Sunday, February 3, 2013
I have rewritten the first part of this post several times now. I can't seem to even decide for myself what I want to say. I gather my thoughts toward a central theme, but my efforts seem scattered, just like my brain.
So, let's just get to the point that I am looking to make with this post, or at least the thoughts I am trying to convey.
In my last post , I spoke of struggles that I don't discuss much on here, or on my FB page. I do discuss parts, at times pulling up the dusty curtain that I hide my junk behind just enough to reveal a small sliver of what I am hiding back here. That glimpse is all that I typically show, before snatching the curtain shut. I don't know what I fear would happen if I opened it all the way showcasing my flaws, and sad parts for the world to see. I suppose I fear judgment. I fear that maybe people will decide that my 'crazy' is too much for them, and they'd stop following me, stop listening to me, and stop interacting with me. The very thing my OCD drives to avoid might happen, and my fears would be realized as I stood there baring all. That's the last thing I want, so I go to wild extremes to avoid this judgment.