Wednesday, July 24, 2013

When Good Date Nights Go Bad- What to do?

After another date night that fell flat, and almost ended in a mega argument, my husband I are now being more proactive in planning these things. I am a big planner. I plan for plans, even, It really wasn't lack of preparation on my part, as much as lack of ideas. My husband counts on me to have the plan. He never tends to have one. Sometimes, I find this irritating, because it seems that I'm doing all of the work, but when I look at all areas of his life, he never has short term plans, so I take that into account, and try not to take offense. I am still doing the majority of the work in running things, but again, this is my strength.

I thought about when my husband and I were dating. What did we used to enjoy out on dates, and for fun?
The simple answer after thinking, and thinking was nothing. We only went out on a couple of real dates.the rest of the time was spent hanging out at his house, which was a focal point of his group of friends. There was always a crowd, and weekends yielded some moderate sized parties. He was in a band, and I enjoyed listening to them gather, and play. We weren't terribly interested in going to the movies, and the usual dating stuff. As a matter of fact, we weren't terribly interested in dating.We moved in together after only a month of dating. We didn't date for very long. I have read this is pretty common for spectrum people. My situation was a little more complicated than just the Asperger's influencing me to move quickly, but I am the type of person, either I like you, or I don't. Not that I dislike a lot of people, but I don't 'take' to too many. I am indifferent to most people in general, so when I take a strong liking to someone I know it's a unique situation.

As we gathered outside of our special ed board meeting a couple weeks ago this topic came up among the parents. Turns out, we weren't the only ones with this issue. I think having kids with special needs, and rarely ever getting a break for long periods of time tends to kind of leave one without ideas when the opportunity arises for a date night.  We have respite now, but we haven't had it much in the last 11 yrs.  One parent said that her, and her husband took classes, and dance lessons. I saw the "Not even happening" look come over my husband's face. Classes are not his idea of fun. For the most part mine either.

I asked on my FB page about ideas. I did get quite a few. Most were not for us, but a few looked like they might work. I have been doing some thinking, as well. I have been thinking about what I think is a fun time, and what I like to do. I have never been an activity type of person. I like being busy on my own, but not so much with another person. Well, besides the obvious couple activity. *ahem*. We do that pretty much every night, and we need privacy for that. Not something easy to find away from home. As a matter of fact, quite a few things that I found, or was suggested to me were things we already do often. We do sit almost every night watching TV, movies, and or chatting. We go out for a quick coffee when we get the opportunity, and we are pretty much best friends.

I think we are going to try bowling, because I really haven't ever tried it before, and I googled a couple of neat parks in our city that I think would be nice to visit. I have been to both of them before, but not without kids. I also think we will try to play pool, and darts. I might even go fishing with him, which should be interpreted as drink, and chat with him while he fishes, because I don't fish. We both would also like to try out a comedy show when one comes to town. I think that would be a fun evening, but may get a little pricey.  For now, the weather is nice, so we will have lots more options to choose from then we will here in a couple of months when the weather limits us to indoor activities. We tend to have a lot less  money during the winter, and spring months.

So, tomorrow is Thursday, which is our designated date night for now. I think it's important for us to keep trying to make this date night thing work. We finally have someone to watch the kids, and now we just have to find out what WE  enjoy doing together. I will keep you updated as to how it goes!


  1. The key you mentioned here is that you're planning this out ahead of time. Whether Aspie or not, I think all couples can learn from you. I hope your date goes well! Keep us posted :)

    1. I will! Last date night went better, but not optimal. I guess it will take some time to work out some plans. Thanks for you comment!


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