Just while writing this I had to get up and chase our new dog (who I am also training) down the alley, because he found a week spot in our fence (that I totally told my husband about, but he insisted it was fine) and had to stop writing to answer texts from Bean's teacher. My husband and I are in a stalemate, because he doesn't agree with the way I want to train the dog. So, there's a lot of tension there. I am bossy. I am controlling. I am working on not being so much so, but it is in my nature to know what needs to be done and do it. Part of that is working on letting someone else take care of the leftovers,sometimes. Even if they don't do it my way. Even if things don't all get done. I know this is life. I know I will be here again and again. I will get much of these tasks done and then after a short resting time, things will get hectic again. Life has a way of being this way, especially when you have special needs kids to tend to. I sometimes run out of steam, but I always get it done. I know that I do. It's hard to remember when I am in the middle of it all drowning that I will sink faster if I flail around fighting. I have to remember to stay calm and float naturally. Not easy when it all seems so urgent. I have to remember to stop perseverating on what I'm not getting done and think about what I did. The first will bring me to a standstill, while the other will help me see what I accomplish. It's hard to have a good perspective sometimes, but worth it, emotionally.
All in all I think I am doing good with being calm and looking to the bright side. A vast improvement from where I was even a year ago. I am still drowning in it, but I am able to be calm, delegate, and prioritize. as well as not feel like a failure when I can't meet every deadline or commitment.
Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank YOU for reading and commenting!
DeleteHi it's been awhile since I saw any links to your blog. Well you convinced me that I'm hungry and that I also will get to the pesky job of cleaning the fridge lol! So much talk of food. Can you tell my diet is not working. The mention of it had me thinking. Your right I should eat the leftovers. Ok no more food jokes.
ReplyDeleteYou most def have more to do then most do. I can't say that I volunteer, that would be way more then I could handle right now. You are amazing for taking on the extra. With all the meetings and appointments sometimes it's enough. So yep add in the house work and going through what a day can be like with a non verbal but really fun kiddo, and you got busy right there. Now add in a extra active verbal kid with much on the go (all that pesky homework my kid likes to doge, hobbies, extra after school activities and junk) and hey both parents are running around like a chicken with it's head cut off lol. (chicken mmm!). I gotta say did you turly add in training a dog? Chasing it down the street and all. Really. Wow just wow. One busy busy lady. Wish you the best with your IEP meeting and have fun with the dog. By the way how's beans doing with the dog. Is he having fun? I guess he's not one of those trained Autism dogs or you wouldn't be training it. Well all the best.
LOL, all your food jokes! I know I used a bunch of food metaphors! Seemed to be the only way to visually convey my thoughts, at least on my strange brain, anyway!
DeleteYes, I did add on training a dog. Technically, it's my daughter's dog that she got for her b-day, but... she's at school all day, which leaves me with Cupid (the dog's name) to care for. Plus, she's 14 and he knows she's not the head hancho, so he listens to her only when he feels like it. He knows I'm the boss of the house, so it's up to me to get him trained.
We got him from the Humane Society and I thought for sure he was calm and easygoing, even though his color card indicated otherwise. He seemed like an orange (laid back) but when we got him home for a couple days I quickly realized he is truly a green (high energy, active) dog, as his papers indicated. So..... Beans is still getting used to him. Cupid needs to learn to calm down and not be so jumpy and bitey before Beans will feel comfortable with him. The dog is very affectionate, but just hyper.
I am busy, but hopefully a lull will come along in the next 2 wks or so and ease the load up. Thanks for all of your comments on here and twitter! I always like hearing from you.
Hi. I think you give back a lot to others already! However, you might have to put yourself first now. It's hard to give on empty. Listen to your body and your thoughts. If they are telling you enough then it is what it is. Cut out the non essentials and please don't worry about the emails! Believe in yourself, you are doing great work!
ReplyDeleteThank you, it is has turn into a tearful, feeling all alone, hating my life kind of day. The kind of day that I try to admit that I absolutely hate staying at home, but can't really do anything else either...urgh!
DeleteThen I battle the guilt that I don't want to stay in this house vacuuming, wiping noses, and cleaning up mess after endless mess all day long. Then the guilt about not being able to keep up with the damn mess that everyone else seems to do effortlessly. (Ok, maybe it just seems that way to me.)
Add to this that I am sick, which I hardly ever get sick. I have fever, sore throat, body aches, and hubby gets stuck at work tonight, and then yup there goes the waterfalls. At the end of my coping strategies here, I may need some new ones.
You're probably right Lucy. I don't do too much volunteering. Usually, baking and that sort of thing. I have to make some cookies for Bubby's fall party this afternoon, that HE volunteered me for! lol
DeleteThanks for you encouragement!
I so get what you are saying Aspie Writer. I hope it's all going better for you now. I do like staying home and feel it's a good fit for me, but not everyone is like that and I have days where I feel exactly the way you described. I feel like I can't keep up with it and on top of that if I don't feel well I just struggle that much more.
DeleteFor me, the only way I have learned to cope is to let go of my ideas of perfection. When I did that, I was able to put into perspective what needed to be done, and what could wait, without feeling so much guilt and pressure. I felt like my self worth was tied to too many external things. Yes, we need clean clothes, dishes and food daily. Everything else is on a when I get to it basis.I also learned that it's okay to ask others to help if I really need it. My kids have chores, which help keep the house tidy without me feeling like I am just burdened with it all. If I am really behind, sometimes I will ask them to do more, like vacuum the living room, or fold a load of laundry for me.
You're definitely not alone! That's for sure. Most moms feel the way you described, even if they are NT and don't have special needs kids, much less the ones that do. I hope things are going better for you now!
This is such a perfect reflection on how I see myself and how I treat my own life, having been diagnosed with adult ADHD. How can you love someone else without loving yourself first? Life is too short and 'wasting time' is not in my vocabulary. This post is great - Love it!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Also, thanks for sharing your experience!
DeleteYes this describes me too. I hope through posting this, you feel somehow lighter because you've shared the load and also because you realise you are not alone with this feeling.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do! I didn't really expect much of any replies to this and have been really surprised to see how many others have something to say!
DeleteOh, boy I feel many things that you have written here. It has felt very overwhelming lately.
ReplyDeleteYour sharing is a definite comfort, but also reminds me to keep others in my thoughts as well.
It makes a huge difference in staying positive when you can see the progress that you have made. You achieve so much on a daily basis it can be hard to remember that in the midst of chaos. :-)
I am still working on stopping that negative talk about being a failure, but you sharing helps remind me to keep a positive outlook!
I'm glad that you felt comforted by this post. I thought it was poorly written and rambly, so I was really surprised at how many of you identify with it! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)
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