In continuing with my efforts to blog more consistently about my new ideas of mindful thinking and what strategies I'm applying to better meet my goals I'm happy to update that today is going okay, as well as yesterday. The day before was pretty unhappy and unfocused. Filled with lots of anxiety and negative thinking. I still have so much work to do in determining triggers and not allowing them to be my primary focus, sending me into a tailspin of fret, worry and all sorts of negative thinking patterns that I would rather not waste my energy on.
Today, I was successful in identifying when I was being overzealous in my attempts to plan out my weekend. I had this fantasy that since it was Mother's Day weekend I would somehow (don't ask me how) get the whole house sparkling clean and have time for some blogging and extra baking. I thought that I might be able to get weeks worth of tasks miraculously done in two days. By about 3 this afternoon I became aware of my illogical thinking. My irrational goal was exposed for the life-sucker it has proved itself to be for the last 30 some years. I told that thought that I couldn't listen to it. I acknowledged it's existence, noticed it was there, thought about how nice it might be to have Monday (my day off I designated for myself, but more about that later) in a nice, orderly house. Alas, this wasn't my life and the only way I would come close to this goal would be if I manically cleaned, and got on everyone else's case to do the same awarding me the most unpleasant mom to be around this Mother's Day weekend. Now, I did not want that award. That is probably the opposite of what I want, so I decided that it was best for me to do what I can and let it go.
As I am trying to be more aware of my feelings, where they originate at in my body, what triggered them, how I react, how they effect me, ect.. I have noticed a great deal of frustration buried deep in my stomach today.My sensory system is overloaded without provocation. This happens from time to time, without so much as a warning or a reason. I just have days where nothing feels right. My clothes feel all wrong, my appetite is out of whack, I feel achey, irritated, and unable to tolerate noise. Any noise and it just so happens that my house consists of noise coming from competing directions at any given time. TV, video games, computers, Bean's toys and verbal stims. My house is anything but quiet. My husband isn't feeling well and when he feels unwell he wants cuddles. Lots and lots of cuddles. This is not always my favorite activity unless it's at the designated times, but I do not like my routine interrupted with lots of hugs and kisses(unless you're Beans. Beans always gets hugs and kisses!). I'm trying to get things done. My sensory system is hanging on by a thread of imminent meltdown and he needs hugs. Denying him this (which is excruciatingly important to him) at this time is not going to turn out well, so I am dealing with it. Maybe, I am getting sick as well and that's why I am feeling over my sensory limit from the get-go? Who knows?
Saturday, May 12, 2012
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"I still have so much work to do in determining triggers and not allowing them to be my primary focus, sending me into a tailspin of fret, worry and all sorts of negative thinking patterns that I would rather not waste my energy on."
ReplyDeleteOh, boy! I have been dealing with this today. I just came out of a panic attack about one of my posts. I was fine, but then something triggered me - I am not sure what and then, I spiraled.
My husband missed his plane last night and I had to get him this morning instead of last night. It threw our day off, so this may be my trigger, but I am not sure. Sorry I just realized that I am rambling on your comments section.
I can relate! And I think the mindful thinking is an awesome idea. I have been trying to put it into practice as well. I am horrible at meditation though. It is so difficult for me. I have tried everything and the only thing that I can do is listen to music, and to read to help me find calm.
I hope you are not getting sick! Wishing you well with all the cuddling. :-)
Oh, ramble away! I like to hear other's ideas and experiences. I always feel like maybe I overshare, or otherwise sound like a weirdo. When I hear other similar stories I feel encouraged to keep going.
DeleteI have trouble meditating, too. I only do 5 minutes at a time, and I forget that most of the time! It's a work in progress. I also try to just do Mindful moments where I ground myself by quieting my mind and focusing on my breath, and the 5 senses. Like what I smell, what I hear ect...
I love listening to music, too. :)
Wow, it's uncanny how my mind seems to work just like yours!!! "I thought that I might be able to get weeks worth of tasks miraculously done in two days." LOL, I've SO been there!!
ReplyDelete"My sensory system is overloaded without provocation." I have these days too and when this happens I try to focus on how to get to the end of the day as relaxed as possible. I've given up trying to find the cause because that's costs me energy I'd like to spend on other things.
And: Happy Mother's Day!!
Thank you! Yeah, you're right. Sometimes, I think that I'll never know the cause, so no use in wasting time trying to find it.
Delete"where they originate at in my body" - that's so interesting. I've never thought to consider that now I want to pay attention!
ReplyDeleteI find that my feelings of overwhelm/overstimulation build up cyclically & I can't for the life of me figure out what triggers them. Sleep & diet are big, but beyond that, it's a puzzle. Sometimes I feel downright neurotypical & other times, I'm all Aspie. It's weird.
Eating properly and making sure my blood sugar stays up is important. I've noticed that, as well. Also PMS is a big one. For me, when I get in a negative mood I tend to stay there spiralling out of control for awhile. That's why I so want to know when it's about to happen so I could be more aware of stopping it, or at least taking a new direction.
ReplyDeleteI also at times, think that I don't feel very as-ish, then bam! Something happens that snaps me back to reality quickly!
The art of positive thinking is a good strategy. Think positive and helpful thoughts and perhaps try turning negative ones around into positive ones. As for overdoing things - I always make a To do list before bedtime - the list is usually long. I never achieve everything on the list, but isn't it great to tick off at least a few of those items by the end of each day. I must also try and not procrastinate - one of my weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteI also procrastinate. I spend way more time thinking about getting things done than actually doing them!
DeleteThanks for your comments!
I procrastinate, I overshare, I get tense and overstimulated like all of you do ... can't meditate, my prayers are always little chunks of thoughts, but I can never concentrate on them.
DeleteI can do "just nothing" very well, though ...calming down while reading and doing other stuff I like. The beholding of any detail of my garden calms me down perfectly. I always prefer doing what I like to household tasks ... because I can't get it all done anyway ... and I think it's worth more being calm ... and then I always do part of these household chores volumtarily and even enjoy doing them.
I've always thought that I have the same right to be happy as has anyone else ... so: As I simply can't do practical things effectively related to a schedule - where's the point in trying?
I wash my windows once a year each ... there are no meal times, no cooking (imposing these things on my family wouldn't work, anyway ... ) So, one of us prepares a meal from frozen ingredients any time they consider it necessary ... I clean the floors when I see that they want cleaning, but NEVER according to a schedule. I nevet plan any chores ... I just get ready for what is necessary to attend /do outside the house / with friends etc.
Good for you for finding what works for you. If you're happy and your family is happy, then that's all that matters!
DeleteMindful thinking hmmm I do wish I could get to the. Place where I can see and feel triggers. Not sure why but I can't seem to do it. I know that I'm having anxiety or extra waves of emotion. I try to walk around to calm them but they sometimes get worse. To understand what it is that triggers them is what I will think about. Very insightful once agin.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Good luck on your journey to inner peace!
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