Thursday, July 11, 2013

She's No One's Best Friend

A few years ago, I was talking to an acquaintance on the phone about a lady we both knew.  I didn't know her, but from passing. I'd never spoken to her, but her presence kind of came off as a little insane.  The person I was talking to said "She's no one's best friend. She's just not the best friend type.". That phrase really stuck with me. It was something I thought about since then quite a bit. It seemed that it fit me quite well.

I've already talked about my aversion to group activities, and why I'm not popular, and never will be. This post kind of attaches itself to those by subject.  I have a strange aversion to being the center of attention, and wanting to be. It's a strange contradiction. On one hand, I love getting likes on FB page, and feel nothing short of very sad when I lose likes, or 'people talking about this' goes down, yet I am not willing to be someone I am not to get more likes. I am not just a parent blogger.
I am not going to sit here, and dole out my parenting philosophy , how good, bad, and ugly my parenting is, ect... in every post. It's not my thing.Neither is going on about people not thinking my kid is rude, or spoiled, and how they're ignorant. I wish I could conjure up enough care to care what everyone in my neighborhood thinks of my parenting, but my ego just isn't big enough, or something. I just don't think about it. I'm certainly not gonna go crazy on anyone who looks at my kid wrong, or even share one of the many, many variations of  photos about it on FB. It would certainly get me more likes, and followers, but it would be in vain. It would be pretending to be someone I am not, and I will never do that. 

On the same token, I am not the outspoken autistic advocate screaming about how awesome autism is, and how I am discriminated against. I'm not.

I have also unfollowed any pages that have drama on them. I cannot stand other women who think they can build themselves up by tearing down other moms. If a page has too much of that kind of judgment going on, I'm outta there. It takes the same amount of energy to extend negativity, as it does a helping hand. Your character decides which is more valuable to you.

I used to think about what would make people read my blog more, or what would get me more likes. I would try to tailor my posts to that. I'm not doing that anymore. I am posting what I want, and if people like it they will continue to read, and if they don't they won't. 

I have quit all FB groups that are needed for local events, and I am not really closely following any other pages besides a maybe 2 or 3 friends.  I can't afford the energy to keep worrying. I can't afford the energy to lose this game again, because I know I will. I will not ever be popular, as I said earleir. I keep losing likes on my FB page, and I will not lie, it hurts my feelings every time. I'd rather lose friends on my personal page than to lose likes on my Inner Aspie page.  The only remedy for this that I have found is to stop caring.
I'm up for the challenge! These pages represent my journey.

I have to be true to myself, and my values. I am who I am, and I can't change that. Maybe, I wish I was someone else sometimes, but logically that can't happen. I am stuck with myself, so I might as well make the best of it. I am no one's best friend. I am on my own. I may not be well liked, but it's who I am, and I would rather be disliked for who I am, than liked for who I'm not, so I'm gonna post whatever I want to. My last post is about dreams, and I knew it would not be well read. It's boring to most, and unrelatable. People like posts they can identify with, and my weird dreams are not something a wide audience is going to click with. I posted it anyway, because it MY interest, and I'm blogging for me now.


17 comments:

  1. I have had many best friends over the years. They never lasted. I guess I'm not best friend material either. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll bet you're a good friend, though. I may not be anyone's bestie, but I'm a loyal friend that cares deeply for others.

      Delete
  2. Never stop writing for YOU!!! AND, I enjoyed your dream post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! I replied to your comment there, too!

      Delete
  3. We are out here, sometimes we just don't post! Keep being yourself, there are more of us than you think! And I would love to know what my dreams mean, too. I have never been satisfied with dream dictionaries, if anyone knows of a good one I would love to see it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I updated the post with the two I use mostly. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ and http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/dreamdictionary/analyzer/ If you get stuck on one, just email, and I might be able to help.

      Thanks for your comments!

