It seems here in the last few years that being 'fit' is trendy. You can't scroll through any social media without seeing photos designed to be inspirational, and motivational. Fitspo, or Fitspiration as it's called is everywhere. It's staring at us from magazine covers as we check out at the grocery store, and screaming at us from our television programs. Photos of half naked women fall across our computer screens posed in dim washed light with sweat dripping off of their body. Motivational words splash across the photo letting us know that we can't give up, we need to train hard, remember to never quit, and that we can have or, be the person we want if we just try harder.
Are these posters really healthy? Are the ideas behind the words motivating? How is this trend affecting girls, and women everywhere?
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Invisible Me Visits From The Past
Some of you may have noticed that yesterday I remarked that I had had a bad day on my FB page due to letting others under my skin, again. I didn't specify anymore than that. I wasn't sure I wanted to, or that I ought to. Then, I figured that I share so much else on here, and sometimes in the process help others in the same sort of situations, so I might go ahead and post about what happened. Also, writing sometimes allows me to get things out that I can't do verbally. I am not very good verbalizing my thoughts and feelings.
Last week my father called me. I haven't spoken to him for about 2 yrs. Every time I called to wish him a happy birthday or happy father's day I'd get his voice mail. I eventually just stopped trying. He wanted to tell me that my mother had left him and that he was sorry for writing me off because my mother didn't like him speaking to me. I was happy to hear from him and let all resentment toward him go. I figured that my mother in her craziness would turn on others after I was no longer around to accept her abuse and drama. I was correct. After 34 years of marriage she packed up without warning and left him, going clear across the country to her sister's after clearing out most of the bank account.
I was excited to rebuild a relationship. I had all these grand plans of him and my brother coming to visit, and we would do this and that. I would finally have someone to talk to that was family, that cared for me and supported me.
A few days went by, so I thought I'd try to chat with him via skype, only to get a hold of my brother who told me that mom came home. No one told me. He said Dad would call me later. That was almost a week ago. He isn't calling me. It's back to where it was. I am the odd one out. Cast aside, and vilified. I was doing okay as it was. I didn't need the false hope that maybe, just maybe I was worth something to them that they'd give me the time of day. It was a wound ripped right open for me. I was once again the weird little girl who no one noticed, and no one cared about. My desperation for this acceptance was so great.
Old behaviors started creeping back in... namely anorexic thinking with it's old friend body dysmorphia. I create these things to control something. If only I was thin and pretty enough people would like me. As well as it's a way to control and punish myself for not feeling good enough by other's standards. Thankfully, I have a husband who is here for me. He quickly reminded me of how ridiculous this whole dieting thing was. I am not overweight and if I lose more than a few pounds I will be classified as underweight. I wear a size 5/6 (UK size 7/8) and am not short. Dieting very much for me at this point could be dangerous. Logically, I know that, but that's not how I feel inside. I feel desperate to change something. To do something. I just want to be accepted. I want to feel worthy and good enough.
After I had a massive meltdown yesterday, and got some sleep I feel better today. I am able to get back on track with healthy behaviors and let go of what isn't and never was. It's an unfortunate situation, but one that I am stuck with. I may as well make the best of it and do what I can and leave the rest alone.
This whole situation remind me of a dream that I used to have often as a child. It's one in which I somehow got turned into a ghost and no one could hear or see me. In the dream I'd scream and beg for my parents to reply to me, only to be ignored. I'd go to school where the same happened. Everywhere I went I was invisible. I wasn't noticed. I would eventually get myself so worked into a desperate tizzy that I'd awaken, crying and terribly anxious. Through the years, the dream would change a bit in scenery, and such, but the theme would remain the same. I'm tired of being that sad, lonely, ignored little girl. I'm ready to be noticed by those who matter most. My husband and kids, and forget the rest.
