Here in the last few years especially I have been trying to get rid of old, outdated thinking patterns and usher in some new ones. I've not got it figured out, by far, but one thing I am absolutely certain of, changing our most automatic behaviors is hard. It is really difficult to do. If it weren't, let's be honest we'd all do what we know in our most rational moments to be the best all the time. We'd never have an emotional reaction that snuck up on us and took our logic away, causing us to say and do things we regret later.
I have not been anywhere near entirely successful in dealing with some of my most ingrained automatic negative thoughts and behaviors. I'm sure that my husband would testify to that. I, however, have been able to start the process. I have made some tweaks, and had a few successes, even if they were minute, or short lived.
I have a lot of issues with negative beliefs about myself, and subsequently my behavior is negative. Some of these things were borne out of a childhood where I was not supported, loved or cherished consistently. Some of them are probably just my personal way of dealing with things, while quite a lot of it I suspect is from my neurology. There seems to be quite a lot of people with AS that struggle with self-soothing. I tend to be the most rational, grown up, logical level headed person you ever meet 98% of the time. I am so predictable and methodical I make everyone crazy with it. However, there's that 1% of the time where I've had too much routine change, or sensory input, or some other issue with executive functioning and I go into sobbing meltdown. This is not logical. It is the opposite. It's emotional overload.
Then, you have the other 1% of the time where I have jumped off of the deep end into the negative assumption pool. This is where my terrible self esteem causes real problems other than making me feel bad. This is when I cannot help but assume that others are out to get me, because they think just as badly of me, as I do myself. This 1% of the time I feel everything in my environment is a reflection of me. It's a sort of sad, negative, bleak self centered way of being. Like it or not, it's probably mild depression. Depression has a way of turning everything into something personal. Everything around us when we are feeling depressed is somehow about us, or going to negatively affect us. Fights with spouses, and friends are easy to come by when you have depression glasses on. After all, everything they do is a result of how they feel about you, when you feel this way. They might be late, because they don't see you as important, or that friend didn't wave at you, because they don't like you anymore, or your boss didn't tell you you did a good job with whatever task, because they think you're a failure. The possibilities to link yourself to your environment are endless when in this frame of mind.
For me, I can get to where I need a release. I need to get it out, and be reassured that I am okay and things will be okay. I turn into a child that needs consoling. My husband made a good point last night when I mentioned this to him. He said it was because a child only sees the immediate problem, whether that is not getting their way, or getting punished, or feeling lonely. In their mind they have no capacity to see that the situation is temporary, or to have the power or ability to problem solve. They can't see a future, they only see now and if the present is awful they feel it always will be. I think due to my AS and my parents not giving my the reassurance and care I needed I never really developed a very good coping strategy to dealing with the situations where I feel knocked down and emotionally overwhelmed. I lash out and look for ways on the outside to alleviate it. I look for short term solutions. I problem solve with my feelings the way an 8 year old would. Thankfully, I don't get knocked into this space easily. I do however, need to find better ways of dealing with my emotions and my extreme self loathing when I do get into this space. After, researching and doing quite a bit of thinking I have come up with a little cognitive behavior exercise that I am hoping will help. I've tried it a couple of times and it seems to be helping so far. I will share it, in case it may be of help to anyone else.
So, here goes... the CBT-type exercise I came up with for myself. Of course, I am not a doctor, and have not professional training in CBT. I am just offering up my experience.
Thought: This is where you list the thoughts/feelings that is causing you discomfort. Example: I can't go to the party, because I am fat, or I can't do the project. I know I will fail and people will laugh. This should be only a few short sentences, if that.
Consequences Of Thought/feelings: This is where you would list how this thought makes you feel and what consequences of it will be. For example: we may avoid people and miss opportunities due to irrational beliefs, or the thought may cause so much stress that we will feel depressed and waste a day moping.
Past Occurrences That Are Similar: Here you would want to think of a time in your past (childhood if applicable) where this thought or feeling occurred. Then, list a recent time where this thought, or feeling occurred. This helps you to see why the behavior might be there. It probably served a purpose way back when, but if you look at a recent occurrence of the same behaviors you might see how it's no longer working. This is important for me, because it helps me to see the logic behind my emotions, as well as pulls me back in. I can look at the recent occurrence and see how I handled it then, and realize I'll get the same result if I keep on with the same thoughts and behaviors.
