I really had to spend a moment thinking about what this meant, and how I could apply it to my life. I love praise and to know when I'm getting things right. Who doesn't? I also even more so, hate criticism or blame. I feel a burden of shame, guilt and unworthiness when faced with blame. So, to find logic in those two sets of what appears to be opposite states I would have to concede that I was a different person when one or the other occurs. Am I not the same exact being that I was when I was getting praised at one moment as I am the moment I am feeling blame? Well, yes, of course I am. My true self didn't change. I am still me. So, then what has changed? Maybe the circumstance? Maybe, my emotions? Maybe my perception? Maybe someone else's circumstance, emotions, or perceptions changed in that moment to create their opinion to shift. Either way, it's so important to remember that we are not our feelings. Feelings and judgements are temporary. We might notice the gratitude another gives when they praise us. We may take it in and appreciate the warmth. We may also notice blame when it arrives at our doorstep. It may not be as warm and welcoming as the praise, but it's got it's own place in life. We can invite it to stay and to go. I know that it's just temporary. It's like the storm raging down on the rock. It was there before the storm and it will be there after. It can push back, using up energy uselessly, or it can just sit and know that this too, shall pass. The praised me is just as valid as the blamed me. I strive to be the rock. Wise and grounded.
I feel uncomfortable with praise because I am not sure how to receive it. I need it though, as long as it is genuine. I seem to expect, and feel it necessary to receive criticism. I think it is because that is the only type of "praise" I ever got from family. Any praise is always linked with a criticism.
ReplyDeleteI am going to ponder on this. Your post just revealed a huge issue in my thought patterns that are very much learned behaviors. It is tying right into what I am processing at the moment. I love it when that happens!
Great post thanks!
Yay! I'm always happy to hear that others had more insight after reading something I wrote. Feels like I helped and I love to help others!
DeleteI don't always know how to accept praise, either. Not because I feel it's tied with criticism, but because I feel awkward, like I should say something back and I don't have anything prepared.
Wow, I never thought of things in that manner. And its interesting. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading! :)
DeleteThis is such a terrific contemplative thought. It transcends that idea that we are what we think or feel or what others think of feel about us. We are so much more than all of that. Love this!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm still on the verge of understanding that idea myself, so I'm glad I was able to convey my thoughts coherently on here. Sometimes, blogging is almost like thinking out loud, for me.
DeleteI'm not good with compliments. I shift them quickly away. It's the same feelings I get with too much eye contact or odd people touching me. ( hand shakes are weird) I feel I like to know I am appreciated cause I associate it with love. I also have a huge problem with criticism I feel it intensely as if I'm being physically hit. The sadness I get is over whelming. In fact I can feel criticism from someone who may not even mean it that way. I really often don't see another persons perspective as well as I often think I do. Or at least when I read this that is what comes to my mind. I think reading this was lovely cause it helps with Left over childhood stuff I guess. Never got praise cause I was never quite good enough. I've learned to try and praise my self but I'm not always good at that too. Any way as
ReplyDeleteusual you provoke great thought and inspire me to
learn more about my self and keep building. I will
visit this post again. I'm sure each time it will provoke new thought. Your very insiteful
Thank you for commenting. :) I really can't seem to praise myself, either. I am working on just not falling apart when I get criticized or when I don't get recognized when I feel I should. I know that seems narcissistic, but sometimes if I do complete a project or something I feel it to be inadequate if it's not validated by another source. I must learn to just be without looking for an outside source to define me.
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