Today is Autism Awareness Day.
I posted this on my personal page in regards to Autism Awareness month:
"April is Autism Awareness month. I usually
join in, but this year I don't think I have it in me, unless I am to
somehow gain some momentum outside of dealing the pressure that I am
under from so many areas, mostly the school who is autism unaware, and
fine with that unawareness. Willful ignorance is probably a better
description. I am done with what seems
to be me preaching to the choir, because they're the only ones listening
anyway. If you want to know more about autism, and are not already on
my autism page, or aware of my blog, let me know. I can direct you to
all the information you could ever want to know, but I'm done spinning
my wheels trying to make others get it, that never will. I'm too busy
making sure my boys have a better chance at life than the autistics that
went before them. I don't have time for the petty ignorance of who has
the right to say what, or wearing certain colors for this or that. It's
time to move up and onward. Only action oriented advocacy can do that,
and my actions start at home with my family. My sons, especially Bubby,
need my focus to be on them, and their rights. Making sure they are
taken care of, has a fair education, and is treated with respect is my
contribution to the autism community this year."
This is pretty self-explanatory in what I mean, and why. But, there is another reason why I don't participate in big organized events. One more silly, and one that I don't think I understand, but it's a tightly held character trait, nonetheless.
I'm completely oppositional.
Not all the time, and not with everyone. But, in regards to social groups doing one thing or another in concert I tend to have an automatic reflex that says "No!" like a 2 year old going through the no phase. I don't trust group dynamics. I feel that every time I see social influence on anything I have to closely examine the whole inner working of the ideas, and actions. I must first have all of my 'wh' questions answered before I can lend any participation to group projects. It all must meet my intellectual, and moral approval before I can endorse it with my efforts. Not that I think the world hinges on whether or not I endorse something, or that people are awaiting for my presence to grace their movement. I'm sure no one cares whether I join or not, but I care. I care deeply what kind of person I am, and what character I build.
Also, I very much dislike being part of a group. If everyone else is doing something, I suddenly lose all interest in it. I don't know why. It's just a personality quirk I have. I seriously dislike people imitating me, as well. When I was younger this would cause meltdowns. Especially, in high school when a certain girl used to copy my outfits, and everything that I did, and said. It was creepy. It made me furious. If I wanted to be a clone, I'd join in with the rest of the cliques. I certainly did not want others copying me. I look back at it now, and realize that someone imitating me was a form of flattery, but I totally didn't feel that way then. I have the philosophy that if someone else is doing it, then I don't want to.
So, what is an obstinate aspie to do when one has an aversion to group activities, especially those that involve social politics? Guess, I will just keep on being the loner that I am. A nice loner, though. I really am friendly, and kind. I am just not group think friendly.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
12 comments:
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I have this certain "gut gauge" that starts to turn into a knot when I feel the pull of group pressure. I do not like the feeling that I "have" to join or I am going to be excluded.
ReplyDeleteI had initially felt like I would not participate at all then, I felt like I wanted to share what I felt about the month of April because it was turning into a terrible anxiety for me. I wrote about it and it helped me process and move on.
I was doing well until ... I noticed an Autistic peer liked my post and moments later, I suppose after reading it, they unliked it.
It started a spiral of thought for a while, but I decided that if a fellow autistic was going to reject me for not writing what they wanted then, that does not feel accepting. I focused on all the other people that I have have met in the community and those positive experiences instead.
"I seriously dislike people imitating me, as well."
Me too! It has caused me to have meltdowns as an adult! Then, I could not understand why I was so upset about it. I now understand the flattery thing, but I still do not like it and will start to distance myself from people if I start to "feel" them doing that.
P.S. I am not copying you. Lol!
That "like" button thing has happened to me lately, too. Not sure what to make of it, but I wondered if they didn't accidentally unlike it?
DeleteYeah, I have to be honest here, for the most part, only unstable types of women go around copying others, especially as adults, so I definitely pay attention to other's people's intentions, and mental stability when they, as adults, imitate me. It weirds me out for a reason. I don't think this is like the "me too!" when someone can relate to something I say, though. I find that comforting. So now worries. lol
Re. like buttons, there could many reasons for that and it doesn't need to be intentional. E.g:
Delete1. Technical: the person read your post and clicked 'Like' in a feedreader (e.g. Flipboard, Reader CSS) on his mobile device (tablet, phone), but it didn't seem to work so he clicked several time and then gave up. (this has happened to me. I read most posts in feeds on my tablet)
2. Honesty: the person hit 'Like' accidentally and didn't mean to click 'Like' because he hadn't read the post and it is dishonest to 'Like' something without reading it first. He didn't have time to read it/was interrupted and forgot to/failed to return to the post later.
3. Shyness or political reasons: the person hit 'Like' accidentally and didn't want to because it leaves a track, and the person wanted to read it anonymously. Obviously, he did not predict that the 'Like' would be noticed before he deleted it, so he considered the action to be neutral.
Just suggestions. Your guess on the reason (that the reader disagreed with your view) is just one of many possible explanations.
The WP like button is delayed sometimes. I often push it twice, because it seems to not have taken the first time.
DeleteYou sound very like my son, which is comforting, but I don't like group think either!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of introverts can relate to the loner kinda way of being!
DeleteI am not autistic, but I also don't trust group dynamics and (usually, but not always) dislike being part of a group. I don't mind being part of a group if it is something like an exercise class--but when it comes to ideas or philosophies--I am cautious. It is too easy to just "go along" with the group.
ReplyDeleteOne of the dangers of "democracy" is that people can be manipulated. A few clever people, for example, who may control the media, can influence the majority of people. Many people, I am sorry to say, don't think for themselves.
Yes, I think you have it. People not thinking for themselves bothers me the most. I have an innate drive to dig me heals in, and pause when confronted with anything that even remotely sounds like group influence, and I wonder why others don't see through our media, government, ect...
DeleteI can understand where your sentiment comes from ...I sometimes feel so tired dealing with life that I just don't have anything left in me to deal with the BS of awareness or advocacy if it isn't for my own kids. That said, I have perked up a little this month and written a bit on Autism Awareness because I've felt driven to do so.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many amazing perspectives on the whole idea of awareness, Autism awareness month, etc - part of awareness, for me, has been in realizing and understanding (as much as I can) and educating myself on those other opinions.
You're right, there are so many amazing perspectives out there in the autism community that I never feel like I can even read a quarter of them. I try, though!
DeleteAs for the post, I can totally relate to that. I am generally deeply suspicious to 'group think' too... and I am glad I am not the only one, although it is a bit of a 'party-popper' habit to be so sceptical and inquisitive, always questioning the assumptions.
ReplyDeleteHa! I am probably regarded as a party pooper. I have to think, and question, so doing otherwise would be against who I am.
Delete