What evidence do I have that my thoughts or feelings are true? That one is pretty self explanatory.
Is it Helpful to carry this pattern of thinking into the present? Here again, pretty straighforward question that you can probably figure out from the last 2 questions quite easily.
Why or Why not? If no, then come up with an alternative belief, or action to do instead of the old pattern of behavior.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Info Sheet for New Teacher- Autism Back to School Tips
This is the sheet I give Bubby's main teacher(s) at the beginning of the year. I update info as needed.
Hello. At the beginning of the year I like to put together a little bit of info to help introduce Bubby to anyone new that will be working with him. I hope you find it helpful, and as always, if you have any questions please contact me via e-mail (preferred) @ XXXXXX@yahoo.com or phone XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Bubby is a very affectionate caring guy. He likes to stop and chat with the adults, as well as collect hugs from all the ladies. :) He cares very much what adults think of him, so be weary of using too harsh of a tone when speaking with or correcting him. He will take it far more personally and carry it around with him far longer than an average 10 year old little boy. He enjoys verbal praise and feeling like he's a part of things. His favorite things are watching funny videos, playing Minecraft, riding his scooter, swimming, playing his DS/video games, and anything to do with animals. He LOVES animals. When he's getting too worked up or upset about something asking him to talk about our cat or talking about your animals is a good way to calm him down and distract him.
Bubby's sensory needs are a little different than an average person. He gets overwhelmed in loud chaotic situations where there is a lot of noise and movement. He will usually show this by looking and acting irritable. He will also look like he's not following directions during these times, but his behavior is not purposeful. He can't think straight and listen when he's in a sensory overload, and if he's it gets bad enough anxiety will set in to where it gets to where his brain goes into fight or flight mode. This is either where he will meltdown, or shutdown.
Ways to identify a meltdown:
He will begin repeating a lot of the same things, and may not make much sense. It will look like he's having a tantrum, but will not be able to calm down. He will begin to cry and yell. He will begin to start looking 'floppy' where he starts flapping is arms and hands around making a noise like he's about to hyperventilate. He'll want apologies from everyone around him, even if they didn't do anything. (it is inappropriate to apologize if it's unwarranted) He needs to get to a quiet space to calm down away from others. He will deny this, but I always give him the choice of calming down, stop crying, or taking a break. He likes deep pressure, swinging and similar things to calm him down. If possible when he needs a break take him to the OT room. If he can't immediately calm himself he has to take a break. He needs to learn that it's not appropriate to have meltdowns in front of his peers. He should not be punished, or be made to feel ashamed of his anxiety and subsequent meltdown, either. Last year, they said it made Bubby’s behavior far worse to remove him from the classroom during meltdowns. You will have to get to know him and how he operates within the classroom this year to know what to do that will work for him and everyone involved.
Ways to identify a shutdown:
He will look blank, like he's not paying attention, and he may hum and self stimulate by pacing. Follow the same protocol as with a meltdown.
Sometimes, Bubby has a hard time finding his words. Please, be patient with him and allow him to finish his sentences. It's very much like a stutter. The more anxious he gets the worse it gets for him to get the words out correctly. Please, don't finish sentences for him.
Bubby likes routine and structure. If the routine will be different it's best to let him know ASAP. There are a lot of ways to do this. Verbally, or perhaps he can have his own written schedule on his desk. Please, notify him and have an adult present with him before emergency drills if it becomes a problem. Last year, he seemed to be okay without the warning, but needed it in all the years before that. I will make up a little fact sheet with his picture on it for substitutes to look at, so they are aware of his special needs and there isn't any miscommunication.
Thanks for being part of Bubby's education team! If you would like more information about autism let me know and I will find some materials for you. I hope everyone has a great year!
This is the info sheet I give for the teacher to put in the Substitute folders in each room as well as for any other teacher, or para that may be working with him. It is short and to the point. I also have a picture at the top to identify him, because obviously a sub will not know who he is by his name.

Hi, my name is Bubby. I have mild autism.
Please, be aware that:
*I may get over stimulated if there is too much noise and stuff going on around me.
*I may not make eye contact or look like I am listening. If you are unsure if I am hearing you, please ask me
*I may need some extra assistance with directions and other things.
*I may ask you a lot of questions, because I like getting to know people.
*I may need a little bit of extra help changing routine or handling new situations.
