Growing Into Love

Like many nights, my husband came in the door tonight after 7 PM, despite leaving around 12 hours earlier.  This happens more nights than not 7 days a week. He owns his own business, and it requires backbreaking grueling labor all day, everyday.

Despite this, he comes home with a helpful attitude. always asking what he can do to help almost as soon as he comes in the door.

He comes home, understanding that my day is not always easy. His day doesn't end when he is away from work, because mine doesn't, either. We didn't arrive at this kind of give, and take relationship overnight, and I had to advocate for my needs (respectfully) plenty to get here. But, we didn't give up.  We stayed through when it was tough.  We sought marriage counseling when we needed direction.  We considered divorce many times in the last 16 years, but we stuck it through the trials, and tribulations, and let me clear- there were many life altering tribulations that we have encountered. I am glad we did.

Some ladies want diamonds,

My #Aspie Brain Was Set on Buying Milk. Not Socializing- failure to divide attention

Yesterday my daughter, and I were talking about how her boyfriend's dad was upset, because my husband didn't stop and chat with him at our local supermarket the other day.  He thought it was rude, but I know it was that my husband was in a hurry, and didn't think about it. I know this because it's very unusual for my husband to see someone he knows out in public, and not stop, and have a long chat.  Since he owns his own business, and meets lots of people this happens all the time.

Then my daughter says to me, "Mr. S. (her computer teacher) said that he's seen you at the store a few times, and he said hi to you, but you didn't respond. I told him you just don't really notice people."

I never heard, or saw him.

How To Make Your Two Cents Valuable- Kindness, #Autism, and Support

I've had it said to me that when offering my opinion I need to work on my delivery. I have worked on that area. I have worked really hard.  If I have something to say that is advice, criticism, or a correction of any kind I am proud to say that I try very hard to stop, and think before letting the words exit my mouth, or fingers as the case may be.  I ask myself if what I need to say is important, true (which for me it always is) helpful, kind, necessary, and maybe the biggest one... being asked for.  Is the person wanting my opinion? Are they in a situation where me offering my 2 cents is going to help their life be better?  Or is it that my life will be better, because I got to get my opinion out, and feel like I'm right.  Usually, I am truly trying to be helpful, though.  The problem is, no one likes to be corrected all the time.  Sometimes, it's helpful to have a mistake corrected, or get advice to guide us in a better direction when we didn't know that direction existed. I think that the way the advice is given is particularly important. Maybe, you know might have been in a situation that seems like it's similar to the one someone else is describing,  You know what worked for you, so you're ready to tell them.  Nothing wrong with that. The only issue is that we need to remember that not every situation is the same.  There may be factors that make other people's situations different than yours.  There may really be no clear right or wrong choice.

When we are talking about parenting, and autism there seldom is.

Deeply Emotional & #Autistic- how my brain processes emotions

The other day when I was in an IEP meeting the assisted communication specialist was describing a new communication book that we would be using for Beans.  She described how we would point at the pictures in it to talk to him, and not just use it for him to request from us. In other words, it wouldn't really be PECs, and it wouldn't just be a one way conversation. Most of the people at the table were confused at what this meant, why it was this way, or how to use it.  The communication specialist was trying to explain it the best she could in her technical language as it was taught to her. She was over complicating it, and missing the mark. That's when I stepped in.

I explained to them that many people on the autism spectrum never think in words, and don't interpret the world in language. Some of us can learn it, and some of us can't.  Sometimes we think in pictures, sensations, or in a way that I can only describe as intuition, because there is no word for that. When we speak to my severely ASD son with words he most likely has to translate this to pictures, or to whatever way his brain interprets things.  On a good day, some of the message might make it through, depending on how familiar he is with those words in that order. On a bad day, or day where he might be low on energy none of the message will make it through.  It will be a garbled mess.  So, when we point at the pictures to speak to him, there is a conversation going on. He is not just using his book to ask for cake, or to go swimming. He is able to 'hear' us. I might tell him that I am wearing green today, and point at the color green. Or maybe, I'd like to tell him that I think it's hot outside. So many choices, but the idea is to build on receptive language in a way that he might grasp it better.

That got me to thinking about the subject of how I interpret the world,

Be specific- How my autistic brain thrives on rules.

I used to spend hours arranging my barbies, and stuffed toys in rows.  I would take my line down again, and make a new rule for the order, and begin a new line.  The order might be by animal type, alphabetical, color, or even by most favorite to least.  I LOVED playing 'store' and would spend hours arranging all the 'merchandise' in my store.  I even made little price tags, and and sales receipts. I spent 10 times longer setting up my store, than actually playing with it.  I mostly liked playing with my brother, because he had to play my way.  I didn't have so much control over other children.  I wasn't very nice to my brother, and would often smack (I'm embarrassed to admit that!) him when he didn't obey my rules.

Now, I do this with adult things.