tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post3776114684926195134..comments2024-03-28T09:17:32.426-05:00Comments on Thoughts of an Introverted Matriarch: This Is What Loneliness Feels Like To MeQuiet Contemplationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-57435149947021251782013-10-21T10:03:42.005-05:002013-10-21T10:03:42.005-05:00Thanks for reading. I think that we can often have...Thanks for reading. I think that we can often have such delayed reactions to things that we don't even always know why we're suddenly so upset. It still happens to me often.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-61643274158997140262013-10-21T10:02:32.557-05:002013-10-21T10:02:32.557-05:00Thank you for reading!Thank you for reading!Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-12724786119044109802013-10-17T23:08:48.392-05:002013-10-17T23:08:48.392-05:00Thank you for this post. I think that my daughter...Thank you for this post. I think that my daughter feels this way a lot. Sometimes she just bursts into tears for what most would think is no reason, but I think the reason is that she feels something like what you have described here. Shantihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11323636965254272203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-15155915121966731832013-10-17T21:29:41.562-05:002013-10-17T21:29:41.562-05:00Thank you for posting this. It really does open my...Thank you for posting this. It really does open my eyes to how my son is most likely going through life, or will be in the near future. Wenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03051145682579076938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-43030427931067384862013-05-17T10:10:47.964-05:002013-05-17T10:10:47.964-05:00Losing friends due to them growing out of, or chan...Losing friends due to them growing out of, or changing interests is really common from what I hear. What might be acceptable for young kids to obsess over when they're 9 changes when they're 13 by quite a lot. We tend to stay back there focusing on making activities, and subjects, when other kids mature into switching their focus to other people.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-59386818070785190642013-05-16T23:53:52.893-05:002013-05-16T23:53:52.893-05:00Excellent description, and I like the radio metaph...Excellent description, and I like the radio metaphor - it is spot on (so is the dance metaphor). <br /><br /><br />Quote: "Up until that point, I had mistakenly believed that everyone was as disconnected at me. It wasn't until I was 15 that I knew others were connected in a ways that I couldn't imagine." <br /><br />I was relying on the same assumption when I was a kid, and I fully began to realise that 'everybody else were connected' in a shared reality, sort of communicating via a main channel I couldn't perceive, when I was about 13 or 14. That is also the time where my big interests (animals/pets) became 'immature' and could no longer underpin friendships, so I started to loose my friends and social role at that time. <br /><br />Through my childhood and up till about 13 I was fairly unaware of social conventions and 'normal synchronisation' although I did feel like I had strangely limited options socially compared to other kids, and was frustrated about other kids' unpredictable, annoying and often unsettling collective behaviours, especially my classmates'. <br /><br /> <br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-80103911660603245202013-05-16T21:14:27.317-05:002013-05-16T21:14:27.317-05:00Or you are in the candy store, but everyone is enj...Or you are in the candy store, but everyone is enjoying their candy, sharing flavors, and you are just standing there eating yours all by yourself, even though it doesn't taste all that good. At the same time, you would be appalled if they came over and tried to lick your lollipop so you don't try very hard.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03629132084441191734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-20420454745188276642013-04-07T21:53:31.420-05:002013-04-07T21:53:31.420-05:00It's taken me almost 20 yrs to get this out in...It's taken me almost 20 yrs to get this out in this clear of a manner. This post was a long time a coming.Thanks for reading, and commenting!Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-3461778031049437112013-04-07T18:49:39.199-05:002013-04-07T18:49:39.199-05:00I relate so much to this post... It almost sounds ...I relate so much to this post... It almost sounds like I wrote it... Just that I didn't figure it all out until much later, in my mid 20's. I seriously wish I could explain to those around me how it's been for me, in such a clear manner..billuxvhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02140036645995204912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-79520639266064701772013-01-25T19:06:55.643-06:002013-01-25T19:06:55.643-06:00It's great that you found some friends that yo...It's great that you found some friends that you can really relate to! I have a husband hat I feel comfortable, and happy with, but otherwise I haven't found any close friends that I feel really compatible with.