To preface this, I am naturally a thin person. The only time I have ever gained any weight was two years ago when I quit smoking and quit taking my thyroid medicine simultaneously. That set forth anorexic behavior, but before that I was more just disordered in how I viewed myself. Though, I will admit that food isn't that important to me . I haven't been underweight most of my life due to purposeful starvation.
This is what I looked like four years ago:
Now, that my image is healthier and my confidence is a little little better I can clearly see that I look unhealthy, and not the slightest bit fat. It is my job to be certain to never ever go to the place again where I think that the picture above is one of an overweight person.This entail me being okay with who I am and risking showing my authentic self to the world. This means me having to face anxiety and uncertainty. This is about me knowing that these disordered thoughts are really just manifestations of my deeply held fears that I am not good enough, that I am not successful enough. In my mind, if I am able to keep things orderly on the outside, then I will be able to at least appear successful. It's all about control and letting go of it, as scary as that is.
Here is me today: