In my previous post I talked about some of my issues with getting organized. I have some tips, as wells as the rough diagram of my to-do list I've been using for awhile.
First, let's talk a little bit about why someone might have issues with being organized. Executive Functioning is a term that is defined by the ability to organize information and stimuli, while regulating one's own emotions, and thoughts, as well as prioritizing what needs attention. That's a very basic definition, anyway. Executive functioning is impaired/different in people with neurological disorders, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. In my family, all 5 of us have an issue with one of these two conditions. While the reasons why I struggle to be organized differs from my husband's the results often look the same. The only difference is that I can figure a way out of it, where I honestly don't think he'll ever have the skills, as well as he really doesn't care if things are messy, disorganized and off schedule. I care a great deal. My basic to do list is divided in 4 quarters:
DAILY TASKS :
In the upper hand corner here I have my daily tasks. These things generally need done everyday, like dishes, laundry, exercise ect... If you find you don't have to do the task that day, then cross it out. These are your basic tasks. These are in the Have To Do category.
NEED TO GET DONE:
On the right side I have things I Need done that aren't daily activities.Such as, important phone calls, errands, appointments. Also, other things that are weekly like washing sheets.
PROJECTS:
On the lower left hand side is where I put tasks and projects that are more long term, so that I still have them in my mind and can plan on moving them to my Need list. I also put stuff that I want to get done, but may not have a chance. I try to resist the urge to clutter up the Need area with things that aren't urgent. Prioritizing is key. If I can just get my daily tasks and Need tasks done, then I feel I've accomplished enough.
NOTES:
On the lower right hand side is where I put daily reminders, and messages. I even keep phone messages here. This reduces clutter by using one sheet of paper for everything. At the end of the day, I put any important info or phone messages in my notebook, or wherever it may need to go. The list goes in the trash.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Resurfacing Of Old Habits
Ive done a lot of writing here in this new blog about changing my negative habits into more positive actions. Things like that are hard to start, hard to keep going and even more difficult to keep at it long term. I'm finding myself slip sliding back into some of the old habits that I had let go of.
Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time on internet forums, and most particularly in in 2 groups that I started on a social networking site that were very active. It is no surprise that I ran into lots of people that had very different opinions than the ones I had, even the group that was for autistic people only. We didn't always hold the same viewpoints on issues. The thing was, is that I would get upset and worked up when someone said something that I found to be inconsistent with how I perceived the world. To me, it felt like they were invalidating me, as a person by telling me that what I know and how I feel was wrong. After embarking on my journey of Mindfulness and meditation this feeling faded to almost nothing. I gained self awareness and in turn awareness of how others can see the same thing as I do and come away with a different interpretation of it. I saw shades of gray where there weren't any before. I also saw how much time I spent thinking about and being involved in negative patterns. I realized that this only contributed to me depression and if I were to ever feel positive, I had to stop looking for what was wrong and search for what was right. My husband called this 'looking for what or who is slighting Quiet C.' thinking. Now, don't get me wrong, growing up in a world that is not made for someone on the spectrum had it's challenges. I plan on doing a blog entry about that, to help parents understand why their kids fight so much with their siblings and pull the 'not fair!' card so often. In short, the world isn't fair to us, and everyday it IS a struggle to be in it, as the odds are often stacked against us. But, I carried this attitude with me like 100 pound bags of heavy emotional baggage. It was always there weighing me down. It was negative and attracting negative things and people. I felt emotionally worked up all the time. I engaged in endless debates with others, instead of using my time to promote something that would make my life better, or even someone else's. I wanted to correct ignorance. I knew that if I showed them enough evidence that other's would have to see it my way. It was just a waste of time. Hours spent typing, all while growing more irritable about the injustices of the world. I didn't realize that the more I focused on that the worse I'd feel. I took other people's opinions way too seriously, and I'm starting to see myself do that again.
I have spent much of the last 4 days in a hot debate with others about a subject that we're never going to agree on, and that is not positive. I have sacrificed my very precious little time that I have outside of caring for my kids arguing. Housework has gone undone, and exercise has been cut in half. This is not the person I want to be, or filling the goals that I have for myself. I want to be someone who stands up for what I think in a positive way, not finding drama in everyone else's opinion and making it be about me personally. I want to raise positive aspects of autism, with things like using this blog and some other presentations I've put together and helped with.
There's a lot wrong in this world and if you look for the bad things in it, you'll never be short on things to complain about, or get upset over. I'm passionate and want to make a difference in the lives of others, and I know I can't do that if I spend everyday fuming over injustices. I have to be the change I want to see in the world, so with that... I am back on track, hopefully. I choose to use my energy to promote positive endeavors and ideas, instead of fighting against negative ones.
Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time on internet forums, and most particularly in in 2 groups that I started on a social networking site that were very active. It is no surprise that I ran into lots of people that had very different opinions than the ones I had, even the group that was for autistic people only. We didn't always hold the same viewpoints on issues. The thing was, is that I would get upset and worked up when someone said something that I found to be inconsistent with how I perceived the world. To me, it felt like they were invalidating me, as a person by telling me that what I know and how I feel was wrong. After embarking on my journey of Mindfulness and meditation this feeling faded to almost nothing. I gained self awareness and in turn awareness of how others can see the same thing as I do and come away with a different interpretation of it. I saw shades of gray where there weren't any before. I also saw how much time I spent thinking about and being involved in negative patterns. I realized that this only contributed to me depression and if I were to ever feel positive, I had to stop looking for what was wrong and search for what was right. My husband called this 'looking for what or who is slighting Quiet C.' thinking. Now, don't get me wrong, growing up in a world that is not made for someone on the spectrum had it's challenges. I plan on doing a blog entry about that, to help parents understand why their kids fight so much with their siblings and pull the 'not fair!' card so often. In short, the world isn't fair to us, and everyday it IS a struggle to be in it, as the odds are often stacked against us. But, I carried this attitude with me like 100 pound bags of heavy emotional baggage. It was always there weighing me down. It was negative and attracting negative things and people. I felt emotionally worked up all the time. I engaged in endless debates with others, instead of using my time to promote something that would make my life better, or even someone else's. I wanted to correct ignorance. I knew that if I showed them enough evidence that other's would have to see it my way. It was just a waste of time. Hours spent typing, all while growing more irritable about the injustices of the world. I didn't realize that the more I focused on that the worse I'd feel. I took other people's opinions way too seriously, and I'm starting to see myself do that again.
I have spent much of the last 4 days in a hot debate with others about a subject that we're never going to agree on, and that is not positive. I have sacrificed my very precious little time that I have outside of caring for my kids arguing. Housework has gone undone, and exercise has been cut in half. This is not the person I want to be, or filling the goals that I have for myself. I want to be someone who stands up for what I think in a positive way, not finding drama in everyone else's opinion and making it be about me personally. I want to raise positive aspects of autism, with things like using this blog and some other presentations I've put together and helped with.
There's a lot wrong in this world and if you look for the bad things in it, you'll never be short on things to complain about, or get upset over. I'm passionate and want to make a difference in the lives of others, and I know I can't do that if I spend everyday fuming over injustices. I have to be the change I want to see in the world, so with that... I am back on track, hopefully. I choose to use my energy to promote positive endeavors and ideas, instead of fighting against negative ones.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Use Your Words
There's this phenomenon that happens to me sometimes when I'm talking to someone. It's a source of great frustration. It occurs at different times. There's more than one type, but the end result it always non-communication.
For example, I might have something that happened to me that I'm excited to talk about,or something I read. (Yes, I get super excited to share things I read about with others. :) ) I wait all day for my husband to come home so I can tell him. He comes in and starts talking about his day. He goes on and on... totally not following my script of what I envisioned. I begin to try to reroute the words to fit the new criteria. I can't. The words get stuck. They won't come out. They swim around inside my head in circles not making sense. I feel so frustrated that I want to cry, and sometimes I do. I have to wait until later to tell him what I wanted to, because at that moment I am way too overwhelmed.
Another scenario is when I am in a group of people having a conversation. My brain can't seem to process their words fast enough to keep up with the conversation. I have words that I'd like to add to the conversation. I have opinions that I can vaguely make out inside my head with fuzzy pictures and fluttering words. I just can't get them out fast enough. This also happens when I get overwhelmed by sensory or emotion. I feel like a computer running on too little RAM. I can type, but feel overwhelmed with the prospect of verbalizing what I want to say. Sometimes, I will repeat the same thing over and over. Others, I will give a quick short answer that may not be my true thoughts, but rather what I think will get you to leave me alone, because my real explanation would take too many words and right at that moment, each word verbalized is painful.
The frustration that this causes immense. I have to wonder if this is how my nonverbal son feels all the time? Does he have these elaborate thoughts, or even simple wants and needs that he desperately wants to share with others, but can't? When I get this way I find it so isolating. I feel like I can't connect with others, because there is this wall of miscommunication between us. Does he feel this way all the time? Does he feel this way sometimes? Does he feel lonely? I know that I do at times when I can't share my thoughts.
So, when you ask an autistic child to 'use their words' as is so common, please, please remember that they're probably trying their best. They're already frustrated about it and aren't not using their words just to be lazy or get out of putting in effort.
For example, I might have something that happened to me that I'm excited to talk about,or something I read. (Yes, I get super excited to share things I read about with others. :) ) I wait all day for my husband to come home so I can tell him. He comes in and starts talking about his day. He goes on and on... totally not following my script of what I envisioned. I begin to try to reroute the words to fit the new criteria. I can't. The words get stuck. They won't come out. They swim around inside my head in circles not making sense. I feel so frustrated that I want to cry, and sometimes I do. I have to wait until later to tell him what I wanted to, because at that moment I am way too overwhelmed.
Another scenario is when I am in a group of people having a conversation. My brain can't seem to process their words fast enough to keep up with the conversation. I have words that I'd like to add to the conversation. I have opinions that I can vaguely make out inside my head with fuzzy pictures and fluttering words. I just can't get them out fast enough. This also happens when I get overwhelmed by sensory or emotion. I feel like a computer running on too little RAM. I can type, but feel overwhelmed with the prospect of verbalizing what I want to say. Sometimes, I will repeat the same thing over and over. Others, I will give a quick short answer that may not be my true thoughts, but rather what I think will get you to leave me alone, because my real explanation would take too many words and right at that moment, each word verbalized is painful.
The frustration that this causes immense. I have to wonder if this is how my nonverbal son feels all the time? Does he have these elaborate thoughts, or even simple wants and needs that he desperately wants to share with others, but can't? When I get this way I find it so isolating. I feel like I can't connect with others, because there is this wall of miscommunication between us. Does he feel this way all the time? Does he feel this way sometimes? Does he feel lonely? I know that I do at times when I can't share my thoughts.
So, when you ask an autistic child to 'use their words' as is so common, please, please remember that they're probably trying their best. They're already frustrated about it and aren't not using their words just to be lazy or get out of putting in effort.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Finding Option B
For as long as I could remember I have always felt that I had to hide my social inadequacies away. The burning shame I felt when (and still do to be honest) when I stop and think about my social blunders and shortcoming is overwhelming. I felt that I could not ever let anyone know that I don't know what I'm doing. That I'm just following a script and hanging on for dear life to get through a conversation. I think to some extent everyone who has anxiety, or is shy feels this way. I felt deep down inside that this social awkwardness meant that I was less than other people. That I was defective.
By the time I got to be about 11 years old I noticed the social differences that I had. I began trying to fix them as best I could. Sometimes, other girls might take me in and give me some pointers on how to be more cool. I began to obsess. My special interest during the years of 11-15 were all about trying to not be a freak. I made sure my appearance fit the bill. That was almost easy. The small talk with peers and all that goes with it... not so easy. I was never the type to talk too much, or be inappropriate. Unlike some aspies, I just don;t talk at all in groups. I rarely can keep up with the small talk that's swirling around me. The topic changes and moves in a rhythm that I can't keep up with.I literally have nothing to say. By the time I was 15 the toll had been taken and anxiety and depression set in. I could no longer keep up in a world that was not made for me. The mask slipped and I was there exposed as an alien to this world. It was around this time that I began to collect Chinese dolls with their faces painted, as well as the masks. I think it was a symbolic gesture of how I really felt.
The social issues didn't get any better as I grew older. As an adult, I have had very few friends (not counting internet friends), and almost none that were what I'd call a good friend. It seems to be much harder as an adult to socialize. I have really no friends right now, and have not had any for probably 6 yrs. The difference now is in how I view my social isolation.
When I was younger I thought that I wanted to be a part of the crowd. I thought that I must like what everyone else does, and that I just didn't know it. I thought that if I just tried harder I would be like them. I thought there was no option B. There was only be like them-option A. When I couldn't self pity and anger set in deeper and deeper with every passing year. I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my differences. I felt angry at the extroverted ladies that seemed to be better than me in everything- of course this was not reality, but it was my thoughts at the time. I felt that I'd never be anyone's favorite. If they were given a choice of who to be with, I'd never be at the top of anyone's list. I was destined to be the 'back up friend'. The back up friend is the person you call to hang out with last minute, because all of your other friends already had plans and you can't go out alone. They are always your last choice, but you keep them around for convenience. Most typical people have back up friends to some extent or other, especially younger people.
Then I came upon option B. If I couldn't change the situation, then I had to change the way I looked at it. I began really listening to other ladies talk to each other when I was out in public. I noticed what they did and how they acted. I realized that I'd be bored to death and not at all on the same wave-length as most of them. Their conversations were not anything I'd like to talk about. Their outings were not to places I like to frequent. I could tell they shared to share and not really to get real feedback. I could never do that. I talk to share information, and never ever to connect with someone in some sort of empathetic bond of emotions. I realized that the thing that I'd been chasing after all my life was something that I didn't want anyway. It was not what I thought it would be, nor was it all there was. I realized that there was an option B, which was I could be happy and content doing my own thing by myself. I have a husband who I actually do think I'm his Favorite! I have a family to love and take care of and that's all I really need. I am happier sitting alone in the park on my laptop or with a book than with a friend and that is okay. I am okay as I am without needing everyone else to validate my existence, or my experience.
The social issues didn't get any better as I grew older. As an adult, I have had very few friends (not counting internet friends), and almost none that were what I'd call a good friend. It seems to be much harder as an adult to socialize. I have really no friends right now, and have not had any for probably 6 yrs. The difference now is in how I view my social isolation.
When I was younger I thought that I wanted to be a part of the crowd. I thought that I must like what everyone else does, and that I just didn't know it. I thought that if I just tried harder I would be like them. I thought there was no option B. There was only be like them-option A. When I couldn't self pity and anger set in deeper and deeper with every passing year. I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my differences. I felt angry at the extroverted ladies that seemed to be better than me in everything- of course this was not reality, but it was my thoughts at the time. I felt that I'd never be anyone's favorite. If they were given a choice of who to be with, I'd never be at the top of anyone's list. I was destined to be the 'back up friend'. The back up friend is the person you call to hang out with last minute, because all of your other friends already had plans and you can't go out alone. They are always your last choice, but you keep them around for convenience. Most typical people have back up friends to some extent or other, especially younger people.
Then I came upon option B. If I couldn't change the situation, then I had to change the way I looked at it. I began really listening to other ladies talk to each other when I was out in public. I noticed what they did and how they acted. I realized that I'd be bored to death and not at all on the same wave-length as most of them. Their conversations were not anything I'd like to talk about. Their outings were not to places I like to frequent. I could tell they shared to share and not really to get real feedback. I could never do that. I talk to share information, and never ever to connect with someone in some sort of empathetic bond of emotions. I realized that the thing that I'd been chasing after all my life was something that I didn't want anyway. It was not what I thought it would be, nor was it all there was. I realized that there was an option B, which was I could be happy and content doing my own thing by myself. I have a husband who I actually do think I'm his Favorite! I have a family to love and take care of and that's all I really need. I am happier sitting alone in the park on my laptop or with a book than with a friend and that is okay. I am okay as I am without needing everyone else to validate my existence, or my experience.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Dreams
I awoke this morning with a dream stuck in my head that I knew meant something important. No, I don't mean in a psychic prediction sort of way. I don't believe in that sort of stuff. I mean in a subconscious, psychological, symbolic sort of way.
Dreams have long been of fascination to me. I believe they contain a lot of stuff that we have going on behind the scenes. Our thoughts and emotions are woven intricately into stories of faraway places, as well as the mundane. They represent the ideas, hopes dreams, as well as our deepest fears, and forgotten memories. I have studied dream symbols and dictionaries, and kept dream journals for many years. Not to brag, but I am quite good at deciphering the meaning of mine and other people's dreams and helping others to find direction with what their subconscious is telling them.
In last night's dream I was at a place where they teach people to canoe. All the participants were couples, so I was waiting my turn for instruction with my husband. What was odd about this place was that typically one goes out to a lake for to canoe, but this was at an ocean. I felt confused and and intimidated by going the task ahead of me. I started searching for new clothes to wear and was trying on different outfits. (This is a common theme in my dream) The instructor told me that it wouldn't matter what I wore, because being in the canoe was all I had to worry about. So, then I protested that I can't do it, because I can't swim. She told me that no one ever falls out of the canoe. The most important thing about learning to canoe is doing it. She said she guaranteed 100% that I would not drown. I awoke when my husband and I got in and began paddling away into the rushing waves.
According to dream dictionaries a canoe means that one is headed for peace and serenity, as well as emotional balance. It's a sign of independence and emotional balance. It's also about being able to go on with determination. I feel like this is symbolic of the place that I have come to emotionally through trials and hard work with my husband. My journey through a harrowing depression has been hard, but I do feel that I have found a place of peace to rest in with my new found use of mindfulness and meditation.
The changing of the clothes is also a telling reoccurring symbol for me. Clothing represents our public self in dreams. It is who we try to be for the rest of the world. They are our image. In my old dreams about clothes, I am usually changing into clothes for an important event where there will be lots of people, but none will work. They are always too small, mismatched, under dressy, or over dressy. One shoe is lost, or doesn't fit. In this dream, my clothes fit, but I was not sure which to wear. This suggests that my image or role is changing, and I'm, trying to adapt to keep up. The answer the teacher (my wise mind) gave me was spot on. It doesn't matter how you show up to meet the challenge, just as long as you show up. All of my anxiety over how I look and weather I measure up to others doesn't matter.I can feel inadequate, but I don't have to give in and sabotage my efforts with my feelings. I think the lesson is finally sinking in.
The ocean in my dream has much the same meaning as the canoe. It's a symbol of refreshment and unhindered courage. I am feeling empowered and positive. The waters were a bit rough in my dream, but I felt prepared.
All in all, I feel this was a positive dream about equilibrium that I have recently found this last year. I feel that it is a positive sign that the practice of mindfulness and compassion has begun to change my perspective for the better. My anxiety is no long in the driver's seat and with that I have new purpose.
Dreams have long been of fascination to me. I believe they contain a lot of stuff that we have going on behind the scenes. Our thoughts and emotions are woven intricately into stories of faraway places, as well as the mundane. They represent the ideas, hopes dreams, as well as our deepest fears, and forgotten memories. I have studied dream symbols and dictionaries, and kept dream journals for many years. Not to brag, but I am quite good at deciphering the meaning of mine and other people's dreams and helping others to find direction with what their subconscious is telling them.
In last night's dream I was at a place where they teach people to canoe. All the participants were couples, so I was waiting my turn for instruction with my husband. What was odd about this place was that typically one goes out to a lake for to canoe, but this was at an ocean. I felt confused and and intimidated by going the task ahead of me. I started searching for new clothes to wear and was trying on different outfits. (This is a common theme in my dream) The instructor told me that it wouldn't matter what I wore, because being in the canoe was all I had to worry about. So, then I protested that I can't do it, because I can't swim. She told me that no one ever falls out of the canoe. The most important thing about learning to canoe is doing it. She said she guaranteed 100% that I would not drown. I awoke when my husband and I got in and began paddling away into the rushing waves.
According to dream dictionaries a canoe means that one is headed for peace and serenity, as well as emotional balance. It's a sign of independence and emotional balance. It's also about being able to go on with determination. I feel like this is symbolic of the place that I have come to emotionally through trials and hard work with my husband. My journey through a harrowing depression has been hard, but I do feel that I have found a place of peace to rest in with my new found use of mindfulness and meditation.
The changing of the clothes is also a telling reoccurring symbol for me. Clothing represents our public self in dreams. It is who we try to be for the rest of the world. They are our image. In my old dreams about clothes, I am usually changing into clothes for an important event where there will be lots of people, but none will work. They are always too small, mismatched, under dressy, or over dressy. One shoe is lost, or doesn't fit. In this dream, my clothes fit, but I was not sure which to wear. This suggests that my image or role is changing, and I'm, trying to adapt to keep up. The answer the teacher (my wise mind) gave me was spot on. It doesn't matter how you show up to meet the challenge, just as long as you show up. All of my anxiety over how I look and weather I measure up to others doesn't matter.I can feel inadequate, but I don't have to give in and sabotage my efforts with my feelings. I think the lesson is finally sinking in.
The ocean in my dream has much the same meaning as the canoe. It's a symbol of refreshment and unhindered courage. I am feeling empowered and positive. The waters were a bit rough in my dream, but I felt prepared.
All in all, I feel this was a positive dream about equilibrium that I have recently found this last year. I feel that it is a positive sign that the practice of mindfulness and compassion has begun to change my perspective for the better. My anxiety is no long in the driver's seat and with that I have new purpose.
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