Monday, November 12, 2012

My Never Quiet Mind

I know a lot of my autistic blogger friends have been writing about special interests lately.  I have thought about doing a sort of post about it for awhile, but one has never materialized in my mind, or at least not in a way that has produced results.  I think about things to write about all the time. So much so, I have considered trying to make it into an actual career. I am always flowing with ideas to and topics that I want to discuss. This is because I never stop thinking.  My mind goes and goes.... So, what leads to this?  What does this feel like to me?

It is like I have a deep need for knowledge. It's more than a passing thought of I'd like to know more about X, or Y. No, it is way more than that.  I feel a drive that is not containable.  When something peeks my interest I feel such an overwhelming desire to know more about it that it is more important than most things to me.  It is a constant battle for me to get things done that I know needs done, while allowing myself the time that I need for researching and reading.  These interests can last a day, or years.  Sometimes, I have mini-interests that I research for an afternoon.  I will spend a couple of hours, or even a few hours over a course of a couple of days looking up information about an obscure topic that really has little bearing in my life.  At least, not enough to warrant that much time spent, according to most people, anyways.

I collect all of this information in my mind and it sits there, interconnecting with all of the other information that I have learned.  Once I read something, I rarely forget it.  I will remember it forever, as well as have the ability to link it up with new information in a way that allows me to have a broader understanding of how everything works.  Sometimes, I have facts that I know that I don't even know how or why I have that knowledge.  I just know it. 

Examples, of some of my search history on my computer,

*BMI charts, weight loss programs, and exercise programs. I know way more than any average person about all those things.

* Topographical Agnosia and well as directions to get to anywhere I ever have gone.

*ICD code for Aspeger's and autism-Autism is another big one, as well as other related disorders. 

*Craft project ideas for Halloween treat bags

*Dog related stuff.  Hours and hours of research about what kind of dog we have as well as how to train him.

*Post mordem photography- an afternoon of research into this little tradition.

* Lyrics to songs I like- lots and lots of those.

 *How to prepare squash, and every other thing I've made recently

*How to....get glue off of jars, train a dog, tell if _____ food is any good, cook _______ food, make _______ thing, fix __________,  Just endless How to's in my google search bar history.

To be clear here, I know that other people look up stuff on line.  I know that's not abnormal or odd. What makes it a bit so for me is the time I spend doing it.  I almost never go to one Google page of results and be done with it.  No. I read pages upon pages of information, sometimes, even taking it on a long string of unrelated topics, eating up my time and filling my brain with info that us probably not all that useful in a practical sense.


But, in truth nothing makes me happier than when I am learning.  It is the thing that makes my day good.  It is the substance I crave. I always need to know more. I am thirsty for information from that minute I wake up till the minute I go to sleep.  I can't think of  how awful life would be if I suddenly couldn't read anymore. If I suddenly lost my ability to be able to explore every little nuance that gets my interest.  My mind doesn't stop. It's always absorbing and needing more to digest.  It is an obsession, but one that is happy and harmless.  In this bliss I often forget that others don't feel this way. It's hard for me to comprehend that others find learning difficult, or boring when I look forward to it everyday with a childlike sense of joy.


14 comments:

  1. Oh, this is me. It always has been - you articulate it so well.

    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is me too! i used to have piles and piles of printed out song lyrics. i used to write down every song i liked and i had to look them up. i was obsessed with the story behind the song if i could find that information (which was unfortunately NOT often!! why dont they share that information!?!?)

    i do this too. so much like me. definitely!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I was a teen the internet was scarce and few people had it. I used to spend ours pouring over lyrics from the inside of CD and cassette (I am old lol) covers. I was always so disappointed when there weren't any. I used to buy magazines like Hit Parader and a few others that would feature interviews of my fave bands so that I could get read more about the back stories of their songs.

      Thanks for your comment!

      Delete
  3. Oh, wow your last paragraph I could have written word for word. I shared on one of your facebook posts how my researching and basically "learning" helps me pull out of my depressive loops. I limited it to my love for learning about the cosmos, but my desire to learn things is on a huge spectrum and for me they all connect.

    My husband says that one could figure out what kind of mood I am in if they were to look at my google history for the day... or they would become very concerned by the history that they see. Ha ha ha I am an eclectic learner. :-)

    It is one thing that makes me very happy - to learn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sometimes google things about relationships and such that I'd probably be embarrassed if someone saw. lol My husband tells me that not everything has to be thought about or researched. That not everything has answers. I didn't really buy that, though. Sometimes, I waste too much time researching something that really isn't a big deal, but according to my anxiety feels like it in that moment!

      Thanks for your comment and shares!

      Delete
  4. Is it wrong that these posts are leaving me jealous?
    "A child-like sense of joy"
    J E A L O U S
    ox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your comments and how you think. You're never wrong and always full of fun and humor!

      Delete
  5. EXACTLY!!! I am, in fact, looking up stuff right now. I can spend hours, days, weeks, and if I didn't have to eat, sleep or use the bathroom (or tend the children tugging at me) I would stay glued to my machine downloading info into my brain. I love it. Beyond enjoying learning and absorbing information and yes--connecting the obscure dots, it calms me. Exercising my brain is stress relief for me. Now if only I could get off my butt and exercise my body as much as my brain, I could relieve myself of these extra pounds! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me, too, but sometimes it does feel like I get too obsessed and overwhelmed by all the info, but I feel unable to do anything about it. It's like some sort of inertia propelling forward against my better judgment to step away and do something else! Do you ever get that way, too?

      Delete
  6. Oh yes this is me too! :)
    This is why right now there is no 'space' in my brain left to write my blog, because I am researching a lot for my new practice. And I can't multitask at all! Every braincell is occupied when I'm like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I so know what you mean. I have a one track mind. Also, I change special interests every so often, as well, so when I change from one thing I often will have almost no interest in it ever again. It's like a switch gets flicked and I'm done with it now.

      Delete
  7. Oh my, it feels like I'm home! :)

    In my university days, I was required to write a thesis. If it wasn't for my advisor, I would likely still be there, researching, 15 years later. I love to research and, like you, find it very calming for the most part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never really went to college. Maybe some day, as I have a feeling that it would be fun to me!

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Delete

If you'd like to follow all comments to this post, please click the 'subscribe by email' link under the comment box. I always reply to every post, and appreciate all feedback. If you have issues getting your comment to post you can email me your comment at inneraspie@yahoo.com. Blogger sometimes loses a comment when the user goes to post, so it is always advisable to highlight and copy your text before hitting the post button.