Hello. At the beginning of the year I like to put together a little bit of info to help introduce Bubby to anyone new that will be working with him. I hope you find it helpful, and as always, if you have any questions please contact me via e-mail (preferred) @ XXXXXX@yahoo.com or phone XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Bubby is a very affectionate caring guy. He likes to stop and chat with the adults, as well as collect hugs from all the ladies. :) He cares very much what adults think of him, so be weary of using too harsh of a tone when speaking with or correcting him. He will take it far more personally and carry it around with him far longer than an average 10 year old little boy. He enjoys verbal praise and feeling like he's a part of things. His favorite things are watching funny videos, playing Minecraft, riding his scooter, swimming, playing his DS/video games, and anything to do with animals. He LOVES animals. When he's getting too worked up or upset about something asking him to talk about our cat or talking about your animals is a good way to calm him down and distract him.
Bubby's sensory needs are a little different than an average person. He gets overwhelmed in loud chaotic situations where there is a lot of noise and movement. He will usually show this by looking and acting irritable. He will also look like he's not following directions during these times, but his behavior is not purposeful. He can't think straight and listen when he's in a sensory overload, and if he's it gets bad enough anxiety will set in to where it gets to where his brain goes into fight or flight mode. This is either where he will meltdown, or shutdown.
Ways to identify a meltdown:
He will begin repeating a lot of the same things, and may not make much sense. It will look like he's having a tantrum, but will not be able to calm down. He will begin to cry and yell. He will begin to start looking 'floppy' where he starts flapping is arms and hands around making a noise like he's about to hyperventilate. He'll want apologies from everyone around him, even if they didn't do anything. (it is inappropriate to apologize if it's unwarranted) He needs to get to a quiet space to calm down away from others. He will deny this, but I always give him the choice of calming down, stop crying, or taking a break. He likes deep pressure, swinging and similar things to calm him down. If possible when he needs a break take him to the OT room. If he can't immediately calm himself he has to take a break. He needs to learn that it's not appropriate to have meltdowns in front of his peers. He should not be punished, or be made to feel ashamed of his anxiety and subsequent meltdown, either. Last year, they said it made Bubby’s behavior far worse to remove him from the classroom during meltdowns. You will have to get to know him and how he operates within the classroom this year to know what to do that will work for him and everyone involved.
Ways to identify a shutdown:
He will look blank, like he's not paying attention, and he may hum and self stimulate by pacing. Follow the same protocol as with a meltdown.
Sometimes, Bubby has a hard time finding his words. Please, be patient with him and allow him to finish his sentences. It's very much like a stutter. The more anxious he gets the worse it gets for him to get the words out correctly. Please, don't finish sentences for him.
Bubby likes routine and structure. If the routine will be different it's best to let him know ASAP. There are a lot of ways to do this. Verbally, or perhaps he can have his own written schedule on his desk. Please, notify him and have an adult present with him before emergency drills if it becomes a problem. Last year, he seemed to be okay without the warning, but needed it in all the years before that. I will make up a little fact sheet with his picture on it for substitutes to look at, so they are aware of his special needs and there isn't any miscommunication.
Thanks for being part of Bubby's education team! If you would like more information about autism let me know and I will find some materials for you. I hope everyone has a great year!
This is the info sheet I give for the teacher to put in the Substitute folders in each room as well as for any other teacher, or para that may be working with him. It is short and to the point. I also have a picture at the top to identify him, because obviously a sub will not know who he is by his name.

Hi, my name is Bubby. I have mild autism.
Please, be aware that:
*I may get over stimulated if there is too much noise and stuff going on around me.
*I may not make eye contact or look like I am listening. If you are unsure if I am hearing you, please ask me
*I may need some extra assistance with directions and other things.
*I may ask you a lot of questions, because I like getting to know people.
*I may need a little bit of extra help changing routine or handling new situations.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Feeling Overwhelmed By Negativity
I'm not sure where this post is going, or how to begin in the first place. It's partly formed inside of my head, but mostly it's just a big ball of emotion that I am untangling as I move along. I think blogging might help me to untangle it more, thus freeing me up to be able to feel unhindered, because right now I do feel hindered, and weighed down a little bit.