      Delete
  4. When you look around at who and what is 'popular', be glad not to be in that camp. The 'popular' concept of good friends leaves a lot to be desired. You are right to be your own best friend. Write what is a truth for you, (as this post was one for me) and you can't go wrong with YOU. I am no one's best friend either, but I am one or two people's most dependable, most loyal (most sensible) and most spiritually informing. I refuse to pander to someone's ego and this I suspect is what makes me feel as though I am 'unpopular'. I just can't do it with any sincerity of being. I know I am appealing to their ego and insincerity is probably written all over my face. Heh. Most people want their ego enlarged but some a rare few value me for what IYAM. And we laugh a lot and I tell them strange things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you are right. I value true companionship that is completely authentic. I am also very loyal, and dependable.

      Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
  5. Sorry I mean't popular concept of 'best' friends. Best friends suck. Good friends are good.

    ReplyDelete
  6. .... my 1 or 2 friends reflect back a truth to me and we are happy with that. False friends are . . . false--Popularity is over-rated! Smacks of the LCD.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would much rather have one real friend than 10 fake ones. It seems to me that the popular people and groups always tend to exclude others for one reason or another. I would never want to be like that. And being true to yourself is always the way to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sure is. Otherwise we tend to lose ourselves little by little in other people's identity, and before we know it it's hard to see where they stop, and we start.

      Delete
  8. TY for you post. Its 3 am and I am sitting in bed upset. On this very issue. I had a best friend. At least I thought I did. I appreciate your blogs in that I can relate to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comments. I always like hearing from you. I hope you're feeling better!

      Delete
  9. Linkus Bless wrote a great post - said it so perfectly.

    Again, we are very alike in many ways. Throughout life, I have found that while most people like me, I'm not really considered anybody's "best" friend. I've been very hurt at times when someone I thought was a close friend did something which indicated that they don't feel the same way. And this still happens.

    As I've matured, I've come to believe that the concept of "best friend" is somewhat of a hangover from childhood, perhaps when the rules were more simple. We do things together, you are there for me, I invite you to my birthday party and vice versa. But in adulthood, things are more complex and life gets in the way. I think also that it is very unrealistic to expect friendship to last a lifetime when people change.

    I also have realised that some people have a very different concept of what is valuable in a friend or what constitutes a best friend. Is it someone who has known you all your life? Is it a person with whom you feel an amazing connection? Is it someone in whom you confide? I think it can be all or none of those things. It might be a generalisation but men think differently about this issue to women. Perhaps they are less burdened with the emotional overlay that is always present in women's friendships. Women tend to expect a lot from those they consider best friends. I wonder at times whether so much of that expectation is realistic.

    It seems to me that my own need for space probably has a lot to do with this issue. I like people but enjoy their company but there is always some distance there. I know this because people have told me. Whether or not they perceive this as a slight is probably up to them but on my part it is not intended as such.

    For what it's worth, I consider you a good friend. You are someone I can talk to about topics that are important to me. You are affirming and supportive of others. You are truthful, trustworthy and open with your struggles. I appreciate that you can articulate these issues so well because it helps me and I'm pretty sure it helps others as well.

    In the end, it isn't the number of likes you have but the quality of those likes if you know what I mean? And I think you do. =)





    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very insightful comment.

      Yes, I have wondered if adults really have 'best friends' and if they do how do they determine this relationship? What constitutes it from close to best friend?

      I also am not unlikable, but I am very distant from others. There is not a connection the way others make one, especially ladies.

      My son has a best friend, and they spend quite a bit of their time together doing thing apart. lol They go to the pool together, but then go separate ways once there, or hang out together while one watches TV the other plays on the computer. They enjoy being together, but separate. I don't think this would ever fly for girls friendships.

      Yes, I consider you a good friend, too. If I had to make a top 10 list of people I enjoy 'talking' to, or being with your name would be in there.

      Delete

If you'd like to follow all comments to this post, please click the 'subscribe by email' link under the comment box. I always reply to every post, and appreciate all feedback. If you have issues getting your comment to post you can email me your comment at inneraspie@yahoo.com. Blogger sometimes loses a comment when the user goes to post, so it is always advisable to highlight and copy your text before hitting the post button.