Helpful Guide to Understanding Meltdowns

One of the most common questions that I am asked is about meltdowns. It is understandably one of the biggest issues a person on the spectrum can face, and it can really make loved ones feel helpless. I always feel a little bit hesitant on giving much general advice. I find that there are about as many different types of meltdowns, as well as ways to help as there are autistic people. What works for one may not work for another, and vice versa. So, I thought that I could offer some general tips and ideas based off of what I have seen in my life. Some of these won't apply to you, or the autistic people you might know, but hopefully a few will be able to at least provide a little insight.

So, what is a meltdown?

This questions jumps right to the center of what this entry is about. It's also one that is really hard to answer. I don't know how to describe something that has no physical form. It's almost like trying describe what an emotion is. I just can't quite find the right words to convey the depth of a meltdown, and it's many, many facets.

I think a common misconception is that there is only one kind of meltdown. This is what makes it seem so elusive to onlookers who want desperately to problem solve when their autistic child/loved one is in the throes of what they think is a meltdown. What worked last time might not work this time, and a trigger that seemed to be mild last Thursday might be too much today. There's different types of meltdowns, as well as different combinations of things that tend to set one off at different times, and believe it or not is even unpredictable to many of us adults who are very self aware.

I can list a few different general types, and triggers so that you might be able to gather some info from here to possibly compare to your own situation. One thing that I heard once from a behavior specialist is that a meltdown is like a seizure in that you cannot stop one once it's started. You can make one worse, and you can prolong it's effects, but once the brain has reached that tipping point it is over. You can't unspill the overload, which is is to me what a meltdown is. It is an acute reaction to too much happening all at once, in which the brain has no way to cope, or contain. The excess must go somewhere. From what I can gather there are three main categories of meltdowns. Sensory, Executive functioning mishaps, and Emotional.

The different types of meltdowns:

I Want To Be An Approachable #Autism (self) Advocate

A few weeks ago I made a mention on my personal page about some comments I had heard recently from Bean's attendant care worker, and a few other people that were less than politically correct. Some of the comments were downright insensitive, and misinformed. My special needs community friends on FB were appalled. I was as well, but I saved that reaction for behind the scenes.

Why?

You're Autistic?! No Way!

I don't always tell others about my AS diagnosis, whether I know them well, or not.  Sometimes I do, but with quiet trepidation as I await the response. I will not lie. The response determines how likely I might be in future  to disclose my diagnosis. I always blurt it out quickly, through the sound of my pulse rushing in my ears making me almost anxiously deaf to the world for that moment I await the response from the other party. I lean in, hoping for some sign of acceptance... I almost always get one of two responses.

The most common- "I would never

The Autistic Student- Won't vs. Can't

It seems pretty common to hear parents of ASD children talk about a time when someone told them that their child can't or won't be able to do this, or learn that.  I come across stories like that all the time. As wrong as I think that is, that has been rarely my experience with my kids, or even myself. As a matter of fact, it's been the opposite.

I don't know how many IEP meetings that have been called by me to discuss services for Bubby. No one has ever said "He can't do it." It's always been "He can if he tried."

What If I Can?- letting go of the belief that I am limited

There are events that occur in our lives that change our path to something radically different in just a few minutes, or hours.  Last month, one of those life changing events happened to my family.

When Beans came home from school hurt on the 10th of last month my journey as a mother took a sharp turn.  I pulled everything to a halt, as I searched for answers as to what happened, and what I can do to help Beans get the education he has a right to receive.  I didn't count on the odds being stacked against us. I didn't anticipate so much hostility from the people that are supposed to educate my child, and have his best interests at heart. The shocking amount of covering up for each other, and adversarial nature of all involved was a life lesson I wish I never got.

As my biggest fears were realized in this situation I realized something else. I realized that my biggest, most tallest fear was that I was incapable. The way in which I underestimated who I am, and what I can do is by far my biggest weakness, and my biggest fear producer.

I realized that in this moment of adversity I could fight it, and get stuck on the part where we are the victim, or I could move forward on this path that I have been suddenly thrust upon.  I began to see the new situation, and the new found path as a journey full of opportunity, borne of unfortunate circumstance.