There is this thing that seems to drive a lot of human behavior. I don't know what it is called, or even if it has a name. It seems to be a sort of cohesion within groups that moves people together united in a common goal. I don't understand it. I don't like to be involved in it. I feel completely overwhelmed when people around me are engaging in it. This is not just as autistic thing, because I have seen autistics engage in this form of socializing as well.
I can try to describe what I mean with examples.
Usually, this phenomenon begins with an accusation of outrage. Someone has done or said something that is upsetting to someone else. They then claim outrage. They take this outrage to friends, who also claim outrage and now the drama is on. They are united in a common cause against this insult, this injustice, this miscarriage of humanity. They want the perpetrator of the insult to recant, to retract, to absolve their words and the harm they have inflicted with their words, or actions. They form a mob that will not let up until their attention gets turned somewhere else.
There is also the lesser form of the same behavior. Where there is something said (I'm going to use autism here, because that is the community that I am involved in, but I think this sort of thing isn't limited to the ASD community) in a book, or a news article about autism and the community goes wild with accusations of 'stereotyping' and 'prejudice' because what was said does not fit the definition for their own autism, or their child's. No matter, that the spectrum is broad and that it may fit others, usually quite a lot more severe than themselves. It's as if no one is allowed to have an opinion, or use descriptive terms about ASD unless it is all inclusive of the whole spectrum, even those with Asperger's. I find that to be an impossibility most of the time. The spectrum is wide and varied. I also know that those same people will likely have all kinds of negative things to say about the way I used 'severe' to describe autism, because anymore there seems to be no way to describe anything within the autism community without being judged as this or that, or as being pushing stereotypes. I was on board the autistic's rights movement, until it derailed into this mess of no one being allowed to even speak for fear of being a target of voracious arguments.
When I am in the midst of this much negativity and complaints I soak it up like a sponge. No matter how much I try not to, I still do. I feel heavy, and emotional. I get so weighed down in the negativity that I can't function all that well. I don't like this feeling. I'd rather be building up what I think is right, rather than finding what I feel is wrong and making it my mission to out this wrong. For someone who has a history of depression my brain can only handle so much, before I start to feel down and out by it all.
Like, last winter my husband was not as busy with work as he usually is. The brought with it financial woes, but also time on his hands. He chose to watch the news with quite a bit of this extra time. So, here is someone who is already sensitive to negativity due to life circumstances watching 24 hour news networks where there is always something bad happening. He started to become even more depressed and outraged the more bad stuff he saw. Everyday, there is no shortage of injustices for the media to report, and they make it a point to keep us upset and fearful, so that the drama and suspense keeps us coming back for more. I finally had to tell him to shut it off and find something else to do with his time. He was getting too wrapped up in the drama and it was not doing him, our family or the world any good to dwell on all that negativity.
I am starting to feel that way with my autism newsfeeds. I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with all the negativity from all the bad things that can, do, or might happen. The drama that is always present, because there is always someone in the media somewhere that said something that was un-pc about autism. It's not that I think it's okay for people to say bad things about autism, but I can;t let myself get worked up every time someone disagrees with the way I see the world. There's simply too much good to be doing for me to do that. You know the saying "Some people look for fault like there is a prize for finding it"? That is how I am feeling about a lot of the things I'm seeing in the ASD community lately. I have unliked pages and hidden quite a few. I won't argue. I will just simply redirect my attention. This is what I need to do in order to maintain my own sense of wellness.
There is this thing that seems to drive a lot of human behavior. I don't know what it is called, or even if it has a name. It seems to be a sort of cohesion within groups that moves people together united in a common goal. I don't understand it. I don't like to be involved in it. I feel completely overwhelmed when people around me are engaging in it. This is not just as autistic thing, because I have seen autistics engage in this form of socializing as well.
I can try to describe what I mean with examples.
Usually, this phenomenon begins with an accusation of outrage. Someone has done or said something that is upsetting to someone else. They then claim outrage. They take this outrage to friends, who also claim outrage and now the drama is on. They are united in a common cause against this insult, this injustice, this miscarriage of humanity. They want the perpetrator of the insult to recant, to retract, to absolve their words and the harm they have inflicted with their words, or actions. They form a mob that will not let up until their attention gets turned somewhere else.
