Today, as I was cleaning out my email of various news alerts that I get on a few subjects I came across this article Was Freud Right About Depression and Guilt? It talks about using an FMRi machine to track brain activity in people as they imagine a scenario of being rude or bossy to another person. The findings were of significance in that the brains of people who are prone to or that have been depressed there was not the same amount of activity in both the the anterior temporal lobe ( part that measures socially appropriate behavior) the subgenual region of the brain ( area that measures feelings of guilt ) as there was in the other control group who were not prone to depression. This is suggestive that depression may rise from more than just normal sadness, and be in part caused by feelings of guilt and self-blame. People with depression may not be linking up their 'bad' behavior with the feelings of guilt appropriately , thus leaving them to assign blame to themselves for things that aren't their fault.
I would say that in my experience, this could very well be true. I would also surmise that it could be a case of chicken and the egg, as well. Did the depression occur first, tainting everything, or was it this underlying brain difference that ultimately lead to the depression? I am also wondering if this over-reaching guilt and self blame causes damage in the long run to thinking patterns becoming more permanent? Like, ruminating over the perceived bad behavior might cause the problem to grow and become rooted in the person's mind as an unshakable truth, rather than a theory. I would also think this would cause issues in the person's relationships. Being overly apologetic and ready to accept blame would be likely to attract a kind of partner and friends that would be willing to let you carry it. Manipulative sorts of people might be drawn in by your willingness to accept the blame for all that went wrong the relationship. This would almost reinforce your feelings of guilt, sadness, and possible low self worth.
I know in my life, that I have been the "I'm sorry" person. The one that said that as almost a knee jerk reaction to everything, whether it was my fault or not. This gives me something to think about in terms of how I view myself in situations where I think I may have behaved badly. The guilt that seems to be so often a part of the relationship equation may just be the way I tend to go with my thought process and something I can learn from. It may just be worth keeping in mind the next time I assign myself blame that I could be overdoing it.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
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It's an insight worth holding onto.The trouble I have is applying insights into real life.
ReplyDeleteIt seems impossible to know which is the cause and which is the effect, but they do seem to be intrinsically connected XXX
I have trouble with that, too. It always seems like I have things worked out perfectly in my head, but when I go to actually apply it to real life, things don't always go as well! For me, it's just a little something to tuck into the back of my mind the next time I get to feeling down, or fretful about a social situation that went awry. Maybe, I can get a second opinion or remember to be kind and compassionate with myself, because my version of events may be skewed. Also, I would not want to induce, or make worse any depressive symptoms by taking on too much guilt. No one benefits from that. Not me, not my family and not my friends.
DeleteThis is such a great topic and one that so many of us (I think) have struggled with as parents and particularly those with Autistic children. There is such a long history of parental blame, some of it well deserved and quite a bit that is not, but either way for those of us trying to do the "right" thing, which is a moving target, it can be really difficult NOT to blame ourselves when the things we've tried have not helped.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's the guilt, which can be instructive in that in can indicate actions that we shouldn't have done and so it is an appropriate feeling, but when it becomes the kind of "go to" feeling, it's no longer instructive, but just makes us feel badly about ourselves. Guilt and blame, there are feelings I have a long history of feeling, long before I had children. The only thing that I know to do these days is to "out" myself and then to remind myself that these are feelings, not facts. I try to remember that I have a history of this and that with a great deal of acceptance and self care I can slowly learn how to move away from those feelings and see when they are unhelpful and not appropriate to any given situation.
Such a great post!
Thank you! I have serious issues with this before kids, too, but after.. Oh my. I don't care much about what people think about me in general. I just lack the ability to care, but if someone would tell me they thought I was a bad mother, or failed at parenting it would devastate me. I worry, and fret constantly that I am not doing a good job. That's what my last post was about. The guilt that follows special needs parents is so great. I have also noticed a very, very high percentage of special needs parents reporting depression and needing anti-depressants. I think it's quite telling that in situations like with parenting an ASD child where parental guilt (especially for moms) is so high that the depression rate is also. You bring up a great point! Also, remembering that feelings aren't facts is a good thing to do, too. It's hard sometimes, but useful!
DeleteLoved it! Just found your blog! It's nice to know m not the only "over thinker"! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I think more people are than not. You're definitely, not alone!
DeleteWell I was feeing very crappy then I saw this post and gave it a read over twice. Thanks for posting this one. Much appreciated since I guess I often except blame a lot and yes I then also take on the guilt monster too. I have been feeling the sting of bad mommy for years. It's true it comes a lot when you got kids with Autism. You think well what am I doing wrong. I guess it was more freeing for me and my husband to see they were just like us. I was a different learner so I guess I have different learning kids. I still do the blame thing though and I do have to stop my self from depression a lot. I think it's just part of the meltdown process. The second paragraph spoke the most to me. I'm still tring to figure out the chicken before the egg thing. That is a great question cause cause different thinker, different mind, different feelings I guess. I'm not sure what others feel, I can't see that stuff so I often feel it has to be me. So yes I guess thinking patterns can become more permanent over time. Cause I'm still working on breaking the pattern. Unfortunately it does attract manipulative people. I think that type of person is drawn in because they know it will be easy to get there needs met in the relationship. As long as the person remains in this state of self blame and depression they don't have to be honest in the relationship and they may feel this benefits them. Sad really cause manipulateing people often hurt themselves, robbing themselves of a great relationship. Any way your right about a family not needing it cause that has been how I feel lately. I would rather have my family have a happy mother than a sad one. So I try harder to not be depressed or manipulated by other people. Thanks for the on line therapy I guess
ReplyDeleteI know it can be hard. Sometimes, we're just down and that's okay. If you haven't yet, you might want to read http://inneraspie.blogspot.com/2012/05/mindfulness-day-18-lies-my-ego-tells-me.html . There might be something in that post that might resonate with you a little bit, too.
DeleteThanks for your comments and for reading!