Last week my father called me. I haven't spoken to him for about 2 yrs. Every time I called to wish him a happy birthday or happy father's day I'd get his voice mail. I eventually just stopped trying. He wanted to tell me that my mother had left him and that he was sorry for writing me off because my mother didn't like him speaking to me. I was happy to hear from him and let all resentment toward him go. I figured that my mother in her craziness would turn on others after I was no longer around to accept her abuse and drama. I was correct. After 34 years of marriage she packed up without warning and left him, going clear across the country to her sister's after clearing out most of the bank account.
I was excited to rebuild a relationship. I had all these grand plans of him and my brother coming to visit, and we would do this and that. I would finally have someone to talk to that was family, that cared for me and supported me.
A few days went by, so I thought I'd try to chat with him via skype, only to get a hold of my brother who told me that mom came home. No one told me. He said Dad would call me later. That was almost a week ago. He isn't calling me. It's back to where it was. I am the odd one out. Cast aside, and vilified. I was doing okay as it was. I didn't need the false hope that maybe, just maybe I was worth something to them that they'd give me the time of day. It was a wound ripped right open for me. I was once again the weird little girl who no one noticed, and no one cared about. My desperation for this acceptance was so great.
Old behaviors started creeping back in... namely anorexic thinking with it's old friend body dysmorphia. I create these things to control something. If only I was thin and pretty enough people would like me. As well as it's a way to control and punish myself for not feeling good enough by other's standards. Thankfully, I have a husband who is here for me. He quickly reminded me of how ridiculous this whole dieting thing was. I am not overweight and if I lose more than a few pounds I will be classified as underweight. I wear a size 5/6 (UK size 7/8) and am not short. Dieting very much for me at this point could be dangerous. Logically, I know that, but that's not how I feel inside. I feel desperate to change something. To do something. I just want to be accepted. I want to feel worthy and good enough.
After I had a massive meltdown yesterday, and got some sleep I feel better today. I am able to get back on track with healthy behaviors and let go of what isn't and never was. It's an unfortunate situation, but one that I am stuck with. I may as well make the best of it and do what I can and leave the rest alone.
This whole situation remind me of a dream that I used to have often as a child. It's one in which I somehow got turned into a ghost and no one could hear or see me. In the dream I'd scream and beg for my parents to reply to me, only to be ignored. I'd go to school where the same happened. Everywhere I went I was invisible. I wasn't noticed. I would eventually get myself so worked into a desperate tizzy that I'd awaken, crying and terribly anxious. Through the years, the dream would change a bit in scenery, and such, but the theme would remain the same. I'm tired of being that sad, lonely, ignored little girl. I'm ready to be noticed by those who matter most. My husband and kids, and forget the rest.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Resurfacing Of Old Habits
Ive done a lot of writing here in this new blog about changing my negative habits into more positive actions. Things like that are hard to start, hard to keep going and even more difficult to keep at it long term. I'm finding myself slip sliding back into some of the old habits that I had let go of.
Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time on internet forums, and most particularly in in 2 groups that I started on a social networking site that were very active. It is no surprise that I ran into lots of people that had very different opinions than the ones I had, even the group that was for autistic people only. We didn't always hold the same viewpoints on issues. The thing was, is that I would get upset and worked up when someone said something that I found to be inconsistent with how I perceived the world. To me, it felt like they were invalidating me, as a person by telling me that what I know and how I feel was wrong. After embarking on my journey of Mindfulness and meditation this feeling faded to almost nothing. I gained self awareness and in turn awareness of how others can see the same thing as I do and come away with a different interpretation of it. I saw shades of gray where there weren't any before. I also saw how much time I spent thinking about and being involved in negative patterns. I realized that this only contributed to me depression and if I were to ever feel positive, I had to stop looking for what was wrong and search for what was right. My husband called this 'looking for what or who is slighting Quiet C.' thinking. Now, don't get me wrong, growing up in a world that is not made for someone on the spectrum had it's challenges. I plan on doing a blog entry about that, to help parents understand why their kids fight so much with their siblings and pull the 'not fair!' card so often. In short, the world isn't fair to us, and everyday it IS a struggle to be in it, as the odds are often stacked against us. But, I carried this attitude with me like 100 pound bags of heavy emotional baggage. It was always there weighing me down. It was negative and attracting negative things and people. I felt emotionally worked up all the time. I engaged in endless debates with others, instead of using my time to promote something that would make my life better, or even someone else's. I wanted to correct ignorance. I knew that if I showed them enough evidence that other's would have to see it my way. It was just a waste of time. Hours spent typing, all while growing more irritable about the injustices of the world. I didn't realize that the more I focused on that the worse I'd feel. I took other people's opinions way too seriously, and I'm starting to see myself do that again.
