Thursday, October 9, 2014

Refilling My Reserves

There has always been something about gazing up at the night sky that captivates me. The smell of night, and the calm stillness pulls my thoughts into another world.It's one that transcends physical practicalities, and realities. It's a dimension of me that only I know, and wish so deeply that I could pull another person into it for just a moment to share in the richness. I wish I could express it in words with the depth in which I feel it. There are no words that describe how I feel sometimes.

As I step out into the intricate moonlight the blue hues in the sky remind me of every happy moment I had as a child. It's like every memory melds into one time, and one experience that is stored away in the recesses of my mind until something triggers it, and there I am as happy as I could ever be.

The dark is heavy with mystery, and nostalgia. I am so many ages, and in so many places all at once.Speechless. The clouds pass quickly in swirls around the moon, and suddenly time is endless. Infinite. I feel like I could be, too.

When I speak of the quiet joy I feel under the night sky the happiest I could ever be is not moments in which I acquired anything, or accomplished something, They are simply a collection of memories from my past where I had a moment of spontaneous,  pure joy, and awe at just being alive. That is how the night sky affects me. It's a quiet kind of happy that drapes itself over my entire being in moments when nothing spectacular is happening. It's a private moment between oneself, and the universe that isn't about who we are, or what  we do, but just about being. It doesn't matter what we do for a living, or who loves us, or what kind of car we drive. When I step into this mind frame I am more than what I did today, or will do tomorrow. I am the sum of my whole existence. I can sit for hours outside, alone doing nothing, but gazing at the stars.



And just simply being.

This is the refreshing feeling I gather many people get from being social with other people. For me, it is a way to re-energize. I refill my reserves best when alone soaking in the quiet still air. It's like a hitting the repair, and reset button on my mind. Sitting outdoors on a warm autumn night is my way of restoring my energies. It's my way of healing, and being connected with something more than myself. It's the cure for everyday overwhelm that autistic people like me experience from living in a world that is not made for us. <3 br="">

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