When my sleep is all fragmented my REM cycles create vivid dreams that I recall in detail upon waking. The theme recently is babies. Now, I know that dreaming about babies usually not indicative of actually wanting a baby. Babies in dreams can mean several different things from your own
insecurities, vulnerabilities, to responsibilities, and new projects.
The other night I was pregnant, but no one knew. I was not hiding it, but wasn't telling everyone about it, either. I knew that I was not showing any physical signs, because my abs were in such good shape that it was taking longer to see the baby bump. While it is true, the stronger your core the longer your belly will stay flat during pregnancy, but since this dream wasn't really about being pregnant for real, I think it meant something else. I think it was referring to a new beginning, and a new project I was getting off the ground, but was not wanting to show the world my 'progress' as of yet. I was building my inner strength, and trying to get a strong, well built center to base my new ideas off of before telling the world about it.
Last night, in my dream I was taking care of a baby that I think was someone else's. He was a happy baby
So, what does all this mean?
Well, I think it means that I started out feeling pretty strong on a new project. I am guessing the project is referring to homeschooling Beans. I was gathering all of my materials, and I was getting a good foothold. Somewhere along the line as the project started taking off I felt overwhelmed. I began to feel like everyone was needing more than I could give. One of the last things that I recall in my dream was that I was promising to meet the baby's needs better. From the overview of the dream, I can tell you there was no way to logically meet the needs of everyone in this dream. It was not a personal failure on my part to produce better results, or to just get myself motivated to do more. I was doing a lot. I was doing more than any one person could. I was not failing. I was trying to do more than one person could. It's also interesting to note that even though I was not following typcial baby protocol, the baby in my dream didn't seem to mind. he was healthy, and happy. Maybe, the baby was fine, and it was my perceptions of what he needed was what was so overwhelming? Maybe I was listening to what others had to say about raising him, and not paying attention to what he needed from me?
So, today, I am taking all those thoughts on board as I consider my next steps. It's true that I feel others are trying to help by offering ideas of places to go, and curriculum, and all sorts of things that I haven't even had time to think about, yet, much less incorporate into our routine. Most of all, it speaks to the fact that I desperately need to find more help, and delegate tasks, because it's just not possible to meet current expectations.