She's No One's Best Friend

A few years ago, I was talking to an acquaintance on the phone about a lady we both knew.  I didn't know her, but from passing. I'd never spoken to her, but her presence kind of came off as a little insane.  The person I was talking to said "She's no one's best friend. She's just not the best friend type.". That phrase really stuck with me. It was something I thought about since then quite a bit. It seemed that it fit me quite well.

I've already talked about my aversion to group activities, and why I'm not popular, and never will be. This post kind of attaches itself to those by subject.  I have a strange aversion to being the center of attention, and wanting to be. It's a strange contradiction. On one hand, I love getting likes on FB page, and feel nothing short of very sad when I lose likes, or 'people talking about this' goes down, yet I am not willing to be someone I am not to get more likes. I am not just a parent blogger.

Closets From my Past

These last couple of nights I have been having dreams of an odd nature. Not only am I able to recall them when I awake, but they are that kind of realistic dream that sticks with you for awhile.  You are aware of the heaviness that it imprints on your consciousness emotionally.  I feel kind of nostalgic, and sad.

In both of them I was on a road trip that suddenly landed me at my parent's house.  Their home in real life is a few hours away, so you would not just stumble on it by accident, and decide to stop in, but in my dream that is what happened. I felt kinda lost, and not sure where to go, and what to do.

In the first dream I was in my old room going through my closet, cleaning out clothes.  I was surprised at how much still fit. What I was stuck on, was what was still in style. I kept second-guessing my keep, and throw out piles. I would try them on, and wonder to myself "Does this still work?" "Is this in style?"  I couldn't always decide what was still in style, or not, so I began imploring my husband's opinion. He told me it wasn't his choice. I'd have to decide for myself.

In my dream, I felt very oppressed,

#Autistic Overwhelm Prevention

Yesterday, I was reminded of my personal boundaries in a potentially lethal way.

Lately, I have been having to answer phones, and do other office work for my husband's business that has grown too large for him to manage on his own. There is a series of urgent calls with frantic customers on the other line needing their needs put first.  They all are important, and they all have relavent needs, but unfortunately, there is only so much work my husband can get to ay any given time.

Secretary work, by far, is NOT my thing.  I don't like phones, and I don't like chatting with strangers. But, this is a life necessity.  I can handle it, once I get used to the routine, and develop a new one. Plus, there will not always be this volume of calls, and other duties on a constant stream.  I am aware of that, so I am being rational about it.

However, my brain is taxed.  I thrive on routine to keep my brain running smoothly.  This is stops me from overexerting and having to over think every move due to poor executive functioning skills, or really not skills, but ability, maybe?  Skills implies that I need to learn more, but I have learned what helps me, and that is having s solid routine, as well as not overdoing things by trying to multitask. Yesterday, I had several appointments, and errands to run, as well as phones to tend to, and calls to return.

I felt a bit rushed, but fine. I felt like I was a bit uncomfortable, but could manage.  Then, I backed into a car leaving an appointment. I didn't see him there, but it was just a superficial bump.  All is good.  I head to my next stops, and head home.  I start not to be able to remember the phone calls I made this morning. Who did I say what to? Nevermind, I will remember later. I head out to take the dog to his obedience class. Crossing an intersection I bump another car. This was almost a big accident. I should have not done this.  This is my brain malfunctioning.

I forgot the rule of how my brain works.

Twirling Naked in the Streets-and No One Noticed- Review & #Giveaway

Twirling Naked in the Streets-and No One Noticed- Growing up with undiagnosed autism

Jeannie Davide-Rivera was born 1974 in Brooklyn, New York decades before Asperger Syndrome would be recognized in the United States as a diagnosis.

In her book, she takes you through a first person account of what it was like for her growing up. She recalls very early memories as a toddler playing with her imaginary friends, and first special interests The New York Yankees, to her precocious reading ability that lent her the ability to memorize large amounts of information as a very young child.  Her book takes you through an amazing journey of ups, downs, tears, and laughs as Jeannie recounts her experiences.

I Wish The World Had a Pause Button

Ever since I was a child I can remember that I can go from being completely happy, and okay with my current situation, to completely overwhelmed, and confused. When this happens the only thought in my mind is to run away.   I need the world to stop, so I can process it. I need people to stop talking, stop moving, stop everything. I need time to pause, so I can recover my wits. Obviously, the problem with this is that the world doesn't stop just because I'd like it to. I wish I could hit pause. I wish the world had a pause button.