There is also the lesser form of the same behavior. Where there is something said (I'm going to use autism here, because that is the community that I am involved in, but I think this sort of thing isn't limited to the ASD community) in a book, or a news article about autism and the community goes wild with accusations of 'stereotyping' and 'prejudice' because what was said does not fit the definition for their own autism, or their child's. No matter, that the spectrum is broad and that it may fit others, usually quite a lot more severe than themselves. It's as if no one is allowed to have an opinion, or use descriptive terms about ASD unless it is all inclusive of the whole spectrum, even those with Asperger's. I find that to be an impossibility most of the time. The spectrum is wide and varied. I also know that those same people will likely have all kinds of negative things to say about the way I used 'severe' to describe autism, because anymore there seems to be no way to describe anything within the autism community without being judged as this or that, or as being pushing stereotypes. I was on board the autistic's rights movement, until it derailed into this mess of no one being allowed to even speak for fear of being a target of voracious arguments.
When I am in the midst of this much negativity and complaints I soak it up like a sponge. No matter how much I try not to, I still do. I feel heavy, and emotional. I get so weighed down in the negativity that I can't function all that well. I don't like this feeling. I'd rather be building up what I think is right, rather than finding what I feel is wrong and making it my mission to out this wrong. For someone who has a history of depression my brain can only handle so much, before I start to feel down and out by it all.
Like, last winter my husband was not as busy with work as he usually is. The brought with it financial woes, but also time on his hands. He chose to watch the news with quite a bit of this extra time. So, here is someone who is already sensitive to negativity due to life circumstances watching 24 hour news networks where there is always something bad happening. He started to become even more depressed and outraged the more bad stuff he saw. Everyday, there is no shortage of injustices for the media to report, and they make it a point to keep us upset and fearful, so that the drama and suspense keeps us coming back for more. I finally had to tell him to shut it off and find something else to do with his time. He was getting too wrapped up in the drama and it was not doing him, our family or the world any good to dwell on all that negativity.
I am starting to feel that way with my autism newsfeeds. I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with all the negativity from all the bad things that can, do, or might happen. The drama that is always present, because there is always someone in the media somewhere that said something that was un-pc about autism. It's not that I think it's okay for people to say bad things about autism, but I can;t let myself get worked up every time someone disagrees with the way I see the world. There's simply too much good to be doing for me to do that. You know the saying "Some people look for fault like there is a prize for finding it"? That is how I am feeling about a lot of the things I'm seeing in the ASD community lately. I have unliked pages and hidden quite a few. I won't argue. I will just simply redirect my attention. This is what I need to do in order to maintain my own sense of wellness.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Conversations With Bubby- All About Food
As I have mentioned on FB Page, Bubby and CJ are out of town visiting with their grandpa. I haven't talked to him much while he's been gone. I text everyday and all seems to be going well, so I have left well alone. One thing I was telling Hubby about earlier today was that I don't miss all the food questions all day. Mostly in the form of when do I get to eat bacon?
The questions usually look something like this:
"Can I have bacon for breakfast?"
"Can I have just bacon for breakfast?"( The answer is always no.)
"Can I have the leftover bacon for a snack/supper?" (here too)
"Who is going to eat the leftover bacon?"
"Why can't we have bacon everyday?"
Literally, this is the questions I hear everyday. So, it was no surprise that tonight his main questions were about meal planning. Though, I did find it a bit surprising that he didn't talk about bacon once. It went like this:
Him: What do you think we should do when I get home?
Me: I don't know. What do you think we should do?
Him: I think we should go out for pizza to celebrate me being home.
Me: Well, we will have to ask dad and grandpa about that. Maybe.
Him: What did you have for supper?
Me: Me and dad had sub sandwiches and salads and Beans had pizza and cucumber with olives.
Him: I'm glad I wasn't there for sub sandwiches. We had Sonic for lunch. (He then tells me in detail what everybody ate) For breakfast we had these twisted doughnuts. It was good. (Doughnuts aren't allowed for breakfast here unless it's a special occasion.)
This kid is all of 59 pounds at the age of 10 1/2. You'd think he was huge with his obsession with food, but he is just the opposite. I think food is sort of an anxiety for him. He is always worried that there is going to be something served that he won't like and somehow that will be just a catastrophe for him, even though I never make him eat food he hates, or go without. He asks me everyday as soon as he sees me after school what we're having for dinner. During the summer, he asks as soon as lunch is done. He studies the school lunch menu like it's of the utmost importance. At the end of the school year last year they had chicken nuggets on an unspecified day. I had sent him with a lunch not knowing about the nuggets. He had such a meltdown that they let him eat a school lunch.
