Do you ever have those days where you're overflowing from too much pressure about one, or maybe even lots of different problems? I think that everyone does. I think some more than others. I am having such a day, myself. Not really emotional as much, as ummm... maybe.... intolerant? I still don't think that fits what I am trying to convey. I am having trouble finding, sorting, and communicating the words I'm meaning here.
I am pretty open about everything it seems in my life via this blog, and FB. It would seem that my life is an open book with not a lot going on that I haven't spoken about, but like most people I have a private life that I keep .... well, private. I don't always share my every issue, or even my every desperate struggle. I might seem to many to be strong, and holding together, and 95% of the time, in 95% of my life I am. Then, there's that 5% that I compartmentalize. That is my OCD driven problems, and my private life kind of struggles (that let's face it most of us have at some point) part. This is the 5% that I hide, because it's my vulnerable area, and it's really not everyone's business. If you're a trusted friend, you already know what these are
, or at least many of them. So, like everyone else, I have struggles, and I have days where it gets to be too much. I have days where the struggles that I face privately bring me to a sensitive state. In this state I may mistake other's intentions as personal. Really, an autistic person not necessarily being able to read between the lines of communication, and take another's POV into consideration when in a state of upset isn't really all that far fetched, but I digress. It think this happens to everyone, so it's not really about ASD as a root cause anyway. I think it's just something that complicates it in my case.
When I get this way, I might say something emotionally charged, and rude. Not way out there rude. Just bitchy enough to cause bruised feelings rude. That's my MO, when upset. I am not ever what anyone would call nasty, or even mean. Just dark, and moody sometimes. This doesn't happen often, but when it does I typically apologize for what I said rather quickly, and sincerely. This situation occurred today. I took a comment from a poster on my FB page as something other than it was intended. After, I calmed down I apologized to the person, which was a short period of time. It wasn't days, or even hours, and I didn't need anyone to ask me to. I did it on my own.
I am getting to my point here... I promise.
After chatting with lots of other page/blog owners I am aware that many of us feel hurt by some of the things people say on our pages. Since the internet is huge, it is inevitable that someone just looking to hurt feelings will come along, and say something outrageous. It's even more inevitable that someone is going to come along and take something the wrong way, or not agree with what we've said. In this big wide world, it happens. Opinions are wide, and varied just as people are. We all have our tastes, and our own ideas. I always appreciate it beyond words when someone private messages me when they have an issue with another poster on my page. That is a mature way to go about major disagreements, so that fights don't break out in a publicly infectious manner.
If you take anything away from this I would hope that it is, that us page owners are only human. We have bad days, just like anyone else. We say things sometimes in bad timing, just like anyone else. Please, remember that before nailing us to the cross next time you might not like something we did, or said. Whether that be a decision we made, a belief we stated you didn't care for, or even an emotional outburst we displayed. We aren't perfect. No one is. It's just that usually there aren't a thousand people hanging around to see it when most people make a mistake. With us, there is. Here this last couple weeks this blog alone has been getting upwards of 600 hits a day, not to mention all the people that see what I write off the cuff on FB. I am bound to have a bad moment that is on public display, unless I never get personal at all, but I suspect that is part of what people follow this blog, and my page for. I don't post a lot of generic content. The stuff I post is stuff that can get emotional real fast. Page owners, and bloggers provide a space for many to convene, and spend lots of time sharing just not our lives, but also information that you all might find useful, as well as all the private messages we respond to in efforts to help others. Please, remember that before throwing stones.
I banned my first user today on the FB page. I am feeling quite sad, and torn about this. I have let a lot slide in the past, as I want my page to be a place people can be free to express themselves. But, I have to feel safe to express myself, as well, and the things that person said (the comments have been removed) did not make my page feel safe to me. It felt like I was being judged, and talked down to in a way that I'd never let anyone do anywhere else. It was unprovoked, and attacking. I'd never had an issue with this person before, so there was no reason for them to speak to me like that. They could have address me in a pm, or kept their thoughts to themselves, or even reworded what they had to say, but they didn't. They were a regular poster, so they had to know that I possibly had gotten upset with someone else as a result of a bad day, as what I had said to the other person was out of character for me. I hope that was the last time I feel the need to do that.
As for now, I am taking a small break from FB, and Twitter. The automated posts that I always have sharing from another site will still come through, but I will not be on there for a couple days. Sometimes, we need a break from things, and I think this is very applicable in this case.