The Autistic Student- Won't vs. Can't

It seems pretty common to hear parents of ASD children talk about a time when someone told them that their child can't or won't be able to do this, or learn that.  I come across stories like that all the time. As wrong as I think that is, that has been rarely my experience with my kids, or even myself. As a matter of fact, it's been the opposite.

I don't know how many IEP meetings that have been called by me to discuss services for Bubby. No one has ever said "He can't do it." It's always been "He can if he tried."

Quick Points for Effective #Autism Advocacy

Since Beans school incident recently I have become all that much more aware of how school improperly handles children with needs they don't understand.  I am seeing a re-occurring theme that I find so unsettling.

It's the over-correction, under-supportive, non compassionate, non empathetic way that schools often view, and treat our children.

It seems so common that I find most parents don't even notice it.  They just see the way their child is treated as the way it is.  It doesn't have to be. Most find what happened to my son to be appalling, but what they don't understand is that if their child is being restrained at any point in their day that could easily be their child.

I have written a lot about behavior supports, and such, and will include those entries at the end of this entry for a reference to those that may not have seen it. As a quick reference, here are some points I'd like people to remember when dealing with the school, and autistic children.

* If your child is struggling in any way with school personnel, and behavior request a Functional Behavior Assessment. Don't think that it would cause too much trouble, or think that just because a certain para is working with your child that they'll be okay. Don't let the school make you feel that they're doing so much that you should be grateful, and not ask for more. That was the biggest mistake I made, by far.

Back to School IEP Tips and Ideas

A few weeks ago I promised that I would share some tips about how Bubby's IEP meeting went.

It wasn't quite an 'IEP' meeting. I guess it was just an informal meeting designed to update old staff, and inform new staff about Bubby's needs. It was not to change, or alter the IEP, so I suppose that is the only difference. The whole team was there, as well as as the coordinator of  our local educational coop's special ed dept as per my request.

First of all, it was a night, and day difference with the way the principal behaved with the Special ed. coordinator there. He still said a few things that were not in line with today's laws, and regulations, but all in all his obstinate, bully-ish demeanor changed to a subdued version of that demeanor. He barely concealed his contempt at having to use what he would consider nontraditional methods on his school, because he doesn't feel he should have to bend for any student, but rather if the student can't acclimate to his environment, then they should go to a different placement. But, since that is a violation of law I work my way around him. If you had not been up to date with Bubby's school situation here is my last entry about it.

First, here is the letter that I write every school year to help acquaint them with Bubby,. and his needs.

Hello!

At the beginning of every year I always like to make up a little info sheet about Bubby to hand out to teachers, as well as a shorter version for you to tuck away in your sub folders to help quickly acquaint substitutes with Bubby.

Understanding the Why When Teaching Autistic Children

I have seen a theme of discussion here lately about "pushing" autistic kids. From Temple Grandin's speeches to autism pages, and blogs that I read. I have posted, and spoken about it a lot on my own personal page, even going so far as to tag educators that work with my son. I somehow feel they probably don't appreciate that. Their knowledge comes from classroom teachers, and textbooks, which is fine. There is nothing wrong with that, but the picture is not complete without the perspective of people that are on the spectrum weighing in on the subject.  After all, we once were the kids they are teaching now.

I have argued in real time with some of the people that work with my sons about the idea of pushing. What it means, what it doesn't, and when it should occur, if ever. I still don't think I have made myself clear, or come to any agreement so far with many.

I think part of the issue is what does pushing really mean? Does that mean 40 hours of ABA? Does it mean constant repetition, and hand over hand?  Does it mean do this, and get this? This is where it gets sticky, because what seems like pushing to one person isn't to another.  We're all different in how we interpret things.

School Update

As promised, I am updating about the school situation with Bubby.

I won't give you a run down of who said what, and a play by play, because that takes too long, and is frankly boring to read.  It went, overall , well.  As requested, the behavior consultant, and the autism specialist attended, as well as Bubby's special ed teacher.  This wasn't really a strcuctured meeting, but rather a forum to throw out ideas, and strategies to take to the IEP meeting, so that we can amend the IEP appropriately.  Normally, we would not have to hold a full meeting to amend the IEP, but since the staff seems to never be on the same page we will have a full meeting.  I think the date was scheduled tentatively for the 25th, with the understanding that much of what we discussed would be put in place immediately.

