tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post3919757332026640768..comments2024-02-10T03:00:31.683-06:00Comments on Thoughts of an Introverted Matriarch: #Autistic Know-it-all, or Could it be #Anxiety?Quiet Contemplationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-59646777497354509472013-08-31T15:07:44.783-05:002013-08-31T15:07:44.783-05:00You're doing awesome! I love hearing from pare...You're doing awesome! I love hearing from parents trying to understand. <3Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-40542799082291694592013-08-30T15:15:48.765-05:002013-08-30T15:15:48.765-05:00Yes, this does help! In a validating way, in fact....Yes, this does help! In a validating way, in fact. I'm big with the distracting thing, because it works with Jaxson so well and I combine doing my best to tell him the "why" of something, though most of it goes over his head, I do find that when he does "get it" he allows me to do that reassure thing you mentioned. Because in the heat of it, he doesn't want to hear, "It's okay... blah, blah." I've also found that working it so that he feels like he has some control works very well. When he's given choices about acceptable actions, he seems to self-regulate better and come down from an episode more quickly. And for sure when he "gets it" everything goes much better because once a kid understands there is a benefit of that back and forth, something seems to click. <br /><br />Anyway, I guess I'm doing what I can, I just always try and ask people with autism their thoughts if I'm struggling/working with something because often I find there's something I've totally overlooked because I can't read his mind. (If only there were a little USB port and I could plug in and see what he sees... man. I'd give anything.)<br /><br />Thanks again for your thoughts. I enjoyed this post very much. Jeni ;)Jenihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04415391975943206836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-5785707615845464372013-08-30T14:49:22.547-05:002013-08-30T14:49:22.547-05:00Thanks for reading! :)Thanks for reading! :)Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-9504213582094834552013-08-30T14:48:52.749-05:002013-08-30T14:48:52.749-05:00Hmmm.. For a child, I might just remind them that ...Hmmm.. For a child, I might just remind them that you will fix whatever it is that is bothering them, and try to distract them if possible. Some things can't be fixed, like a cookie that breaks, and suddenly the child is in a meltdown. My son used to be that way, and there was just nothing I could do. the cookie can't be fixed. Some kids do well with another alternative activity, and some can't switch away from the upsetting event. After the fact, I am usually aware that I blew the situation out of proportion, but during it didn't feel that way. I don't think most kids have the ability to self-regulate, and think about things in the moment. That is where we can help reassure, and distract to another thought to get them off of the thoughts of upset. I hope that helps a little!Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-52919515828534123802013-08-30T14:40:28.523-05:002013-08-30T14:40:28.523-05:00Yeah, I totally get that. I am the same way. It...Yeah, I totally get that. I am the same way. It's embarrassing to be told how negative I can be. I really don't try to come across that way, but I know I do. I won't notice 10 good things, but one bad thing and I'm all over it! I am working at it, because I know it's hurtful to him, but it's def. not a natural way of seeing things for me.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-51951841062399162872013-08-29T07:01:44.639-05:002013-08-29T07:01:44.639-05:00Thanks so much for sharing. First, this helps NTs...Thanks so much for sharing. First, this helps NTs better understand why their partner or child may always need to be 'right.' Second, it helps me, as a therapist, discuss with my adult clients with autism, how you have coped with a) understanding your anxiety and b) learning to be more 'flexible' with your anxiety and how you express it.Steve Borgmanhttp://www.myaspergers.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-54157816597034818632013-08-28T18:27:29.964-05:002013-08-28T18:27:29.964-05:00This was great to read. I have two autistic sons a...This was great to read. I have two autistic sons and my youngest is speech delayed, moderately verbal. I see signs of him feeling this way, but I wonder how I can help when he's having this kind of moment? You are fantastically articulate about it as well as being self-aware. He can't be either of those right now. Any suggestions from being "inside" it where I could help him out when I sense one of these situations arise?Jenihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04415391975943206836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-87930639411380135122013-08-27T13:56:52.211-05:002013-08-27T13:56:52.211-05:00Yes! This is exactly how my brain reacts as well.....Yes! This is exactly how my brain reacts as well...all those thoughts of all the reasons that whatever he (usually Hubby) is doing "wrong" will affect everything the entire night. I could have written the saga with the blankets here myself. :) so definitely know you are not alone. <br /><br />I think you are right about the anxiety too, because these seemingly little things do cause anxiety that I think many just don't comprehend. I also find that when I am stressed, tired, overloaded, etc. I blurt out all the "wrongs" much more quickly then when I am calm. (I am not calm often.)<br /><br />Another thing I noticed, that I wonder if you do this too, I tend to ONLY notice the "bad" the things out of place, the things that stand-out but tend to not even notice the "good" stuff. If Hubby fixed something that needed fixing, or straightened I tend to not noticed the "fix" but will notice and mention that it "needs" to be fixed for the whole week before he actually gets to it. <br /><br />It is not that I do not want to acknowledge his efforts, and I often feel terrible because he has to point out that I did not notice. Now I am wondering if all my rambling made any sense at all?? Aspie Writerhttp://www.aspiewriter.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-38677563427308823902013-08-27T09:32:03.631-05:002013-08-27T09:32:03.631-05:00Thank you. Yes, my son does it, too. I'm also ...Thank you. Yes, my son does it, too. I'm also trying to teach him about being respectful of other's feelings. It's hard for a young aspie/autie to learn. It's hard for me to put in practice, and I'm in my 30's!Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-78432739775753663392013-08-27T09:29:21.512-05:002013-08-27T09:29:21.512-05:00Thank you for reading, and sharing! :)Thank you for reading, and sharing! :)Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-23089149873430642972013-08-27T06:28:48.469-05:002013-08-27T06:28:48.469-05:00Good luck :) It took me until my twenties to reali...Good luck :) It took me until my twenties to realise I did this and how annoying it was for others (a not too close friend told me point blank and tho I was hurt at the time, I am grateful that she made her point so clearly).<br /><br />Unfortunately, my son has the same trait, which can be challenging and his younger sister is a natural storyteller and weave of tales, so gives him lots of fuel for his anxiety about what is true/right/what works.<br /><br />I do the buttoning my lip thing, which is daft - my own husband bugbear is the loading of the dishwasher - he does it in an inefficient manner but I cannot bring myself to pull him up on it, so I redo it myself and mull over his many positive facets whilst I do :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993465543749647738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-35665951413949328822013-08-26T15:00:32.645-05:002013-08-26T15:00:32.645-05:00Fantastic post. First, kudos to you for working o...Fantastic post. First, kudos to you for working on self-improvement. It's not easy and we all need to do it. Secondly, thank you so much for your explanation of how anxiety effects the need to correct people. We parents need to know this. Thank you.Cassie Zupkehttp://www.cassiezupke.comnoreply@blogger.com