Be specific- How my autistic brain thrives on rules.

I used to spend hours arranging my barbies, and stuffed toys in rows.  I would take my line down again, and make a new rule for the order, and begin a new line.  The order might be by animal type, alphabetical, color, or even by most favorite to least.  I LOVED playing 'store' and would spend hours arranging all the 'merchandise' in my store.  I even made little price tags, and and sales receipts. I spent 10 times longer setting up my store, than actually playing with it.  I mostly liked playing with my brother, because he had to play my way.  I didn't have so much control over other children.  I wasn't very nice to my brother, and would often smack (I'm embarrassed to admit that!) him when he didn't obey my rules.

Now, I do this with adult things. 

#Autism & Self-Acceptance

I posted a pretty long post on my FB page about how I process emotions after I yet again, took something too seriously that my husband had said, and made a bigger deal out of it, than it really was.  This is something that always happens to me.  When I say always, I mean at least a few times a week.  It doesn't help that I have a hubby that I swear has ADHD, and everything is a joke to him.  My autistic brain is literal, and I often feel like he's making fun of me, when he is just interpreting the world in the way his brain is wired.  Anyway, this is what I wrote:

"Emotional regulation issues, and autism/asperger's. I find that I get irritated, and anxious by minor issues often, only to realize later while looking back that the thing that seemed so upsetting, or anxiety provoking really wasn't that big of a deal in the first place. I sometimes am embarrassed about my overreaction to seemingly insignificant occurrences, and the anxiety about how others might view me in light of my meltdown, or the anxiety about it happening again will keep me from trying new things, and socializing, if I let it.

As I have gotten acquainted with ASD, and what it's all about I have become aware of the reasons behind this phenomenon. One big one is weak central coherence (inability to see the bigger picture) and the other two are executive functioning issues, combined with difficulty in detecting, and describing emotional states. It's hard for me to see the bigger picture when I see something that goes wrong in my mind. I lose sight of how to get it back on track, and struggle with understanding how to deal with mounting emotions.

The last, but least of these triggers is, the deep down fear that I am being judged harshly by others, and won't/don't measure up. I think this reason is one that most, on or off the spectrum can relate to, but for those of us that seem to get things wrong so often, self-doubt is often a big obstacle to overcome when trying to regulate our emotions. I can lash out defensively, as if I deep wound has been ripped open, because in some ways, for me it may feel like it has. Learning mindfulness, and lot, and lots of opportunities to learn self-acceptance has helped a lot."

 

Then someone asked a million dollar question: How do/did you learn self-acceptance?  Can you give some examples of that?

Why Don't You-Yes But

Grab your suitcases, and put on your time travel hats, because we're heading back into the 60's here to visit Eric Berne the author of  'Games People Play' and the creator of Transactional Analysis, which is still  relevant in current psychology practices today.  I have not read 'Games People Play', yet, but it is so on my list of things I'm gonna read.  I think that anyone on the spectrum that wants to understand why people do what they do ought to research Mr. Berne's theories.  They can offer a wide picture into the minds of people, and guide one through the thought processes of pretty much all human behavior.  Once understood, it can be a little easier to navigate the social world. Some of the material is dated, but I find all of it fascinating, nonetheless.

The game that I would like to talk about today is called 'Why don't you-yes but' game.  The reason I am outlining this particular game here, rather than to talk about TA as a general idea for the entirety of this post is because I am wanting to talk about this phenomenon (or game), specifically.  It is one that I am done playing. I am forfeiting, and moving on to save myself the frustration of the whole thing.

The basic way the game goes is this: taken from here

'Why don't you – yes but'

This game begins when a person states a problem in their life, and another responds by offering constructive suggestions on how to solve it. The subject says 'yes, but...' and proceeds to find issue with the solutions. In adult mode she would examine and probably take on board a solution (an Adult stance), but this is not the purpose of the exchange. Its purpose is to allow the subject to gain sympathy from others in her inadequacy to meet the situation (Child mode). The problem-solvers, in turn, get the opportunity to play wise Parent.