Today is Autism Awareness Day.
I posted this on my personal page in regards to Autism Awareness month:
"April is Autism Awareness month. I usually
join in, but this year I don't think I have it in me, unless I am to
somehow gain some momentum outside of dealing the pressure that I am
under from so many areas, mostly the school who is autism unaware, and
fine with that unawareness. Willful ignorance is probably a better
description. I am done with what seems
to be me preaching to the choir, because they're the only ones listening
anyway. If you want to know more about autism, and are not already on
my autism page, or aware of my blog, let me know. I can direct you to
all the information you could ever want to know, but I'm done spinning
my wheels trying to make others get it, that never will. I'm too busy
making sure my boys have a better chance at life than the autistics that
went before them. I don't have time for the petty ignorance of who has
the right to say what, or wearing certain colors for this or that. It's
time to move up and onward. Only action oriented advocacy can do that,
and my actions start at home with my family. My sons, especially Bubby,
need my focus to be on them, and their rights. Making sure they are
taken care of, has a fair education, and is treated with respect is my
contribution to the autism community this year."
This is pretty self-explanatory in what I mean, and why. But, there is another reason why I don't participate in big organized events. One more silly, and one that I don't think I understand, but it's a tightly held character trait, nonetheless.
I'm completely oppositional.
Not all the time, and not with everyone. But, in regards to social groups doing one thing or another in concert I tend to have an automatic reflex that says "No!" like a 2 year old going through the no phase. I don't trust group dynamics. I feel that every time I see social influence on anything I have to closely examine the whole inner working of the ideas, and actions. I must first have all of my 'wh' questions answered before I can lend any participation to group projects. It all must meet my intellectual, and moral approval before I can endorse it with my efforts. Not that I think the world hinges on whether or not I endorse something, or that people are awaiting for my presence to grace their movement. I'm sure no one cares whether I join or not, but I care. I care deeply what kind of person I am, and what character I build.
Also, I very much dislike being part of a group. If everyone else is doing something, I suddenly lose all interest in it. I don't know why. It's just a personality quirk I have. I seriously dislike people imitating me, as well. When I was younger this would cause meltdowns. Especially, in high school when a certain girl used to copy my outfits, and everything that I did, and said. It was creepy. It made me furious. If I wanted to be a clone, I'd join in with the rest of the cliques. I certainly did not want others copying me. I look back at it now, and realize that someone imitating me was a form of flattery, but I totally didn't feel that way then. I have the philosophy that if someone else is doing it, then I don't want to.
So, what is an obstinate aspie to do when one has an aversion to group activities, especially those that involve social politics? Guess, I will just keep on being the loner that I am. A nice loner, though. I really am friendly, and kind. I am just not group think friendly.