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-75174072874828312612013-01-25T16:54:04.196-06:002013-01-25T16:54:04.196-06:00Online, yes definitely, at times, but not always. ...Online, yes definitely, at times, but not always. I have not found too many people in real life to hang around that are on the spectrum, so I'm not sure about that. I know that I can 'read' other autistic people way better than NTs tend to be able to, so I would say that we are closer to each other's frequencies in that way, but not fully, though.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-57412386873568286062013-01-24T22:59:50.153-06:002013-01-24T22:59:50.153-06:00Oh, *so* true. I never really had an epiphany the ...Oh, *so* true. I never really had an epiphany the way you did, but I always felt happier and more content in my own company than I did in anyone else's. Part of that is that as well as being ASD, I'm an introvert, but part of that is because it was so *hard* to understand. I was *so* grateful to discover fandom when I was 18 / 19; everyone involved was "weird" in some way or another (a lot of people who were physically disabled, so-called "nerds" and "geeks", and it wouldn't surprise me to find a large percentage of those on the "capable of functioning somewhat adequately in the NT world" part of the spectrum as well), so I didn't stand out as much, and there wasn't as much expectation that I "fit in".<br /><br />But at the same time, it was finding other people on the spectrum and being able to befriend them that really made the difference. There's one friend I've had for years whom I've never yet met in person, but we chat and understand each other really well. Another one whom I've met since moving to St. John's, and we generally meet up at least once a week for just *being* together, with someone who *gets* us. (And for cuddles; both of us enjoy tactile interaction, without it being sexually-connected.)<br /><br /> :) tagAughtAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-88880169803822969552013-01-24T22:51:50.219-06:002013-01-24T22:51:50.219-06:00Oh, yes, I *so* understand your Girl Scout trip - ...Oh, yes, I *so* understand your Girl Scout trip - I did the same, the year I entered the Scouts, and spent most of my time with my younger sister, who was a Brownie, and who most of the time I couldn't tolerate because she bullied and manipulated me. But it was a lot easier dealing with her, than it was dealing with the other girls there, who teased and mocked me. (Especially since I could stand up for her - she had nasty allergies - when I couldn't for myself.) Never went back to Girl Scouts after that - it soured me on the whole experience.<br /><br /> :( tagAughtAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-68278200351450520932013-01-21T08:18:58.395-06:002013-01-21T08:18:58.395-06:00Thank you, Quiet Contemplation, for opening a wind...Thank you, Quiet Contemplation, for opening a window for me, an NT parent, to understand better what my child and others on the spectrum encounter in everyday life. Have you ever found others on the spectrum, both online and offline, and found a sense of connection through your similarities, or being on the same "frequency" to use your radio frequency analogy?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-39674944765840460382013-01-20T14:43:11.045-06:002013-01-20T14:43:11.045-06:00I thought that quote was a very good description, ...I thought that quote was a very good description, too. Glad you came by, and thanks for your comments. Hope to see you on my blog's FB page, too! Lots of discussion on there.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-77908258457811943292013-01-20T14:32:50.640-06:002013-01-20T14:32:50.640-06:00Thank you for your replies. I am glad to connect ...Thank you for your replies. I am glad to connect with both of you on FB. :)Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-44721556508195598552013-01-19T05:41:19.481-06:002013-01-19T05:41:19.481-06:00Yes, my experience is that people are generally mo...Yes, my experience is that people are generally more open and accepting as they grow older so it does get better. So for those young ones, hang in there! Life does get better.Irenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-35618980177237167962013-01-19T05:37:42.913-06:002013-01-19T05:37:42.913-06:00"...it's like looking into a candy store ..."...it's like looking into a candy store while everyone enjoys the candy and you're locked outside, looking in." - yes, that completely sums it up.Irenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-21409400395505245802013-01-19T04:41:15.263-06:002013-01-19T04:41:15.263-06:00Hey kate. Nice to find someone who share similar e...Hey kate. Nice to find someone who share similar experience huh. Yes I am on facebook. I will add you as friend over there :DIrenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-5928919035171425352013-01-18T05:50:38.394-06:002013-01-18T05:50:38.394-06:00I still feel that way. I want a boyfriend, but all...I still feel that way. I want a boyfriend, but all I can do is watch other couples. It looks so flippin' easy, but I feel like the preschooler trying to mash the square peg into the round hole. I am so tired of being alone, but I can't have roommates because it eventually drives me bonkers. I'm used to my own company and I'm independent. Some days I manage to keep busy and exhaust myself I to squashing this feeling, and other times, it simply doesn't work and I manage to emotionally exhaust myself<br /><br />I think it was Kate (who pointed this article out to me - thank you!) who mentioned that it's like looking into a candy store while everyone enjoys the candy and you're locked outside, looking in.