I have spent much of the last 4 days in a hot debate with others about a subject that we're never going to agree on, and that is not positive. I have sacrificed my very precious little time that I have outside of caring for my kids arguing. Housework has gone undone, and exercise has been cut in half. This is not the person I want to be, or filling the goals that I have for myself. I want to be someone who stands up for what I think in a positive way, not finding drama in everyone else's opinion and making it be about me personally. I want to raise positive aspects of autism, with things like using this blog and some other presentations I've put together and helped with.
There's a lot wrong in this world and if you look for the bad things in it, you'll never be short on things to complain about, or get upset over. I'm passionate and want to make a difference in the lives of others, and I know I can't do that if I spend everyday fuming over injustices. I have to be the change I want to see in the world, so with that... I am back on track, hopefully. I choose to use my energy to promote positive endeavors and ideas, instead of fighting against negative ones.
Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time on internet forums, and most particularly in in 2 groups that I started on a social networking site that were very active. It is no surprise that I ran into lots of people that had very different opinions than the ones I had, even the group that was for autistic people only. We didn't always hold the same viewpoints on issues. The thing was, is that I would get upset and worked up when someone said something that I found to be inconsistent with how I perceived the world. To me, it felt like they were invalidating me, as a person by telling me that what I know and how I feel was wrong. After embarking on my journey of Mindfulness and meditation this feeling faded to almost nothing. I gained self awareness and in turn awareness of how others can see the same thing as I do and come away with a different interpretation of it. I saw shades of gray where there weren't any before. I also saw how much time I spent thinking about and being involved in negative patterns. I realized that this only contributed to me depression and if I were to ever feel positive, I had to stop looking for what was wrong and search for what was right. My husband called this 'looking for what or who is slighting Quiet C.' thinking. Now, don't get me wrong, growing up in a world that is not made for someone on the spectrum had it's challenges. I plan on doing a blog entry about that, to help parents understand why their kids fight so much with their siblings and pull the 'not fair!' card so often. In short, the world isn't fair to us, and everyday it IS a struggle to be in it, as the odds are often stacked against us. But, I carried this attitude with me like 100 pound bags of heavy emotional baggage. It was always there weighing me down. It was negative and attracting negative things and people. I felt emotionally worked up all the time. I engaged in endless debates with others, instead of using my time to promote something that would make my life better, or even someone else's. I wanted to correct ignorance. I knew that if I showed them enough evidence that other's would have to see it my way. It was just a waste of time. Hours spent typing, all while growing more irritable about the injustices of the world. I didn't realize that the more I focused on that the worse I'd feel. I took other people's opinions way too seriously, and I'm starting to see myself do that again.
I have spent much of the last 4 days in a hot debate with others about a subject that we're never going to agree on, and that is not positive. I have sacrificed my very precious little time that I have outside of caring for my kids arguing. Housework has gone undone, and exercise has been cut in half. This is not the person I want to be, or filling the goals that I have for myself. I want to be someone who stands up for what I think in a positive way, not finding drama in everyone else's opinion and making it be about me personally. I want to raise positive aspects of autism, with things like using this blog and some other presentations I've put together and helped with.
There's a lot wrong in this world and if you look for the bad things in it, you'll never be short on things to complain about, or get upset over. I'm passionate and want to make a difference in the lives of others, and I know I can't do that if I spend everyday fuming over injustices. I have to be the change I want to see in the world, so with that... I am back on track, hopefully. I choose to use my energy to promote positive endeavors and ideas, instead of fighting against negative ones.
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