Monday, January 5, 2015

Autism in Dire Straits

Getting around to writing my Happy New Year! post on January 5th seems to be pretty fitting for my life right now! Ha. I didn't have time, or an idea of what to write, and never a quiet moment to attempt it, anyway. I have pretty much given up on the notion of writing a traditional post for the new year.

But, here I am 5 days late giving it a go.

I feel like I have covered a lot of personal type goals, and changes I'd like to make with the last few entries. I talked about things I'm too old to keep dealing with, and how I'm not necessarily paying attention to every social media post that comes my way.

Right now I am feeling like my family is in crisis, and there isn't any personal goal that I can wish to attain that will fix that. I have put off writing this entry for awhile now. I hinted a bit about how Beans is struggling in my last entry, but I did not give any details. I never know how much I should talk about publicly. How much should I speak about his life, or my life, or my other kid's lives? Violating other people's right to privacy is always at the forefront of my mind when I blog. My own privacy, and dignity is also a concern. Sometimes, when I read other blogs I cringe at the private moments people share that as someone who was raised before the internet knows back in the day would never have been shared with a wide audience.

On the same token I am not going to sit here, and blog about how awesome autism is without sharing the moments where it is not. I am not all about autism equals suffering crap. I am also not all about glossing over real struggles.I have to speak about the truth, or else why even bother writing in the first place?

The truth is that sometimes with autism life can be kinda hard. I know that just from my own brain. However, Beans autism is not quite the same as mine. He has so many other mitigating circumstances that sometimes can make it hard for him to cope at times. I always hesitate to try to explain his other issues such as cognitive delays, because it is usually met with anger about how autism doesn't mean intellectually disabled. I agree it doesn't for most, but can for some. When Beans was diagnosed at 2 I was told that his cognitive delays were more of a disability than his autism by our developmental pediatrician. She also said that by 10 I need to be considering a residential facility for him. I was downright offended. Shocked, and offended. Still. that stuck with me for years. She didn't say that about Bubby when he was diagnosed. She didn't tell anyone else I know that about their kids.

Keeping him safe here lately has been a full time job. So has keeping everyone else in the house safe from him. I hear the the doctors, and their warnings,