<br /><br />I wish people would understand my autistic symptoms were not static. Most days I do well, but then my anxiety just goes out the window and I have to increase my Clozapam dosage just to function.Serenitynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-62073047395763464602013-01-17T18:48:31.515-06:002013-01-17T18:48:31.515-06:00Irene, I completely relate. To everything but espe...Irene, I completely relate. To everything but especially your 2nd paragraph.<br />I had the same experience as you and eventually learned how to interact and make a few friends as you. But the feeling never does leave completely. I SO feel you there. Making Aspie friends really helped me, too.<br />If you are on Facebook - please friend me there if you like - or feel free to email - KGoldfie@gmail.com . I have so few female Aspie friends, mostly males. Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04931944728963114472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-63253460959865361952013-01-17T18:45:06.444-06:002013-01-17T18:45:06.444-06:00So glad someone pointed me here.
Your paragraph
...So glad someone pointed me here.<br /><br />Your paragraph <br />"I sat on the floor with my back against the wall just watching everyone. I noticed a few people over my the popular kids area. I began to see something I had never noticed before. I started seeing an exchange of movements. I saw two people conversing. He would lean this way, and she would lean that way. Hands were animated, and laughs were flowing. It was as if they were doing this dance where no one touched each other, but yet they were in sync with silent music. It was in this moment that I felt a depth of lonely I cannot describe. It was a sudden realization that other people were in a constant exchange of something I did not see, and I did not posses. I was not one of them"<br /><br />sums up what I spent my entire high school and college career doing, and trying to figure out. The sense of otherness, of what I called "a secret language" that others had that I couldn't share was a very painful fact to me, a VERY painful fact, and still is. Fortunately, it seems to me at least to some extent that as people get older they become a little more open, and I have also made several Aspie friends I feel that I can be completely myself with. I am lucky. I am even wading in the waters of trying to make NT friends a little. I am trying to break out of that shell. I am not saying this is what you or anyone should do, it is just my path. <br /><br />But I have tried to explain that EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE to people so many times over the years. And I think you did it much better than I. Or at least more concisely. (I am 28 w/ AS). <br /><br />So thank you! And are you on Facebook? Would love to friend you. Kate - kgoldfie@gmail.comKatehttp://aspiefrommaine.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-21760922217435200312013-01-13T15:18:34.296-06:002013-01-13T15:18:34.296-06:00Your last line "It never does leave no matter...Your last line "It never does leave no matter how much I have changed myself." is really profound, and sums things up pretty well for me. I am done changing myself. It never helped anyway. I just have learned to be happy in my own company, and deal with the fact that, as you say, that feeling is never leaving.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-14302722788324581572013-01-13T15:15:52.899-06:002013-01-13T15:15:52.899-06:00You pretty much just described my life there. We ...You pretty much just described my life there. We have a lot in common<br /><br />Blogging, and social networking does help me to bridge the gap, somewhat. I still feel left out quite often, though. It seems that this feeling even follows me to the net. I even feel like I see other autistic people form social groups that I am not invited into. Sometimes, I will really like a page, or a blog, but then will unlike it, because I feel like every time I comment I get ignored while everyone else's gets a lot of attention. It feels like rejection, I suppose, and I have had enough of that in my life. I don't need to be triggered on the internet, too.Petty, I suppose, but it's how I feel.Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8053855593846713089.post-51679866824567721962013-01-13T15:03:06.138-06:002013-01-13T15:03:06.138-06:00Thank you for reading!Thank you for reading!Quiet Contemplationhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14667867394641955283noreply@blogger.com