors before we have found some workable solutions to some of these issues I've discussed here.  I'll be outlining some of these ideas, and suggestions in my next entry.