We decided that it would be best at this time if Bubby never had any homework to take home.  Instead, we found a space in his day where he could work on any unfinished work he might have at school.  If there is no unfinished work, then he might  have time to relax, and do something fun. This is going to make the rest of the team mad, because they vehemently disagree with the idea of no homework. 

Square Pegs and Civil Rights

I mentioned some school issues with Bubby in the post before last  New Places & Trying New Things.  I left everything kinda up in the air during that post, and promised a follow up.  So, here it is.

We did make it safely to the new counselor's office, despite sleet, blown tires, and broken windshield wipers.  The counselor was very nice, and appeared to have a good understanding of autism.  I was really nervous that she would either a). not know much of anything about autism, or even more so Asperger's. Or b). think that I am one of those moms that like to make a big deal out of nothing, and doubt he is autistic at all.  So, I was relieved when my fears were baseless in reality. I think she and Bubby will get along great, and I look forward to continuing to see her.

So, that is a super positive in our corner.

The behavior consultant observed Bubby for the second time yesterday, and called me as I requested to discuss what she thought. The first time, it was all rainbows, and flowers. That worried me, because even though I know 2/3 of his day is pleasant as she observed, there is the 1/3 that is not, which is the third that is causing serious issues.  This time when she observed it must have all just lined up right, because she was able to see his every button pushed, and severe meltdown ensue.  I was not the least bit pleased at the meltdown in, and of itself, but that she was able to see it unfold. It's hard to write a behavior plan, and make recommendation on a student that you've never really seen the problem "behaviors".  We discussed several things that may help on the phone.  She also disclosed to me that she will be meeting with the special ed. teacher tomorrow to discuss with her what her thoughts were.  I sent an email, and invited myself to the meeting.  I'm sure the special ed teacher is less than thrilled with that, but at this point I feel I must get pushy.  The behavior consultant also disclosed to me that she had at one point asked the special ed teacher if she would like for the county's autism specialist to come out, and do some training, and that idea was turned down. That did not make me happy, so I have called the autism specialist myself, and am asked for her to consult with the behavior consultant to decide the next steps should be. I have met the autism specialist a few times, and she is a bit abrasive, and difficult to get along with in a lot of ways, but I am desperate. This may backfire on me, but I have to take that chance. I asked around to people that have worked with her before, and the general consensus is that she does not work well with children, but is great at putting together plans, and training. So, I am feeling like bringing her into the picture is worth the risk.

So, at this point it is just a lot of research, and searching out the right people to help me help my son.  The local advocacy center didn't have anymore ideas, than the ones I am already pursuing.  I sometimes think I ought to get a job there. lol  I am scouring our state's ed. website, and printing pages that speak to the issues we are having, and what the law says about Least Restrictive Environment, Behavior Plans, Present Levels of functional Performance, ect... I am also searching through Wrightslaw site to determine what actions I need to take, and what actions have been successfully taken by parents before. I am printing out documents of such court cases.

I feel like I am doing all that I can to ensure a proper education of my son in a regular ed environment. It may not be easy, but it is necessary.  If all else fails, I will homeschool him, but that is last resort.  To me, I am not just fighting this fight for him, but for every disabled child that comes through our tiny town's education system.  They try to break them to fit them into what they want, and if they can't they send them to special classrooms in another town. Nope. Not happening here, if I can help it.  He deserves to have a place in school, just like anyone else.  He also is well liked, and accepted by his peers.  It's the adults that are the issue here.  It's time for outmoded beliefs, and ideas to get an update. 

Autie Exhaustion

Today, I am suffering from autie exhaustion.  What is autie exhaustion, and how does it differ from regular exhaustion, you may ask.  I am not exactly sure there is a cut, and dry answer to that.  I think there are differences.  I am fairly certain that 'typical' people get exhausted from being overstimulated sometimes, as well, especially introverts.  I think introverts will certainly understand how this feels, even if they never quite feel the depth of it the way autistics can.

This kind of issue is usually cleverly camouflaged by quick moving moods, that tend to appear,and fade without warning in depths