Give Me a Sign- Expressions of PosAutivity: #AutismPositivity2014

I have been thinking about doing a Autism Positivity blog post entry  for a few days. I kept drawing a blank on what to write about, so I was unsure if I would participate. Then, I read last night that this year's suggested theme is communication, and expression. This new info reminded me of a post that I have been thinking about writing for awhile. I hesitated, because I don't know if many will think it's positive. I don't know how it will be received by others in the autism community, especially those that don't typically follow my blog who don't know our story. Then, I remembered how much I tend to care about people who don't know my story who want to lend judgment on how I should express myself. I have no cares to give about those opinions. While speaking about the themes being self expression,and communication style of people with autism I can safely say this blog is how I express so much of my inner self. The people that follow me here know me more authentically than anyone I know in real life who has never read my writing (save maybe a couple people), so I do myself a disservice when I censor my writing to fit what what I think others want to read.

As most of you know I have a 10 year old profoundly autistic son named Beans. He is nonverbal. For years, the school, and private speech tried to teach him to use Picture Communication Symbols, or PECs for short. We tried the symbols, the actual pictures, and even objects. We tried devices, and differing methods all the while Beans became more, and more irate while virtually not improving in any of the methods, at all. As we all know, behavior is communication. It didn't take me very long to decipher what he was upset about. Life is confusing, and overwhelming for him as it is, but imagine being asked to participate in an activity for 7 years that made no sense to you, everyday. You were asked to point at random pictures, and not allowed to do anything until you did. This activity would follow you from eating to playing. Always that book of pictures. I often wondered what they looked like to him. Were they just colorful pieces of laminated paper? How did he feel when he saw that book come out day after day? He melted down more frequently, and his communication had not improved any measurable amount in that seven years. We had some of the best service providers in the country teaching him to use the book in private speech, and public school. No, to little improvement was a clear indication this was not working for him. The meltdowns from frustration was a clear sign to me that he does not learn this way.

I didn't know the struggle that lay ahead of me in getting professionals on board to use another method. It was such a shocking, and sobering experience to me to be completely shot down when

Early Bird

Well, here I am up before the sun again.  Sigh.  Sleep deprivation has to rate among the things that i will willingly admit I dislike about being a mom of an autistic child.  Beans thinks it's okay to awaken at all hours and is full on ready to get his day on sometimes at 3:30 AM.  Today it was 5:30, so that's not awful.  I wish that I could have slept a good 2 more hours, but that's not what today had in store.  I'm trying to make the most of it by using this time to blog and plan my day. He went straight for his Picture Exchange Cards, undoubtedly looking for the candy PECs that I already took out, as they are not a breakfast choice. lol I am thrilled about the new skill of discriminating his PECs.  He picked saltine crackers for breakfast.  Unusual, but not too far out of a request. He is happily swinging away on the platform swing in the living room yelling "daydum.  mmmmmmmm. shhhhhh  ahhhhhhh mmmmmm."  Those are his happy noises along with high pitched 'eeeeeeee' that he also likes to make at people he likes, especially children.  It often times frightens children, because he will get up to their face nose to nose to screech.  It's his way of saying hi.  People stare.  No doubt, they stare.  I don't often notice, as with my own autistic tendencies I don't notice much about what people around me are doing, nor do I read them or their agenda well.  My husband does, and he says we get many stares and looks.  Some quite nasty, as if to say we shouldn't have even took him out of the house.  Well, we did, and we do, they can just carry their hate and prejudice to someone who cares.  He has every right to be at the store and places like McDonald's.  We work very hard in making sure all of our children are minding manners and being courteous to everyone around us, so any irritation is the fault of the other person's intolerance of difference and not of the fact that either of my boys are being a nuisance.

I love my Beans, though.  He is so cute and sweet I don't mind (too much) about being tired all of the time.