He is just so funny sometimes with his little quirks. They are what makes him him. :-)
The questions usually look something like this:
"Can I have bacon for breakfast?"
"Can I have just bacon for breakfast?"( The answer is always no.)
"Can I have the leftover bacon for a snack/supper?" (here too)
"Who is going to eat the leftover bacon?"
"Why can't we have bacon everyday?"
Literally, this is the questions I hear everyday. So, it was no surprise that tonight his main questions were about meal planning. Though, I did find it a bit surprising that he didn't talk about bacon once. It went like this:
Him: What do you think we should do when I get home?
Me: I don't know. What do you think we should do?
Him: I think we should go out for pizza to celebrate me being home.
Me: Well, we will have to ask dad and grandpa about that. Maybe.
Him: What did you have for supper?
Me: Me and dad had sub sandwiches and salads and Beans had pizza and cucumber with olives.
Him: I'm glad I wasn't there for sub sandwiches. We had Sonic for lunch. (He then tells me in detail what everybody ate) For breakfast we had these twisted doughnuts. It was good. (Doughnuts aren't allowed for breakfast here unless it's a special occasion.)
This kid is all of 59 pounds at the age of 10 1/2. You'd think he was huge with his obsession with food, but he is just the opposite. I think food is sort of an anxiety for him. He is always worried that there is going to be something served that he won't like and somehow that will be just a catastrophe for him, even though I never make him eat food he hates, or go without. He asks me everyday as soon as he sees me after school what we're having for dinner. During the summer, he asks as soon as lunch is done. He studies the school lunch menu like it's of the utmost importance. At the end of the school year last year they had chicken nuggets on an unspecified day. I had sent him with a lunch not knowing about the nuggets. He had such a meltdown that they let him eat a school lunch.
He is just so funny sometimes with his little quirks. They are what makes him him. :-)
Saturday, July 14, 2012
IEP Nightmare
Last night I had this dream about being at an IEP meeting for Bubby. I went to the school to drop something off and I ran into some of next year's staff for Bubby. School was just about to start in the dream. I started trying to chat with them about Bubby and they said "I hope you don't expect the same things as he got last year. This is 5th grade. It's not going to be a cart le blanche of services for him." I didn't know how to respond. I at first, thought that maybe it was just that person. But, I kept running into staff that would say the same things. I finally got upset and yelled "He has an IEP! You can't just pick and choose what services he gets! It's a legally binding document!" To which they replied that they have called a new meeting to re-assess the IEP. I went to the meeting and they said that he no longer qualifies for services. I tried arguing and I got so upset. I couldn't figure out how they could do such a thing! So, I pulled my last punch. I said "Fine! Then I guess I will have to home school him if you will not provide the proper care and services for him!" Then they started high fiving each other! I couldn't believe it! It was such a realistic feeling dream. I left the school feeling overwhelmed as I have no idea how to home school.
I'm guessing all this is symbolizing my jitters for the upcoming school year. I was not even aware I was that nervous about it, but I must be. I think it has to do with the older he gets, the less the teachers tend to go out of their way to aid him. I have no idea who his teacher is going to be next year. Usually, they have that per-determined for him, but not this year. He is getting older and the structure of school changes with each year. I think that I get worried he is getting left behind. I also worry that I will have to home school and that is something I really don't know anything about or want to do. I don't like driving into town (read that as, I have anxiety issues about driving into town so I don't) and I worry that being at home with just me all day will be a not good place for him to be socially.
But, the good news is, it was just a dream! Hopefully, next year will be just fine!
I'm guessing all this is symbolizing my jitters for the upcoming school year. I was not even aware I was that nervous about it, but I must be. I think it has to do with the older he gets, the less the teachers tend to go out of their way to aid him. I have no idea who his teacher is going to be next year. Usually, they have that per-determined for him, but not this year. He is getting older and the structure of school changes with each year. I think that I get worried he is getting left behind. I also worry that I will have to home school and that is something I really don't know anything about or want to do. I don't like driving into town (read that as, I have anxiety issues about driving into town so I don't) and I worry that being at home with just me all day will be a not good place for him to be socially.
But, the good news is, it was just a dream! Hopefully, next year will be just fine!
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