Finding Self Acceptance

I have always taken exception to the saying, "no one can love you, unless you love yourself first". I think not only can people do so, but that it happens all the time. What a backwards notion it is to believe one has to meet certain requirements to obtain love that are often completely unattainable to us when we need it the most. Of course we can and should be loved at our best and worst. 

However, this is the tricky part. This is where the gray area comes into play. If we don't love (or at least accept) our own, whole, authentic self, we will not be able to fully give love to others. Any love we give will inevitably be tinged by our subconscious beliefs we carry about who we are. If we feel unlovable we can't reflect any love given to us back to the giver. It will always be deflected by our internal beliefs that we aren't worthy of any love given. We can't trust this love. When we try to reciprocate, we mire down the pure love given to us with doubt and other negative emotions. This is how many conflicts begin within relationships. I know you said you loved me, but I happen to know that I'm not really worthy of love in my current state, so now I'm going to become defensive, suspicious, and insecure because I feel like I'm being lied to about the one thing I need in life the most. It's like sending away the cure while ordering more poison, because at least you know how the poison is going to make you feel. The cure is unfamiliar and scary. 

So, how does one enter a phase in life where acceptance of self becomes a reality? Where shame and negativity is replaced by confidence and joy? I'm not sure. I don't think there is just one way to find this place. I don't think it's a destination. It's an ongoing journey of self awareness, discovery and learning. Stepping into self acceptance requires a compassionate mind to review our own behaviors, especially the ones we don't like, or don't even want to own up to. It's not easy for some of us to do. 

I'm slowly learning that when I nurture myself I am then able to fully do so for others. When I accept my mistakes and put away the perfectionist attitude, I am then able to approach others with open curiosity and compassion. Being fully present and nonjudgmental is something I personally aspire to, but I need to practice this with myself first, before I can successfully apply this skill when interacting with others. 

How easy or difficult is it for you to accept yourself? If it's difficult, what do you think gets in the way?