Friday, November 11, 2011

Unspoken

This post isn't going to be one of those inspirational post where I give out some useful info on this or that, or have tips, or a funny story about Bubby to share.  I'm not sure why I am writing this, or where I'm going with it...  Maybe, it might be informative to some, I don't know...

The other day I really needed a friend to talk to. I was in one of those states where another POV, or some encouraging words would have been just what I needed.  I never ask for this and maybe I wasn't clear when I posted about it on FB how desperate I was or how bad I felt.  People with ASD usually don't.  I usually can't find the words, or don't know how, or even more so, it literally never occurs to me to ask for help, or to share my feelings. 

In any event, only three people out of almost 100 responded.  Even when I have taken out time in my day to always talk with, console and help others.  Ask around, you'll know that I've never ignored a e-mail, or private message, even if it was from someone who seemed crazy or no one else would give the time of day.  I always make time for others when in need.  Considering this, it was especially hurtful that when I needed a little encouragement I was mostly ignored.  I see other posts frequently about similar things posted by others and they get a lot of response.

I'm not one to talk about personal things on FB.  One of my pet peeves are the people that use their status update to unload dirt on their significant other.  My husband and I never ever speak ill of one another to anyone, much less on a social networking site.  I don't talk about things like that, but it doesn't mean that all is well.  If anyone would have thought to ask I'd have told them that I'm on the brink of divorce with my husband, I'm filing for bankruptcy, and trying to get my home out of foreclosure.  The doctor that was supposed to turn in Bean's psych eval to update his MRDD services didn't (that was several months ago), so we're in danger of losing that.  Just found out that 2 days ago.  Now he wants another appt.  Don't ask me why.  How much of an evaluation can you give a nonverbal (almost) 9 yr old that functions about at the level of a 12 mo. old? If I were to lose those services the autism waiver, with the ABA and his place on the wait list for community services would all go away.   The only social thing that my husband and I do happens once a month and I was completely unable to get a sitter for that last night. We so needed that time away.  I have issues coming at me from all different directions.

So, my goal for this next month is to make time for genuine friends, and discard the rest.  I am also making finding a reliable sitter a goal, as well.  I guess it's up to me to make the best out of what I have, so that's what I am doing.

2 comments:

  1. I know how this feels. I find it interesting that people might think we share too much by blogging about our lives, yet so many think nothing of posting total gut-spiller status updates when they have a tiff with someone.

    I too often feel as if I cannot really reveal how I feel anywhere ... either online or in real life. I know on the odd occasion when I have done so, it appears to have been too much for some. Perhaps it is because I keep up a good front otherwise and they genuinely have no idea or is it that they just can't relate to me? I can't figure out which.

    I know that being an introverted personality type means that you do tend to value the deeper interactions more. I hope that you are able to find those types you feel have the time and ability to nurture you in friendship as you appear to be able to do for others.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know what you mean about spilling it all out. Even my blog is not really about my day to day life and what I feel or do. That's not my forte or how I (or most of us aspies) relate. I see people all the time say horrible things like 'I hate autism!' or 'autism sucks!' and they get tons of support from their fb friends when I find it awful and insulting to speak of your child that way.

    I think that I will do a follow up post about the front you speak of. I think you are absolutely correct in what you say about why we're not always noticed, or responded to when we need help. I think we're not always clear, and others haven't a clue as to how to meet us outside of our norm.

    Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete

If you'd like to follow all comments to this post, please click the 'subscribe by email' link under the comment box. I always reply to every post, and appreciate all feedback. If you have issues getting your comment to post you can email me your comment at inneraspie@yahoo.com. Blogger sometimes loses a comment when the user goes to post, so it is always advisable to highlight and copy your text before hitting the post button.